need some help

Ksteel21

I'm hoping to get some perspective and support here. I'm having very mixed emotions at a surprise pregnancy at 44. My husband and I have been happily child-free, until now, although I think we were both starting to feel some regret and questions about what our later life would look like, we hadn't taken any steps to address it. I've been helping my slightly younger sister, who is going through IVF to have her first child and has been having a very difficult time. I think it was probably because I have been reading so much about how hard it is to conceive after 40 that we had ONE indiscretion - and I now find myself at 7 weeks along, both of us pretty much in shock, trying to get my head around what all of this means. 

To add to the crazy, my husband just this week was laid off from his job. I have been very happily working as a consultant for the past two years, and because the insurance at his work was pretty sketchy and expensive, we have been buying private insurance through my own company - but did not include maternity coverage, because we weren't trying to get pregnant! I've looked into it, and I can upgrade my plan to include it (thank you Obamacare for no pre-existing conditions exclusions), but it won't kick in for another month and in the meantime I am running around trying to find somewhere I can get affordable pre-natal care without insurance and without feeling like a knocked-up teenager. 

We're both very healthy, my pregnancy symptoms are normal (though uncomfortable), and as the child of older parents myself it doesn't seem completely insane to be a parent this late in life. I'm also aware that a lot of problems can still turn up. But mostly my head is just swimming and I don't really know how to feel. 

2redtulips

I think that's why nature gives us 10 months to get ready. It's a lot of change and it takes some serious thinking over, not to mention planning. 

I agree with hijoi about the insurance and doctor's visits. 

As for the lifestyle changes, I recommend sitting down with your DH and talking about the things you want to make sure you include in your life, in spite of having a child. For example, my DH and I love to travel, so we're talking about ways to make sure that happens with the baby or, later, without the baby (hoping family will be able to watch our boy for at least a long weekend or two at first). 

It can be overwhelming to think/talk about all the changes at once, so take these conversations in small bites.

Also, vibes that your DH finds work again soon!

Beachgal72

I think a lot of what you are feeling is perfectly normal. My husband and I were trying to get pregnant but we were not trying THAT hard so it was still sort of a shock when it happened. We at first went through an emotional rollercoaster of being thrilled to being panicked to not knowing what to think. As reality sets in and you start to bond with baby during the pregnancy and make it through all the testing things just get better and better. Don't get me wrong, I am still in disbelief sometimes and this little girl is due any day now! This is an overwhelming time for you, try not to worry about everything at once, sound like you are taking the right first steps already, and just go a day at a time. Congratulations!

Ksteel21

Oh, that's so sweet, thank you.  After May 1st would be week 14 - do you think I can really wait that long for my first visit? The scheduler at the practice sounded like I'd be committing child abuse if I waited that long for my first visit - but then when I asked what would happen at the visit, they said a pregnancy test (uh, yep, definitely pregnant), labs (I know I dont have any STDs and I'm not RH +) - and I thought, is that really time sensitive?  

Taking it in small bites seems wise. I'm already thinking that my mom (who is in her early 80s but extremely healthy and active and lives not too far away - god bless her) is going to need to be a bigger part of our every day lives. I guess that's a hidden benefit of older parenting - totally retired grandparents! My husband's parents had him very young so they are a whole generation younger than my mother - although she's in better health than all of them. 

QOTR

Congratulations and welcome to the board.  Perhaps you can just pay out of pocket for the first visit if you're concerned about waiting too long?    If it helps, my good friend was out of work and her husband learned he was laid off the same day that they found out she was expecting.  No jobs - no insurance!   It all worked out for them.  I'm hoping the same for you!

Ksteel21

Yes, playing out of pocket is my plan - but so far they have been quoting $300-400 for the first visit plus no-idea-how-much for labs - since that wouldn't even go towards a deductible I'm hoping to find an alternative if I can. Thanks for the story about your friends - yes, it's good to know other people go through it- I'm sure it will all work out in the end, but it would be nice to not have so much uncertainty at once!

DTNZ4Ever

Good luck and welcome. We were TTC for almost a year and it was still a shocking moment. Things will work out and congrats!

Melissa72777

First of all welcome and congratulations. DH and I were trying for over a year to get pregnant and still when I found out I was pregnant I freaked out somewhat too. Up until the last few years DH and I were both unsure if we wanted children. We knew things would change in a big way once we had a LO but in preparation for that we sat down and talked about all of that. We discussed both of our fears and concerns and also came up with ideas to try to keep some resemblance of our pre-child life while still being the best parents possible. LO is here now and I'm so happy with our complete little family. I'm sure you will feel the same in time. Feel free to chat with us on this board. You will find many wonderful supportive ladies. Best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Ksteel21

So some good news - I was able to find a local midwife who is willing to see me for a first visit at $75. She said we could talk through the options for managing the testing costs (ultrasound, blood work) at the first visit, which will be in my 11th week. My favorite consulting client also contacted me this week about turning our relationship into a full-time position - which would likely include benefits, although I'm not sure about when they would kick in. I'm a little nervous about going in-house again but I imagine that's the most practical choice at this point. 

The husband is still in a bit of shock but I've had several more weeks to get used to the idea than he has so I am cutting him plenty of slack.