Remember the Visitors Thread?

Emerald27

From a couple weeks ago? I voiced my plan that we would have no visitors until Thanksgiving (LO is Due around Oct.15). I thought my MIL would take this news the worst, but apparently DH already talked to her about it and she's fine with it...

But my mother!!! I wasn't intending to talk to her about this until we had cemented our plans much later (I mean I'm only 10 weeks), but she asked me today if she could come up and stay with me to help when baby is born. I told her our tentative plan and she basically said "no way" and that she'll camp on my doorstep until she is allowed inside to meet LO.

Apparently getting my alone time to bond with baby is very selfish and deprives the grandparents of their grandchild. I had not thought of it this way, thinking that I really wanted some quiet time to bond as a family and adjust to things being different before throwing visitors into the mix.

Can I get some good honest feedback? I really need an outsider perspective...I mean, I know we have months and months to plan, but I am feeling so conflicted...somewhere between guilty for keeping her away and mad that she wouldn't respect my wishes.

ADH0906

No advice, but I stand in solidarity with you. My mother asked to be in the delivery room when I was I only 7 weeks, and announced she's taking a month off to come stay with us.

DH are weighing the hurt feelings vs insane amounts of house guests...and honestly, I think that's all you can do. Make the right choice for your family.

pantherRN

I can understand no visitors in the hospital or even for a few days once you get home, but I think you're being selfish and unreasonable saying no visitors until Thanksgiving. Even if I was a really close friend or family member, I would be absolutely be livid if I was not able to meet your baby for more than a month. In all honestly, it would probably end our friendship.

It's one thing to ask people to respect your wishes, it's another thing when your wishes are a little outrageous.

For us, we are fine with visitors, but we told everyone to not expect to stay with us, even if they come from out of town. We have a two bedroom apartment and while there is plenty of room for air mattresses and pull out couches, I would be 100% overwhelmed with people sleeping all over my place.

Emerald27

Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate your honesty. This is super helpful.

I think maybe the key is whether or not visitors would stay with us. DH and I will chat about what to do, but it seems reasonable to let people come over to meet baby but just not stay.

bumpuser1282882

I was super confused by some of the responses until I remembered that your Thanksgiving isn't in October. I do agree with PPs that 6-7 weeks is a little much to expect people to go without even meeting the LO, but the bottom line is that it is your family and your choice. I think letting visitors come after a week or so is fine, and maybe make the stipulation that you just can't have anyone staying over for the first little while. We have had to do this with my MIL. She lives 3 hours away and although she is more than welcome to come anytime to see the baby, we were very up front with her that she could not stay with us during those first few weeks. I just can't entertain the thought of caring for our first baby AND having houseguests those first few weeks.

ADH0906

^Me too...I completely missed that part. 5 or 6 weeks would break my mom's heart.

Emerald27

I think my biggest issue is that we lived with my mom when DS was born, so she couldn't just "go home" or something, and she was very disapproving of many of our choices and loudly/constantly voiced her disapproval. Gave me lots of anxiety and I just wanted to be alone with my baby.

I really value the alone time and getting into a new groove with the changes that adding a sibling to the family will bring. I think a good compromise is after 1-2 weeks, being open to visitors on our terms, during the day, who stay in hotels or with other family (my grandmother lives 15 min from me, but mom is 5 hours and mil is across the country).

I really appreciate the help, ladies! I feel so heartless and mean. You've straightened me out!

amberhoothoot

Agreeing with most of the PPs.

6 weeks without meeting LO does seem kind of mean. Unless they are the type to not understand what a 2 hour visit is and they try to overstay their welcome AND criticize you while there. I'm sure if their options are 1) You can come for 2 hours and not criticize us, or 2) we'll see you after Thanksgiving... then hopefully they'll straighten up and be respectful.