Did you tell your employer?

SnowFlake84

The nearest RE is two hours away. I don't know exactly what approach they'll suggest, because we haven't had our appt yet. With a blocked tube, i'm assuming IVF.

Anyhow, what did you tell your boss? How many days did you miss?

SnowFlake84

I should add that we're ready to start with whatever approach the RE suggests. Our OBGYN suggested a referral a little over a year ago, but we decided to hold off and build up our health savings account.
Our insurance, luckily, covers IF treatments, but only after we meet our $7,000 deductible.

SO... Our appointment for my regular yearly pap (and to get our official referral) is March 31. I'm hoping we're not on a long waiting list to see the RE, but I guess it's close to time to say something to my employer?

katib77

Wait until you have a plan. If you are doing IUI you will only need a few early morning apts and can let them know you'll just be late four days or so in a two week period. If however you're correct that you need IVF, you'll need at least two full days off for ER and ET as well as many mornings for apts.

My work has known from starting IUIs that I need time every few months for treatment. And because of my job being on my feet 100%, for IVF I actually took fmla for sveral days and vacation time.

ReneeJ2011

I told my supervisor what was going on when I had to come in late for the first time.  She was SUPER understanding and said that they will work with me 100%.  She has had other employees and some close family members go through IF treatment so she knows that they tell you what day to come in you don't get to schedule it and she completely understands. 

SnowFlake84

Thanks, ladies! I suppose it's probably best to wait till we have our plan.

athlete010688

I told my boss as well.  However, it's just me and her at the location we're at (Indianapolis area).  The rest of the department is at the corporate office in Seattle.  She's very understanding, as she went through infertility either, and they couldn't have kids.  We actually talk about what's going on as well, but I definitely realize that's not the norm.

athlete010688

For those curious about FMLA covering infertility...I deal with FMLA at my job (HR Specialist), and I just looked at the SHRM website.  From what I understand, the individual appointments for testing and such wouldn't be covered.  

Here's exactly what it says from the SHRM website:

It could, depending upon the circumstances. As with all medical absences, if the individual case meets the criteria of a serious health condition under the FMLA, then it will be FMLA qualifying. For instance, having tests done to determine the cause of infertility would be covered as a test to determine whether an individual has a serious health condition. Missing a portion of a day to have an infertility treatment done may not meet the definition, as that alone would not likely meet the definition of a serious health condition. Surgery needed to correct an underlying condition, prolonged bedrest needed after treatment or serious conditions that develop due to treatment requiring time off from work could meet the definition

Sorry, it does seem pretty vague, and doesn't give a definite issue.  I hate FMLA (from an employer aspect) because it is so vague.

ETA:  I also wanted to add, that some courts (not all) have also ruled that infertility and fertility treatments are protected under the pregnancy discrimination act.  Because of three words in the definition of the act "related medical conditions".  The PDA prohibits employers from discriminating against employees based on pregnancy, child birth, or related medical conditions.  Again, not all courts have ruled that though.  

I was also reading some information on this, and it does sound like IVF would be able to be covered under FMLA.  I'm not sure about the appointments for IUIs and such.  

athlete010688

Yeah, most start out with if the Employee will miss 3 days in a row of work is where FMLA will be applied.  If we have an employee calls in ill for 3 or more days, we're supposed to start the FMLA process. We don't always...we usually wait until a week, but we could start the FMLA process at 3 days.  

lebradford

I told my boss what was going on. It was less stressful to me to have her know then to be worried that she'd be pissed that I was sometimes missing morning meetings, coming in late, etc. When I told her, I was also working part-time, and I knew it would look especially bad if it appeared that I was scheduling a bunch of appointments during working hours when (it would appear) that I could just schedule them in the afternoon.

Luckily, she was very understanding, and said other teachers in our building had gone through the same thing, and she was familiar with the schedule of frequent appointments and lack of advance notice, and she was very encouraging, yet professional.

pcrumley

Yes!!!--I told my employer, and it was awesome, her and her DH went thru secondary if, and couldn't conceive for six years so it made me feel not alone..

SnowFlake84

Interesting FMLA info. Didn't even think of it. I'll check with my state. My boss is a man. This will be awkward, but definitely a conversation I will have to have when I get our plan.

SnowFlake84

Halsing said:

SnowFlake84, I hope when you do have the conversation with your boss, it goes okay.

Me, too. Thanks!

