Going through a sudden "No" phase

Micelle78

I thought of Auntie first when writing this, but anyone is welcome to comment.

My son has had a pretty significant speech delay and has been in speech for a year and a half.  His sentences are getting better and he is picking up verbs left and right but his speech is still very practiced sounding.  Like he sees a lot of cars in a parking lot and he will say" Oh wow mommy.  Look at all these cars!"  Then today I was scrap booking and had a lot of pictures across the table and he said "Look at all these pictures!!"  So he knows how to use the sentences and change them to the situation but his bag of complex sentences is still smaller than I would like.  If there is a lot of something he will say "Oh wow look at all the ______". 

So with that background he started telling me "No" a LOT this week.  I said "Hey DS we need to go the store"  He says"No mommy.  No no no no!" I asked him if he wanted chicken strips for lunch "No chicken mommy"  I asked if he wanted to take a bath "No, no take a bath"  He has always been a go with the flow kid and if he didn't want to do something, I am speculating here, but he would not know we were doing it until we were and then he might protest.  If that makes any sense.  His receptive language was VERY behind so I might say we are doing something and I am not sure he always knew exactly what I was talking about.  Oddly too since he has not been able to answer yes/no questions until very recently (this is still hit/miss), he never really said the words no or yes very often.  I feel like I am finally reaching the terrible twos (which I am excited about) right now because he suddenly has an opinion that he can share with words and not crying.

So my question, is this just a "normal" progression to more advanced speaking? I know kids are supposed to go through a "no" phase around 2-2.5 years old.  He is 3.5 and if this means we are reaching a new milestone-- I am going to do a little dance

kcisthebombdotcom

Yes, that's a very good (albeit annoying) developmental phase. His words have power and they're fun! To help it, offer choices. Give him two things to choose from for lunch. If bath is part of a routine, you can ask if he wants to brush teeth or take a bath first. Visuals that go through his routine can help as well.

Micelle78

KC_13- I think if you asked me a few years ago I would have totally agreed--super annoying, but now its EXCITING!  I am hoping that more breakthroughs are on the horizon.  I do naturally try to offer choices, but as echolalic as he used to be, he would just repeat your last part of the sentence.  I think its been only about the last 6 months that he understands choices and is able to answer them *usually* appropriately with out resorting to echolalic responses.

Auntie- Thanks, i will in fact do a jig given that it is St Patty's afterall... LOL
I appreciate the experiences you share of your own son.  I have been very pessimistic lately as I watch the months pass and his speech still sounds so rehearsed and he is still unable to answer yes/no questions accurately sometimes and that he still can not answer why or how are you today? type stuff. I cry probably once every few weeks if I let myself think about it too much and not appreciate our progress with him. I am scared that he may never live alone or have a life that he can take care of himself without needing us.  Of course, if it happens, we will deal with it, I guess I just wish I could know and grieve it out now instead of feeling like this is will be another 15-20 years before I will know the answer to that question.

I don't know why, but the age of 4 seems like an age you can't really do the "well yeah... he's four.  That's what four year olds do..." with the general public.  I still get a lump in my throat when people in public try to ask him questions and I don't want to go on a nice long explanation about why he is not answering them and instead is talking about something random.  His receptive language has gotten better but not what a person that didn't know him would expect him to talk like.  I am dreading him turning four-- even though its still 3 months away--- I still obsess about it.  In someways I am having a harder time than this time a year ago.  I like that only certain people really need to know things.  The expectation of a three year old in most people's eyes is not really that high.  Once he hits four, I just feel like the game will change.  Also, his sister who turns one this week seems like she understands me more than he ever did.  I have something to compare him to.  They are both super cuddly, energetic, and happy, but she seems like she is way more graceful, strong, and comprehends when you are talking to her. 

Maybe I am over thinking it.  I do have that personality trait-- my husband is still living in denial land and I let him a bit.  He did get a reality check this week though,  My mom had to fly and visit her father who has cancer and was unable to watch our kids last week.  That meant DH took the whole week off with our *almost* one year old DD and 3.5yo DS.  He took DS to preschool and for really the first time, outside of our 3.5 year old niece, was able to see what a 3.5 yo NT child was like-- a classfull.  He was really quiet when I came home from work that day and the only thing he really said to me was "This waiting game is hard.  I wish we had answers and knew the outcome."  I was surprised he was so willing to share that with me.  He has been the one to claim our son was just a little on the wrong side of the language bell curve but not an outlier.  He is holding onto the hopes that the fact he can read and figures out how stuff works means that stuff is going on in there and he just needs to figure out how to say it and its not going to be a lifelong problem. 
Of course, I hope he is right, but in the meantime, I am the one who has him in multiple therapies and activities (speech, feeding therapy, OT and preschool).  It all has really made us have to communicate better and I think strengthened our marriage.

A2TP

We are going through something similar right now with my DS1 (3.5 & ASD). He didn't have the language skills for the usual "no" stage and now we are just coming out of a stage where "no, I don't like XYZ" was his immediate response to everything (including his FAVORITE things). Exciting progress and so annoying all at the same time. Thankfully we seem to be on the downward side of this stage (and on to "I am mad/angry" being tried as an excuse to get out of anything now that he can identify feelings).

typeset

Congrats on the milestone! The others have offered good tips for helping him expand. 

We hit "no" late after dealing with a receptive delay, too.

At the market: "NO market!"
At the drug store: "NO drug store!"
At the bank: "NO bank!"
"The bank might have lollipops."
"NO lolli--have a lollipop?" 

Answering why and how is tough stuff. If he doesn't try to ignore us, we get told flat out "why is too tricky to answer right now." One of his IEP goals is to just ask why. The team thought we were crazy to include it; it's not crazy when your child isn't peppering you with the same questions his peers are.