Question for anyone who has Biological Child & Foster Child

str8ota

I apologize, I have not been on this board for a couple of years, but my denial of my current situation, unfortunately has now become a reality, and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Some of you might remember my back story, but most probably not.  After 5 m/c we finally had a dd who was born extremely premature and during the pregnancy I found out it would be my last, I went from severely high risk to life threatening.

Our dd is now a healthy 3 1/2 y/o, with just a couple small hiccups from being premature.  7 months ago our 1st foster child, Baby Z, a 15 m/o, was placed in our home, with hopes of us adopting but being realistic.  The last 7 weeks we have been jerked around about her going back to her BM, I finally got the call today that it's actually happening tomorrow, paperwork is signed. Baby Z (now 22 m/o) has had 1 supervised weekend overnight and 2 unsupervised weekend overnights, sporadically in a 11 week period.  DD & Z are very close now, and the times Z went to BM's, dd had a very difficult time, crying, tantrums, wanting Z back.  I've looked online for ideas (just today, again, denial) to help dd cope with Z leaving for good now but have not really found anything.  The SW will call us tomorrow to let us know when she completes the home check at the BM's for Z to return.  For the overnights I have been dropping Z off at BM's, so the SW and I decided it would be best if MH, DD and I take Z there so dd can be with us to say goodbye, instead of her coming home from school and Z already gone.

I'm wondering if anyone else has advice on how to help dd with the transition and hopefully tips I can pass onto BM so she can help Z with the transition also since Z is the only child in the house.  Anything you can share, I would really appreciate it.  It just sucks that she's leaving us

Dr.Loretta

I have no experience, I'm just sending hugs

msditz00

I just wanted to offer support but have no advice.  We have two bio kids (almost 4 and 21 months), and twin 4 month old fosters.  We thought the chances of us adopting would be really high, but that may not be the case.  If the girls don't stay, my almost 4 year old is going to have a hard time.  We haven't done a good job of explaining the situation to him AT ALL.

hey_its_jenn

Thinking and praying for you and your family today! 

mysticl

I just found your thread.  I used to be a foster care worker.  I don't know if this is something possible for your situation but sometimes the foster family is able to stay involved.  We had a foster family who took in a sibling group.  When the kids returned home the foster family stayed in touch and even had the kids and their parents over for Thanksgiving dinner.  

str8ota

Thanks everyone! Obviously I can't go into exact details but the bottom line is Z did not go back to her mom. Some things came to light at the last minute so reunification has been postponed till things can be cleared up. And going forward I refuse to have contact with BM, all visitations will have to be facilitated by SW. There's only so much "me" complaining I can take and when she brought my dd into the conversation, that was the straw. I try to do what's best for Z, and I love her and do feel the more successful BM will be, the more successful Z can be also, but gloves are off when it comes to DD.

I really do appreciate the advice and support, and now that TB has a friendly mobile site to use, I will be on here more to hopefully give the same advice and support I recovered. Thanks again!