T&P Request Please (mrsjessicamitchell)

MJM3108

Ladies, please pray for me and for H. Many of you know the issues we are having, and that he (and we) had been in counseling. Well, H and I got into a huge fight this morning, and long story short, he packed 2 bags and left. 

I have no clue where he went, or when (or even if) he is coming back.... I am a mess, and just don't know what to do. I am sitting here at work just staring at my computer and crying. My dad is with Ben, but I just want to go home and hold him. 

I am so blindsided, confused, hurt, and just feeling completely destroyed. I have no clue what I am going to do. 

Aubs0009

((huge hugs)) Mama . . . .  I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

ProfessorPedals825

I'm so sorry to hear this.  Take a breather from work if you need to.  I'll be praying for you.  Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

martinimomma

Huge ((hugs)) and prayers that you and H are able to see past the agner of this morning and have a logical discussion about the issues facing your family.

FmrAFBrat

((HUGE HUGS)) I am so sorry to hear this. I was hoping things would work out. I'll be sending T&Ps your way. If there's anything you need just ask.

KikiCohen

I'm so sorry! Many T&Ps that everything works out.

Mom2anAngel2

((HUGS))

QuigleyCat1

I am so very sorry.  I'm not here a whole lot until very recently, and I don't know the issues and that's ok.  I just want to send you huge hugs and let you know that you and your family are in my prayers.  I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 

KJsbabe

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope everything works out.

MJM3108

Thanks so much ladies. I really appreciate it. Things had been getting better until last Sunday (not yesterday) when we had a huge speedbump. While I was checking on H as he gave me permission to do, I found something that made me absolutely sick to my stomach. It was a personal ad he placed on Craigslist for "Weekday Fun" and the contents of that ad repulsed me. He had already deleted the ad because when I clicked the link to Craigslist, it said the posting had been deleted. It appears he deleted it less than 24 hours after posting it. (Totally beside the point, I know) Based on our Pastor's recommendation, I did NOT ask him to leave last week. He apologized profusely, and I literally smashed his cell phone and put parental controls on our home computer. I gave him a non-smart phone to be able to use when he goes to work so he can be in touch with me if needed. This past week, we did not really talk about it much, and due to some unforeseen circumstances, we also did not have an appt with his/our therapist. 

So this morning when he was being a total dick, I called him out on it. I told him he was lucky I didn't ask him to leave last week, and he should basically be bending over backwards doing whatever he can to try and fix our marriage. That just set him off and he told me he "already apologized for that" and that if I was going to "keep throwing it in his face" that he was just going to leave. He TOTALLY made himself out to be the victim in this whole situation and tried to make me the bad guy. I told him he was WAY out of line, and that HE was the one who broke his marriage vows, not me. Sadly, my dad, who was there to watch Ben today, saw/heard everything, but gratefully, he was able to keep Ben distracted so he didn't really seem to notice what was happening. 

I still feel sick to my stomach. I am scared my marriage is over. H and I have been together for 13 years and just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. While I am furious with H, and all trust is gone, I take my marriage vows seriously, for better or for worse... This is definitely the WORST. But I want to make it work. When I asked him if he still wanted to make it work he said he didn't know. 

If he really is gone for good, I am going to have to move, because I cannot afford to live there on what I make. I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear....

martinimomma

I just checked in on this post and saw your response, and it is breaking my heart.  I am hopeful that your H will see the error of his blowup and get back with the program you have diligently set up.  That program probably needs to be expanded to medical/psychiatric counseling if he is seeking people on-line via Craigslist still after the counseling you've had. Addictions can be so strong - and it seems like this one is not willing to let go.

In addition to being hopeful, I am also a pragmatist (and a lawyer - though not a family law specialist and this is stated personally and not as legal advice).  Have you retained copies or a record of what you have identified over the past weeks?  Like the Craigslist posting and cell phone/text records?   If not, and you can still access some of what you found (and as painful as it is) I would suggest that you retain copies.  If things go the way you would rather they not, you may need to bring some of these things into evidence or part of the discussion.

((More Hugs))

fallfever

I'm so sorry:( T&Ps

MJM3108

@martinimomma- I did have the presence of mind to forward that email I found to myself. There's no way he could refute that he placed the ad, either, as he attached pics of himself. I don't know if I can retrieve what was on his cell as the screen is obliterated. I have no clue if the web history could be brought back on another phone. I doubt it.... I don't want to think about things going that way, but you're right, I may need it in the future if H decides he really does want to walk away from our marriage. 

He had to know I was going to find that. That's the part I don't get. He gave me his passwords and asked me to check on him. I was only doing what he asked.... 

We are currently on hold with our current psychologist's office, as they misinformed us in the beginning about being in network w/ H's insurance plan. Turns out, they are out of network and want $500 from us before seeing us again (H's out of network deductible). There is NO way that can happen, so we were in the process of finding a new psychologist. I have an appt to see our pastor tomorrow night.

@Michbot- I pray the same thing! As much as I detest what he did, I recognize the beast that is addiction hard at work in him. While he must be held accountable for what he did, I have it in my heart to forgive him. It will take time and a lot of serious work on his part to repair the damage done. He just needs to decide if he is willing to do the work. 

What do you do when the person you've spent almost half your life loving walks away??? 

4legsRbest

Oh no, this is awful. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you have done everything you can to try to work things out. I hate that he left - that is not fair. Scream, yell, throw stuff, but don't walk out. I am sure there is more to disucss before you know if it is over or not, all I have to offer is a virtual hug and a reminder to be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong and this is not your fault. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

ksyknelvr73

I'm so sorry. I'm sending so many HUGS your way right now. I'm so disappointed in your H and I know you are too. Having been through something like this, I can understand all the feelings you have right now. You guys really sound like you have a good plan in place and I hope that you can keep moving forward and working to fix things.

anitaflora

I am so, so sorry. I wish I had something to say to make this better for you - I am just heartbroken reading this. I am sending you a million hugs and lots and lots of love.

km_md

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you're going through this.

ellebelle2384

I'm so sorry.  Wishing you peace no matter what happens.  Hugs.

KGS2003

T&Ps to you.

stefuge

So many ((hugs)). Sending T&P.

BootsOrHearts

I am so sorry. However things work out I hope they come to resolution soon and you can move past this. I don't know the details of your situation but we're all here for you, and know that you are strong and you will get through it!

Huge, huge, HUGS

Mmm79

I haven't been on TB for a few days and I just saw this.

 I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself and Ben.  Take it one hour at a time.

You know we are here for you.

 

Hugs.

luvboston

Hugs

charmedgrl517

I'm so sorry. I was praying that he was getting better and seemed like everything was getting better. I don't understand the fact that he knew you would find either. It must just be the addiction. I'm praying for you and I hope your DH realizes what an amazing wife you are to be taking your vows so seriously. You are an incredibly strong woman! I give you so much credit. I don't know what I would do and like to think that you are making the right choice of trying to make this work. I really hope he can realize this and do the same. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! Just know we are all thinking and praying for you guys.

linzeeh80

I'm so sorry. Sending T&P's. (((hugs)))

kbhaynes

I am so, so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been in a similar situation myself. I can empathize with you on how you felt after finding that. I really hope that things work out for the best for you and H. ((hugs))

ravenclaw1

What a horrible situation. I hope things work out however is best for your family.