DH difficult question

AshRouss

DH and I have been discussing expanding our family, but he is apprehensive and scared.  The other day he asked me, "how will having a child improve our life, its already pretty great?"

I didn't know how to answer it.  I struggled to figure out a good answer.  Did anyone have a similar talk with their spouse?

Helenahhandbasket

Not really.

And while I am a parent, I won't say having a child improved (or un- improved-- is that a word?) my life.  H and I just both wanted to be parents.  It's a complete lifestyle change from being child free.  Some things are better (our DD is amazing), some worse (we are broke).

 

theholmanherd

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It sounds like he is opposed to kids (for now) because he's afraid to give something up that he perceives as good or valuable. Perhaps that's financial stability, traveling, going out with friends, or just changing a diaper, but you need to ask him what he's afraid of with having children. Maybe use the word apprehensive.

To answer your question, I never dealt with this. My DH and I have wanted kids since about the same time frame and it always just clicked. Additionally, I think we just want children to love and raise as our own. We love kids and want to be a family. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Edit: skipped a word

divinemsbee

I don't think having a child is about 'improving my life.' A kid shouldn't be born with a job. Similar to Joy's reasoning, I want a child because I want to love, raise, and educate a new little person and member of a new generation. Family is really important to me, so I also think the idea of adding to that family is important. Do I think doing all of that will make my life different and possibly/probably better? Yes, but that's not the why of it.

I agree with PP that you should talk to your husband and see what his apprehensions are. Did you guys talk about if you wanted kids and how many before you got married? If so, can you talk about what he said then vs. what he's saying now and maybe get to the bottom of it?

I think the idea of being a parent is always scary, because it's jumping into the unknown and taking on a great responsibility, but I am hopeful that it is worth it.

LimaD

divinemsbee said:

I don't think having a child is about 'improving my life.' A kid shouldn't be born with a job. Similar to Joy's reasoning, I want a child because I want to love, raise, and educate a new little person and member of a new generation. Family is really important to me, so I also think the idea of adding to that family is important. Do I think doing all of that will make my life different and possibly/probably better? Yes, but that's not the why of it.

I agree with PP that you should talk to your husband and see what his apprehensions are. Did you guys talk about if you wanted kids and how many before you got married? If so, can you talk about what he said then vs. what he's saying now and maybe get to the bottom of it?

I think the idea of being a parent is always scary, because it's jumping into the unknown and taking on a great responsibility, but I am hopeful that it is worth it.

Yes! I was struggling trying to come up with the right words, and the bolded sums it up well for me too.