I need to talk about this...

MrsWS

My cousin and I grew up very close pretty much like sisters. We even lived together after my Dad passed away.
Anyway, for about two years now her and her boyfriend have been ttc and for so long it just wasn't happening for them for unknown reasons... and I have always been there for her and VERY sensitive to their situation.. I always refrained from talking about my daughter excessively.

Well, my husband and I decided to ttc and she knows it is not going to be easy for us due to my poly cystic ovaries and not ovulating on my own. Three or more weeks ago she found out she was pregnant and I was OVER THE MOON excited for to the point where I was in tears.

Since then she calls and texts me non stop about all of her pregnancy complaints and she is just completely annoying, obnoxious, and all of the above about this pregnancy. I understand she is excited and I am excited for her, but I feel like she should be sensitive to me as I was her for all those years.

Not to mention she is only 7 weeks and she is walking around rubbing her belly as if it is the baby and not pre existing belly fat... she has announced the pregnancy to everybody on the planet knowing she is very high risk due to her very severe diabetes...SO severe that her doctor told her NOT to get pregnant...Not only is she potentially setting herself up for major depression(like i did after my first m/c) if anything were to happen with the pregnancy god forbid, but she is also being absolutely insensitive and senseless.


Am I being a bad cousin?

MrsWS

Thank you! I guess I just need to take a chill pill and give her some time to enjoy her moment.

MrsWS

Thank You Charlie

greeneyed_bride

The thing about being really sensitive to someone by refraining from doing/talking about something is that there's a pretty good chance the person might not realize you're being sensitive. It's not as if you can say, "Hey, just fyi, the reason I'm not talking about my daughter a lot is that I'm being sensitive to you." So for all she knows, you weren't any different with her than you were with anyone else.

Also, from the sounds of it, you and your husband only made the decision to TTC number 2 recently. So while you may have reason to believe it could take you a long time to get pregnant, it doesn't sound like it has taken you a long time yet. Which could be why she doesn't feel the need to treat you as though you're having trouble getting pregnant. You were extremely happy for her, so she probably assumes you're ok hearing the details. 

As for her rubbing her belly and telling everyone - you might think it's silly or a bad decision, but it's definitely not something you should be upset with her for. They might be silly character traits, but they don't make her a bad friend.

MrsWS

Yeah, I get what you're saying 100%.... I am not mad at anything about this whole situation. My whole point about the belly rubbing is that she is being kind of ridiculous.. Somehow she believes that magically overnight her belly fat looks like a baby belly... lol

I guess the reason her telling the world about her pregnancy is bothering me because she asked me my opinion on when to tell everyone and told her that she wait til she out of the danger zone then went ahead and told the Facebook world an hour later.. I am just trying to protect her..

With my first pregnancy I found out around 6 weeks told every person I knew, lost the baby at 14 wks, then had to explain to all of these people who I was not close to what had happened.. and that made it so much more difficult. I don't want that to happen to her. I feel like I am being very negative about this part of the situation, but it is hard not to when her dr advised against pregnancy because of her health. I am so worried for her. And although I was immediately worried when she told me, I still congratulated her and all...

I am so happy for her because this is something I know she has really wanted for so long. Thanks for letting me vent! I would never discuss this with my cousin for fear of upsetting her.

myatala

MrsWS said:

I guess the reason her telling the world about her pregnancy is bothering me because she asked me my opinion on when to tell everyone and told her that she wait til she out of the danger zone then went ahead and told the Facebook world an hour later..

Excuse me? There is no "safe zone," no point at which one is suddenly immune to loss.

And I have announced early with each of my pregnancies so far because if anything bad happens I need the support of family and friends.

MrsWS

Yes. Around twelve weeks or so is when your chances are lower to have a m/c. Of course it does happen... my m/c was proof of that, but it is less likely.

candlequeen

I'm not trying to sound snarky at all but it sounds like you're a little jealous. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. If something bad happens, be there for her. She's a grown woman and if she chooses to be silly about it then just let her.

