Vent/super sad (pregnancy mentioned not mine)

hope2bmom83

Hey ladies.  I had a bomb dropped on me this weekend.  My sister is 19, in college, and been dating a guy for about 3 or 4 months. Welp, she is pregnant.... WTF!  I don't really know how to handle it.  I am super sad and disgusted and just over whelmed.  DH and I sat on the couch and cried after she called me.  She hasn't told anyone else yet, so I can't talk to anyone about it.  I'm thinking maybe now we will come out to our whole family.  I am afraid if I dont come out they will wonder why i'm not happier for my sister or constantly gush about it to me.  I did tell my sister how I feel and told her I want to be there for her, but this is something we want sooooo bad and we have spent so much time, effort, energy, and money on.  She says she understands, but I don't think you can really understand this.  I'm really hoping I can come to terms with this and learn to accept it. 
I've seen other ladies post about this subject, how do you handle it?  Any advice?

cymber217

Take it one day at a time. I think its good you have a supportive husband that can cry with you. That is kinda cute. I dont think this is a good situation for your sister to be in. It will now be tough for her to finish college and there is some uncertainty to whether or not her boyfriend will be around. Is your sister happy or scared? Im sorry life is so unfair I am an only child and will never have a niece or nephew so I guess just be there for your future niece or nephew and I wish you the best and I hope it happens for you soon.  

athlete010688

I am so sorry  I don't have any experience with anyone super close to me getting pregnant.  My friend is pregnant, but I don't see her that often and she doesn't post much on facebook.

hope2bmom83

I think my sister is confused about how she feels.  She wanted to be a research dr and school has proved to be tough for her already (her grades are not too great prior to this happening). I asked her what she thought and she said she was definitely going to finish school.  I don't know how to tell her while it is very possible, she has no idea how hard it is going to be.  Her BF is 10 years older than her with the maturity level of an 18 yo.  He is super happy about this.  IDK i'm probably being a little mean, but i've been trying for 29 months and this is just so hard to deal with.

CandaceC1020

I'm not too sure of what to say here.  Just know that I'm thinking about you and sending hugs your way.  

jamielynn53

I completely understand. My sister got pregnant at 22 and not in the best circumstances. It was AWFUL for me, and got worse before it got better. She said some awful things to me though, like.. "you are just bitter and jealous"....that was the worst one. My family knew, so they were very supportive of me. We worked through it and I even hosted her baby shower. My niece is now 13 months and I couldn't imagine life without her.

I think you should be honest with your feelings and give yourself a little distance until you are more comfortable with the situation. I am so sorry that you will go through this because I can remember exactly how I felt and I would never wish that on anyone.

hope2bmom83

Thanks girls.  You all bring up really good points.  My sister know about our IF, she came over one day before I got home from work and saw my med schedule from my RE on my fridge.  I let her know that this is hard for me but I really want to be there for her as much as I can. 
@calindi this is exactly what I was afraid of.  We had been on the fence for the last 6 months or so about coming out to everyone.  I had officially decided that I would come out during national IF week.  However then this happened and I started thinking maybe I should go ahead and do it.  Your right though, people will likely think i'm doing it for the wrong reason.  I dont want people to have pity on me or think i'm trying to steal her thunder.  I just want to protect my own feelings.  IDK what we will decide.  I'm just hopeful that I can get KU too and none of this will matter anymore

Milagros315

I'm sorry. That does sound like a really difficult situation. 

I think it's good that you let your sister know what's going on. Even if she doesn't really understand it or respect it (IMO experience, they never do) at least you won't feel pressure to make excuses for yourself. You need to take care of yourself first and everyone else second sometimes. 

I agree with calindi too - if you're ready to come out, go for it! I don't think you should let yourself be pressured by this situation though. One of the toughest things about coming out for me has been realizing that most people don't understand - it makes me feel even more lonely than I was when I kept it a secret. However, having the few people who do or at least try to understand has been totally worth dealing with all of the others. I hope that it's a positive experience for you if you do decide to open up about IF! Good luck and hugs

jencity9

That is so frustrating. I would be really upset and irritated in your situation.
(((hugs)))

ronniesgirl1981

Just wanted to drop in and send some extra hugs your way.

DharmaChick

I am so sorry that you are facing this frustrating situation.

I agree with the previous posts.  It sounds like your sister knows and has a basic understanding of why you may not be as excited for her.  Honestly, I don't think that your feelings about this are the business of anyone else. 

I also agree that, if you mention this too close to when she has announced her news, some people might misinterpret that as you trying to steal the spotlight or put a damper on her news. This may, unfortunately, make them a little less understanding of your situation.  Come out when you're ready - don't let this situation add any pressure.

*Big hugs*

gsancho

I'm sorry you're dealing with this...it's definitely a tough situation.  With close friends or relatives that have gotten pregnant, it's been a completely different experience every time - a lot of it having to do with the mom-to-be, her personality, and how she approaches everything.  

I always just make sure to say that I am super happy for them, but being that I am still sad for myself, some days I'll be in the mood to gush about everything and other days I'll need some time to myself - and it has nothing to do with them (which isn't always the case, but whatever).  Those who understood, have been great - although I still have to periodically remind them of the above.  Others have said they understand, but they don't, and they end up being the most selfish people ever, and those relationships I think have been permanently strained.  There is only so much you can do - just don't beat yourself up too hard and remember that you want to take care of yourself first.

As far as telling family, I don't think you'd have to make any big announcement to feel like you're stealing your sister's thunder.  Just wait and if someone asks you if you're next, you can have 2 or 3 sentences prepped saying the gist of your situation.  If they ask more, it's up to you how much to share.  But I even came out to a couple of people at my friend's baby shower this weekend and it was no biggie - they stopped asking questions and went back to focusing on the happy, pregnant lady of the hour.

SnowFlake84

My brother and SIL are due next month. It's tough. They got a BFP on their first try. Hang in there.

hope2bmom83

Thank you all so much for your opinions and support.  I am going to do everything in my power to be 100% supportive for my sister.  Right now she is too scared to tell my parents so i'm just trying to make sure she gets some prenatals and things before she tells them and gets in to a dr.  You know one thing she said is she considers me her best friend and wants me to be there for her as much as I can.  I am trying to focus on that.  You girls are right, in the end I will have a niece or nephew and that is super exciting regardless of the situation.  I am going to take the "outing myself" thing day by day.  I may just stick with the we're talking about it answer for a while.  The last thing I want to do is steal her thunder or to be mistook for trying to get sympathy.  At least right now i'm not on meds so my hormones are a little more controlled lol. 
If nobody has told you ladies before you all kick serious ass!  Between this and my brothers cancer diagnosis you ladies have been there for me!  I really appreciate that.  Love you all!! 

lmlee15

Sorry you're feeling frustrated... it's hard to get excited for other people when they weren't trying to become pregnant when here we are... planning and ready and haven't been able to get that + HPT. Keep your head up!