Thoughts on baby #2

littlemurphy2912

So my DD is 19 months old. My DH had told me when she was 6 months old that he would like for us to be pregnant around now just to keep her and whatever sibling close in age. I understood his thinking on that because my sisters are real close in age but always played with each other and knew each others' friends and such. Him and his sister are 7 years apart and are just not starting to discover their similarities with things but he doesn't want that for our kids and I don't either. I told him that I would like to wait till she is at least 2 to start trying again because I would like for her to be at an age where she can help me with another sibling and is old enough to understand thing better and can talk to me and just basically help us out and be a big sister. Well lately we have been stalling on the idea of baby #2 due to finances and other things. We keep telling ourselves we don't know what could happen down the road that could change the way we live in a good way that we could afford another baby or what. He would like for me to be a stay at home mom if we were to have another but I like the idea of being able to go to work and bringing in a decent amount of money to support our family and allow us to do fun things together that cost money. I know many people that have kids that the moms are stay at home and they love it. I also know that it scares me thinking of having another child with my DD being extremely clingy to me and needing our attention all the time. We want to give her our attention now while we can and my DH and I agreed that we think she would be just fine with a baby if we had another but are stalling on that idea for right now. She does test our patience a lot and we find ourselves at our wits end with her at times but try to just breathe and be patient and not get upset with her. Any others out there with any tips or helpful thoughts on if you've been in this situation before and just handling more than one kid with working or being a stay a home mom and what it's like? I know we would work through it and it wouldn't be that bad but I just want to make sure I am a good mom and the kind of mom I want to be with my DD before we add another to the mix. My LO is in the terrible two's stage already and it's been a lot to deal with at times but we are handling it the best way we know how to just hope it's the right way. Thanks!

kderham

I'm in the same boat with you as far as finances go. I really want to start trying for baby 2 once DS turns two but daycare will be crazy expensive at that point. I LOVE my son, please don't misunderstand, but I'm just not made to be a SAHM. Part of me says, just go for it. People with far less than me have multiple children all the time! But then the other part of me, the part that over thinks says wait. However, I'm not willing to wait too long causing the age gap to be too great for our liking. For us, we have some deadlines, more or less, that we have decided on. So, we will wait to see if our finances improve (which they very well might in the near future) but if by 2015 still no major improvements, we will just make the leap.

My son hit the terrible 2s early too. I'm not sure if you are interested or not but Love and Logic Magic turned him around! Now, its like a piece of cake! I feel like I could have 4 kids and be just fine

ashiscute

Holy paragraphs!  

Anyway, I'm a sahm to 2.  Mine are 19.5 mos apart.  I think most moms worry too much about the effect having another sibling will have on their child.  (I know I was a mess my whole pregnancy with DS.)  Kids adapt to things easily and my kids love to play together.  DD turned 3 in January and DS is 18 mos and they are best friends.  And I love it.  It's way easier to deal with them together than 1 on 1 because they keep each other entertained.  And while my DD couldn't help too much with DS was born she did bring diapers and toys to him and try to play.  I think you'd have to have a much older child to get real help.

As for the staying home part I think that's a tough decision.  I absolutely love being at home with my kids.  And yes, we have to forgo certain things but for me everything I'm giving up is worth it to be home with them.  We still are able to do a vacation each year and they have nice holidays and whatnot.  But DH and I do not spend much on ourselves.  However, if you do not really want to be home this could easily make you miserable.  Having 2 (especially at first) means you will be at home more.  It can be very isolating, especially if you are used to being at work and socializing.  There are days (especially during the super cold) where DH is the only adult I talked to.  And that can be tough.  

These are decisions that you and your DH need to make together and be 100% on board with.  Maybe you could do some PT work so you get the best of both worlds?  I hope this is somewhat helpful.  Also, your LO sounds totally normal.  My DS is super clingy and always wants me.  He deals with it when his sister gets it instead.  Good luck!!!!

EandIMommy86

I am a SAHM AND have 2 under 2. they are 15 months apart. 19 months and 4 months. We had the same logic your husband did. We wanted them close in age so that they will always have a playmate, etc. With DD who is the oldest, we got big gender neutral items such as strollers and car seats that we can use again regardless of if the baby is male or female. We saved all of our bottles so that we can re use them again etc. I also saved any diapers LO grew out of so that we could use them for the next baby. My 19 mo is currently in the beginning stages of the terrible 2's.

They currently interact minimally due to the fact that DS is not really that mobile right now. DS smiles a lot at DD and will watch her walk around. She gives him kisses, brings his pacis and blankets to him and will try to touch his arms or face to say hi. It can be difficult at times when they both need something. This is why it is good that your toddler is on a schedule and sticks to it, because when the second comes along, everything is not as chaotic because they are used to a routine every day.

Keep in mind personality and temperament of your child should also come into play. If you have a LO that is hard to deal with and is needy, you should probably wait. I have a very mellow LO with a strong personality, but likes to do things herself, help out, etc. She doesn't cry a whole lot.  With that being said, we were able to bring on a second. DS is also a mellow baby, so it has helped make the process easier.

As far as finances you just need to budget and utilize your resources. My mom loves to shop and is always buying things for DD and DS. They have more than enough clothing and such because she is always sending us stuff for them. We already had a carseat, changing table pack and play, etc from the first, so we did not have to buy any big items. We will just end up having to buy another dresser and crib down the road.

Sorry it was so long, but make sure you consider all factors and not just one or two. Good Luck.

littlemurphy2912

kderham said:

I'm in the same boat with you as far as finances go. I really want to start trying for baby 2 once DS turns two but daycare will be crazy expensive at that point. I LOVE my son, please don't misunderstand, but I'm just not made to be a SAHM. Part of me says, just go for it. People with far less than me have multiple children all the time! But then the other part of me, the part that over thinks says wait. However, I'm not willing to wait too long causing the age gap to be too great for our liking. For us, we have some deadlines, more or less, that we have decided on. So, we will wait to see if our finances improve (which they very well might in the near future) but if by 2015 still no major improvements, we will just make the leap.

My son hit the terrible 2s early too. I'm not sure if you are interested or not but Love and Logic Magic turned him around! Now, its like a piece of cake! I feel like I could have 4 kids and be just fine

I completely understand what you are saying. I haven't ever had to be a stay at home mom just because my DH and I couldn't afford me to stay home. We need the extra income. I am not sure how I would do with being a SAHM. I know there are days where I am sick or don't feel good and all I want to do is lay down and rest and if my DD didn't go to daycare I wouldn't be able to do that and would have to just suck it up and deal and I am not sure how I would do that. She really likes her daycare though and gets lots of education and interaction with other kids and really enjoys it and she has prospered a lot being there too. I keep saying in my head "how could a mother like me have a child stay home with it for a certain period of time and then decide I had to pay other people to watch my child for me while I went to work to provide for his and the rest of my family? I should just stay home and be with my child and care for it and not depend on someone else to do it for me when it's my child." But I know SO many people do it these days. I think my DH and I will figure something out when our DD's 2nd birthday comes around and we will just have to be patient with her and just go with it and I know she will do fine. We may have trouble with her now but in the end she always wants mommy and sometimes even daddy so we know we are doing good with her overall. Yes! I would be interested in that...is it a book? Thanks for everyone's advice!