MrsWS

I can see how you would think that, but I assure you I am not jealous at all. I have one beautiful child already and I have only been ttc for a month now... maybe if I did not have a kid yet and have been trying for a long time I would for sure be jealous... but I am SO genuinely happy and excited for her, but also very concerned. That is all.

MrsWS

And I know for a fact I am/ would not be the only one who thinks her obsession with her stomach is ridiculous. It's like the people on here that post their 8 wk bloat saying look at my bump. C'mon people! Lol

MrsWS

Yeah, I guess that could be it... I didn't think of it that way. Sorry if I offended anyone.

I hope you all enjoy what's left of your weekend!

DebateThis

fredalina said:

You really, really sound bitter and bitchy. It isn't your business if she is "supposed" to be pregnant, when shd tells people even after you give advice, or where she puts her hands when she walks, or how big her stomach is or why it is as big as it is. Yet you keep mentioning those things. A lot. Her being pregnant has no relationship to when you will get pregnant but you sound like you think it will. Be a friend. Support her. Let her support you IF you end up with TTTC (jeez, why would you WANT to take that problem on before you are even close to having it?), and move on.

Fred is wise. And you really sound like you want to be infertile and you say that you want HER to be sensitive to you...which is mind boggling to me, to say the least. You've been TTC a month and PCOS does not automatically make you infertile, so you really need to calm your jets and let her be.

MrsWS

Thanks for the reality check, ladies! You have opened my eyes to this situation.

Mysterious_wife

There is never a safe zone with pg. you really need to chill and stop being a judgmental brat.

missnacholover

You sound pretty jealous and bitchy.  So what if she's relishing the moment of her high risk pregnancy?  Let her enjoy it.  If it's bothering you, be an adult and distance yourself from her.  

petemaria

Some of these comments are just rude and hurtful. My thought is that the forums are supposed to be an open line of communication for women at all different parts of their journey. People shouldn't be attacked for expressing how they are feeling.

MrsWS

I understand everyone's opinion and why you all feel the way that you do. Like I said before sorry for offending anyone. Although she is my cousin and we are really open with each other, I am obviously not going to say anything to her, I have enough sense to know that is not acceptable. I just figured the members here would not be upset by my thoughts since most members here are very judgmental about others posting pictures of their 1st tri bloat. So, I guess I was expecting a little more understanding to my vent.

I will not be responding to this post anymore after this, and will "dirty" delete it if members continue to echo pp just to be rude. Thank You for all of the input from the first few posters with the non repetitive advice and thoughts. You're much appreciated. I will definitely try to look at her situation with open eyes. I love her very much and ultimately want her to have happiness.

DebateThis

MrsWS said:

My cousin and I grew up very close pretty much like sisters. We even lived together after my Dad passed away.
Anyway, for about two years now her and her boyfriend have been ttc and for so long it just wasn't happening for them for unknown reasons... and I have always been there for her and VERY sensitive to their situation.. I always refrained from talking about my daughter excessively.

Well, my husband and I decided to ttc and she knows it is not going to be easy for us due to my poly cystic ovaries and not ovulating on my own. Three or more weeks ago she found out she was pregnant and I was OVER THE MOON excited for to the point where I was in tears.

Since then she calls and texts me non stop about all of her pregnancy complaints and she is just completely annoying, obnoxious, and all of the above about this pregnancy. I understand she is excited and I am excited for her, but I feel like she should be sensitive to me as I was her for all those years.

Not to mention she is only 7 weeks and she is walking around rubbing her belly as if it is the baby and not pre existing belly fat... she has announced the pregnancy to everybody on the planet knowing she is very high risk due to her very severe diabetes...SO severe that her doctor told her NOT to get pregnant... I just don't know what to do with her.... and I sure as hell don't know how long I can hold my tongue. Not only is she potentially setting herself up for major depression(like i did after my first m/c) if anything were to happen with the pregnancy god forbid, but she is also being absolutely insensitive and senseless.


Am I being a bad cousin?

QFP. Go ahead and dirty delete.