Deciding on Number of Kids

sschwege

Ever since I can remember I have wanted a big family, anywhere from 4-6 kids sounds perfect to me.  DH has only ever wanted 2.  Before we got married or shortly thereafter DH and I agreed that 3 would be how many kids we would hope to have.  I have always told him that if he ever changes his mind about the third, it would of course be disappointing, but I would be able to make my peace with it, etc.  He will sometimes make jokes about stopping at 2, like for example if I've had a bad day or something.  Last night I was really getting frustrated with DD about bedtime (I was acting fine to DD, but after I left her room I was visibly worked up).  Anyway, DH said, "And you want a third!"  Later after I wasn't frustrated I asked him if he was thinking seriously that he did not want another baby, he said what he has always said before and that feels like there is another soul out there for us though he tries to deny it even to himself.  He always says the same thing.  He explained that he worries about money, etc.  

DH has always been a worrier when it comes to money.  But truly we are doing fine, have great health insurance, put away 17% for retirement, our only debt is mortgage/1 car loan/student loan, we have an OK rainy day fund (about 25% of DH's annual salary) etc.  Plus we plan to move out to the suburbs in the next year or so which will cut or mortgage/cost of living significantly and hope to have my student loans paid off in 3 years.  So I really think we are doing fine.  I know DH worried about this with our first and now our second, so this isn't really a surprise, but I guess last time I didn't worry so much because he had always wanted two kids, now the third is more my idea I guess.

Please understand DH is the most wonderful man alive and I know he would never throw it back in my face or even think it.  Like if I was struggling at 3am with a newborn I know he wouldn't be saying/thinking, 'she wanted this kid'.  I guess I'm just wondering, is it normal for one person to be more excited about adding to their family or is this a sign of something being off? 

Oh and we are planning to starting trying in September if that makes a difference.

nopegoat

Dude, adding a kid no matter what number it is for you, is a big deal. H and I are 100% sure we want to add a third, but we still have days like OMG we are crazy. 

Like @Nicb13 said, just lay it all out and talk to him about it.