Sleep troubles

crystal8503

(This might be long and lack paragraphs b/c of my tablet) - My son is 15 months old and is a terrible sleeper when left in his crib. He will sleep soundly next to me all night even without me touching him, but will wake frequently in his crib and often refuses to return to it after his first waking. He was giving me 5 hour stretches and I was satisfied with that. We bed share in the spare bedroom during the week because my husband gets up at 2:45 am for work and will bed share together on his days off. I don't know why but my son wakes often when in bed with both of us even though he is next to me and isn't touching my husband. He nurses to sleep, then again around 5:00 am, and one more at nap time. He will usually go back to sleep after his morning nursing session until 8:30-9. I'm trying to work on getting him to nurse at 6:30 instead and once that habit starts, I intend to break that session all together by getting him up for the day. I'm not sure if getting him up earlier will get him on a better sleeping pattern, but I have to try something. He's needing more activity and I hope the combination of an earlier day, more activity, and opportunity for a morning nap might help. Am I crazy to attempt this? I have no problem bed sharing except my body is beginning to hurt and I miss sleeping with my husband. If I could find a way to get him into his crib until the last 2-3 hours of the night I would be in heaven. I'm really beginning to think my supply is starting to decrease and I'm scared he won't be left with time to adjust before it's gone. Please help. I'm open for anything.

ncbelle

Just to be clear…what's your priority goal - getting him to sleep independently at the end of the night?  In my experience, it's those early morning hours where kids have the hardest time sleeping.  If he hasn't been sleeping in a crib really, I would just ditch the crib and put him in a regular bed - then you can snuggle with him as needed but can sneak out once he is asleep.  That's what worked well for us.  I preferred having a bed large enough that I could get in with kiddo - I also have a husband who works late nights and this set up worked well for us.

Emerald27

Sounds like you want to accomplish a few things:

1. You want to sleep with your husband instead of the guest bed.
2. You want DS to sleep longer stretches independently

You're thinking that waking earlier (6:30am as opposed to 9am) and having a more active day is a good start to better sleep at night.

I like @ncbelle‌'s suggestion to ditch the crib in favor of a floor bed. That has worked so well for us, and I get lots of sleep in my bed with DH, and on bad nights or nights when DS just needs some extra cuddles, I sleep with him. You can read more about how we transitioned to his own bed in my post on that 2U2 thread.

I personally would not try to change too much at once (i.e. Dropping feedings while changing sleep schedule and working toward independent sleep all at once), but you need to decide what will work best for your little boy. I might recommend picking a place to start, like independent sleep, and spending a few weeks on that before changing the next thing...like waking him earlier.

Another thought might be that if you start him on a floor bed in his own room instead of in yours, when he wakes, I would suggest you going to him instead of bringing him to your bed. Seems like that suggests that their bed is for them, and it's safe and a great place to be (whereas bringing them to you might give the impression that they're safer in your bed and that is where they should be). The floor bed is as much out of convenience for mama as it is a gentle method of transitioning to independent sleep.

If these ideas don't work for you, feel free to ask for some others!

crystal8503

Thanks @ncbelle‌ and @Emerald27‌.

I rock and nurse him to sleep around 7-7:30 and put him in his crib if he'll let me. Lately he hasn't and I end up holding him for hours before giving in and bringing him to the extra room. We did a mattress on the floor in his room and it helped me break the constant night nursing, but that ended when we had company and I had to return the mattress to the spare bedroom.

We have company coming on 4/12 and will need the bed where it belongs. Do you think it's reasonable to expect to change his schedule before changing where he sleeps? I don't want to not work on anything for 3+ weeks and risk also dealing with losing my milk supply. I think after they leave that I want to side car his crib and put the mattress in his room. We did both last time and didn't have barely any room to use his room during the day. We CD and use his room for all diaper changes, so the convenience of moving around his room is a must.

I'm sure my husband is going to be less than thrilled with moving the crib but all of this is I me because if his schedule, and I don't care. He'll do it, he just won't want to undo it if it doesn't work. I'm really leaning towards using the side car method for this next baby, so might as well see if I like it now, right? Plus, we might not need another crib right away.

I have so many thoughts I my desperate, sleep deprived head. Thanks for listening to my ramble and offering advice, I really appreciate it.

Emerald27

Sidecarring the crib and putting the mattress in his room is a great idea! If you need more space in his room, what we are using for DS is a twin foam mattress from ikea that was only $79. It's super comfy...we actually went and bought the same one in a queen because we like it so much, and that's under our bed to be pulled out for guests. Since it's a foam mattress, it's only about 4" thick, but it is still great to sleep on.

If you were able to do something like that, you wouldn't have to wait until company leaves.

I would just be cautious in making changes. You can try shifting his schedule and see how well (or not) he adjusts, and stop if it's too much. Doesn't have to be all or nothing either. You can wake him up at 8am for a week, then 7:30, then 7, etc., and if he is a grouchy grumble then wait. I would hesitate to try to drop a feeding if you're waking him, because he may need the extra comfort when he wakes earlier than he's used to...but you know your LO and his needs, so it's your call.

TiffanyBerry

FWIW, the end of the night (early morning) has - as has been suggested - been the hardest for sleeping well for DD.  If I want time with DH, it has to be at the beginning of her sleep, not the end.

crystal8503

Thanks ladies! We are going to try the mattress on the floor and crib in our room combo once our family leaves. I'm pretty excited to have a gave plan and I'm going to gradually work on pushing his morning feeding back as close to 6:30 as possible. He was doing really well and a bought of teething got him back in the habit of 4:30-5. I offer him water and he has a sippy of water in his crib for his night wakings if he's in there. He seldom uses it but he likes to hold it, so I think it gives him a little extra comfort. I'm not going to mess with trying to wean him because I feel like he'll begin to wean himself as my supply continues to drop. I don't get engorged anymore if we are out sitting nap time and he doesn't nurse. Plus, I seem to be sporting nicer and nicer pancakes as the days go by and I can't imagine I have a whole lot longer. @TiffanyBerry‌, my issue is actually getting him to sleep by himself at all these days. Our mornings aren't an issue and I actually love them, it's the entire night that's the problem.

TiffanyBerry

@crystal8503 - I probably should have been clearer when I said mornings - For us, any time after 1am. The only stretch I could ever count on was the first or second one, after that, all bets were off.

Good luck!