Birthmom check in

CarolinaGirl2014

I feel like I haven't heard from you ladies in forever. I know we're welcome to the standard weekly check-in but if no one minds I'd like to have a separate one once in a while since the questions are so very different for us.

How old is your LO and is the adoption open, closed, or semi-open?

How are you feeling lately (about adoption, LO, AP relationship, etc)?

If you're in an open adoption, when was your last visit and how did it go? Or when was your last update and how was that?

What's something exciting that is happening in your life right now?

Ginny0211

Hi,

I've been gone for awhile and don't know if anyone recognizes my sn... I haven't posted much in the past... But a check in sounds great so here it goes... 

How old is your LO and is the adoption open, closed, or semi-open?

My birthson is 12 yrs old. Open adoption. 

I now have a daughter and she is 2 years old.

How are you feeling lately (about adoption, LO, AP relationship, etc)?

I'm hoping to see my birthson this Summer.  I'm happy that he's now online and I can talk to him more often. 

I have a 2 year old daughter and with each passing year and each passing milestone I do think about how I missed out on each of these moments with my birthson. When my daughter started sleeping through the night I thought about how I don't know how old my birthson was when he started sleeping through the night... I don't know what he liked to listen to do go to bed at night or what book was his favorite to read every day. I thankfully can ask, but I still wasn't apart of those moments. Thinking about all that I missed and all that I have now with my daughter does bring up those "What if" thoughts again.... I always stop myself form the "what ifs..." and remind myself that we made the right choice for our birthson and he has been living the life I dreamed for him. The life that at the time, I could not provide. I'm content with my decision and I'm so happy for my birthson. But still.... it hurts sometimes.

It is very sweet hearing my daughter talk about her big brother. Just out of the blue she told me the other day that she hoped to see him again soon. It has been adorable listening to her talk about him.  

If you're in an open adoption, when was your last visit and how did it go? Or when was your last update and how was that?

It's been about 5 months since I last saw my birthson. It was a nice visit and we have talked online a few times since then. 

What's something exciting that is happening in your life right now?
Not to sound lame, but what i'm excited about today is the Spring cleaning we've done and knocking out a lot of projects around the house. 

CarolinaGirl2014

@Ginny0211‌ great to hear from you! I'm so glad you have such a great relationship with your son. I completely get what you're feeling. I wonder every day about those special moments I'm missing and although I'm also 100% sure my decision was right, it hurts.

CarolinaGirl2014

My daughter is 10 weeks old (wow!). I have a very open adoption. Lately we've transitioned from texting almost daily to updates via email once a week, snappish pics a few times a week, and texting when something big happens. It's very hard for me to have that separation, but I know I need it.

I have so many ups and downs, but more ups than anything. Honestly, the relationship with her parents is much harder to navigate than I ever imagined but I think we're doing a great job b/c we're so honest but considerate. I hate knowing I'm missing all her firsts b /c she's growing and changing so much, but I anticipated this.

My last visit was 8 days ago, and will be again this weekend probably. We're doing 2-4 hour visits every other week now. I plan to stretch to 3 weeks in April to give us all more space, but I'm just not there yet.

For me, I'm excited because I'm starting school next month! The school worked out a payment plan and I'm so excited to be working toward my dreams. I want to show my daughter that I'm making something of my life.

CarolinaGirl2014

@dimples12‌ so good to hear from you! Glad to hear this year has been better so far. How far away does your DS1 live?

I'm kind if dreading Mother's Day. A's mom and I had agreed to not use any name with mom for me so she wouldn't be confused about who mom is. Now I regret it because I want to be tummy mommy or birthmom but I know her mom struggles with not getting to be her only mom and is not willing/able to share the title- I can't refer to her as ours in the sense of motherhood (which I get totally and hate it for her but it hurts). I'm scared she won't recognize me on Mother's Day and for some reason that's really important to me. I'm sure she'll check on me some time that week but I guess I need her to validate that I am a mom still on Mother's Day. Any tips on how you ladies handle Mother's Day?