Confused on if I'm O&D

michellerenee1987

I'm seriously going through crazy mom games with myself.! One minute I say to hubby yes I wanna have another baby just not yet, then the next minute I'm thinking just us 3 is great while get in over our heads. I'm 27 years old wth almost 3 year old. Yes some may think oh you got time but honest I don't I will not have a baby past 30. And if I'm gonna have another it's gotta be soon so there's not an age gap. Other wise what's the point.. Reason why I'm doubting. 1) I'm going through some health stuff and trying to figure out what's going on with me medically. 2) it's great and fun just us 3. We have the funds to afford to take DS to Disneyland in May and we're planning more trips with him. 3) dh and I struggle now with us time and our sex life is a little in mute right now. 4) I'm not sure I was take time away from DS and hubby to give to another baby. 5) and my body I wanna be a hot mom I can barely wear a bikini now without have huge insecurities so a second would def make that worse. I've struggle with body image sense way before DS but it's worse now. But... I feel bad making DS grow up alone. Could it hurt him to have no sibling to have no one his age to grow up with? I'm worried I'm gonna regret whatever I choice. Thanks

Chapter79

No, it won't HURT him to not have a sibling.  This is always a weak reason to have another kid, IMO, because not all siblings actually get along.  Both when small, or/and when older. I have plenty of friends that haven't spoken to siblings in YEARS.  So you never actually know how that will work.

I LOVE my brothers, we are lucky   And we're very close, couldn't imagine life without them.  But that's not always the case. 

Only you can decide, though.  Personally, if you have medical issues and you're trying to figure it out/unsure what it is... I would resolve those for certain.  I wouldn't go into having another baby with health problems you're trying to figure out.

Good luck!

KatieB19

It does sound like you already decided. 

Kids don't NEED siblings. Do you or your husband have siblings? Growing up, did you only ever play/hang out with them, or did you have friendships that you valued as much or more? Yes, of course people can be best friends with their siblings and grow up and continue that relationship. But they also make friends, and those are the "siblings" they get to choose for themselves. I'm not saying one is better than the other, I'm just saying that a lack of a sibling will not be detrimental.

If you feel like your family is not complete, then have a second. If you feel like your family is perfect the way it is, then don't. Don't have a second for some hypothetical relationship your child might have with their potential future sibling. There are no guarantees.

michellerenee1987

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate ur reponses. Really I'm unsure about it. Becuz even thou I have siblings my mother had me very late in life so by the time I came around my siblings were already in their teens or even adults so I grew up kind of lonely and I don't want that for DS. My husband grew up with a little sis and I hear him say all the time how he couldn't stand her and he how he doesn't have a relationship with her. So it's scary for me. I got one end of the spectrum like My husbands who did grow up with a sibling and they don't hVe a relationship. And u got my side where I felt like a only
Child and hated. It's really quote confusing. I just don't know what to do that's best for my family. Def on the health base no decision can really be made till I'm getting better. But it's still on my Mind. I think it's hard cuz all my friends are either pregnant or planning to ttc for their second or thirds so it's a annoying reminder I gotta figure this out.

michellerenee1987

VioletteGrayskies said:

Here's a thought exercise:  While you were pregnant with your son, did the thought of twins ever cross your mind?  If so, did you think, "Oh, how cute!  It might be rough, but so wonderful!"?  Or did you think, "Oh, crap, what if it's twins?"

If your thought was "Oh, crap,", then you might be one & done.  If twins had any appeal, then probably at least part of you wants another.

I thought that would be hard but I could do it if it was meant to be. Lol even now two of DS I could handle. So there def is part of me that does want another but I have huge cons hovering over my head

this decaf life

I'm 25 now, DD is 1 so I hear the "oh, you have time" often and I agree with wanting to be done by 30. Part of the reason we planned to have DD young was so we could be done at a younger age. I've been debating a lot about if it's fair to DD to make her an only child and all my thinking has really lead me to the question 

"is it fair to DD to have another child?"

Having another child would take so much away from her both emotionally and physically. I had a hard time with the newborn phase and I don't think having a toddler would have helped so I worry that my fuse would be too short with DD. The ages of 2-4 are really important from an exploration and learning standpoint and I don't want to rush her through things just because she might have a sibling. I think we have so much quality time that I wouldn't be able to offer her in the same way/amount as I would if we had another baby and I also wouldn't be able to offer the same to a second child. We also couldn't afford our lifestyle with another baby. Not only in a money aspect but also in an energy spending aspect. We move a lot and we love to travel, doing so is easy with DD but it would be much more stressful with a second.

I still think we'll have another one when DD is about 4 but the more I think about it the less I think it's "fair" to DD and the more I think it would be a selfish decision on my part. Not that I think it's in a bad way selfish but that it really would be purely for me & DH, I'm definitely not going to have another LO just for DD.