RunCC37

I did not tell my boss until we started doing IVF. Prior to that, we did five months of IUIs and testing. I was able to work out the schedule so that it didn't impact work. With IVF, it was harder to manipulate my schedule, and I didn't want the constant stress of feeling like I was 'cheating the system' at work. I felt like such a bad employee, but when I told my administrator she was so understanding. It really helped to alleviate a lot of the stress and I felt less guilty about missing work when my boss knew why.

ronniesgirl1981

It seems most contributors decided to tell their employers. I have not. For starters, my clinic is like a half mile from my job, so monitoring has no impact. Since we are moving on to IVF, I gave this a lot of thought. My job is crazy and--frankly--so is my agency head. I could not imagine them being truly supportive and professional. I haven't said a word. I plan to say I have a last minute specialist appt for ER and then call in sick for ET. Thankfully--craziness aside--they are usually pretty cool with last minute time off requests. But generally I think you should choose whichever path will bring you the least amount of stress. I firmly believe that sharing with my boss would bring more stress. Good luck to you!! Also, my RE said he would try IUI if only one tube was blocked.

ttuprincess

I work in a very small office and my RE doesn't start monitoring appts until 9 am so I pretty much had to tell my boss.  I am kind of glad I did in the end.  He has been really supportive and accommodating. 

kushie77

I work in a 3 person department, my boss, myself and another nurse.  My boss knows what's going on, she and my other coworker both went IF treatment and she had IVF herself.  She's very understanding.  Basically she told me that as long as our work is done, she doesn't care when I come and go.  I also have the luxury of working from home if needed.

athlete010688

I just asked my boss (HR Manager) about infertility and FMLA.  She feels that infertility would apply for FMLA.  She said it's no different than any other diagnostic appointments.  If we had someone out in the warehouse going through it and needing time off for appointments, she would have them fill out FMLA.  She things if you were denied FMLA because of infertility, you could challenge it and most likely win in a court of law.  She said she wouldn't want to work for an employer that denied FMLA due to infertility, because like others said, Infertility is a serious medical conditions.  

FMLA is vague for a reason, and you basically have to look at the whole picture.  

elucas2011

I work at a location with a small staff (Me + 4 others). My DH and I work for the same company at the same location, he is the foreman and I am the office manager (Our main office is across the state). With both of us being the only ones that are able to run the office where we work, we really didn't have much of a choice but to meet with our boss after being referred to my RE, since my husband would be attending most appts with me and we would be needing a fill-in from our main office. Our boss was very understanding, even when I was unexpectedly admitted to hospital a few weeks ago (2 hours away from home, where my RE is), he called and checked on me everyday and sent down a fill-in b/c he didn't want my husband to leave my side or driving that distance back and forth every day to work and something possibly happen. Thankfully, we have a boss that would do absolutely anything he could to if we needed something. 

athlete010688

elucas2011 said:

I work at a location with a small staff (Me + 4 others). My DH and I work for the same company at the same location, he is the foreman and I am the office manager (Our main office is across the state). With both of us being the only ones that are able to run the office where we work, we really didn't have much of a choice but to meet with our boss after being referred to my RE, since my husband would be attending most appts with me and we would be needing a fill-in from our main office. Our boss was very understanding, even when I was unexpectedly admitted to hospital a few weeks ago (2 hours away from home, where my RE is), he called and checked on me everyday and sent down a fill-in b/c he didn't want my husband to leave my side or driving that distance back and forth every day to work and something possibly happen. Thankfully, we have a boss that would do absolutely anything he could to if we needed something. 

That's awesome!  It's great that there are employers out there that are so kind and understanding!

mindaa

The advantage of applying for FMLA also, is that the details are confidential, (outside of the HR Rep who you would work with).  

In other words, you don't have to submit any documentation directly to your supervisor, and they are not required to know the details behind your absence. So, you could just tell them simply that you have had time off approved by HR for "FMLA", rather than having to share anything you are not comfortable with.

athlete010688

mindaa said:

The advantage of applying for FMLA also, is that the details are confidential, (outside of the HR Rep who you would work with).  

In other words, you don't have to submit any documentation directly to your supervisor, and they are not required to know the details behind your absence. So, you could just tell them simply that you have had time off approved by HR for "FMLA", rather than having to share anything you are not comfortable with.

This is true.  You never have to bring in documentation from your appointments.  

I will say, the disadvantage for having FMLA during this process would be if (hopefully) we're pregnant, that's less time after the baby would be born that you could have FMLA.  Since you're allowed 480 hours of FMLA in a 12 month period.

DreadGamerWife

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I also work in HR for a larger company and have walked several employees through telling this supervisors/managers about IF treatments (and did so myself).  So, if you feel comfortable with telling your manager directly, here is how I recommend doing so.

1)  Most Managers don't want specifics.  Provide the information in generalities with the focus on how it will impact your work (and how you can mitigate that impact).  Most managers don't want to know about details regarding which test you are taking or where in a cycle you are.  They want to know when you will need the time off to ensure adequate staffing.  Gather your information together and ask for a short meeting. 

2)  Give as much notice as possible.  I tend to recommend that if the employee is comfortable with telling her manager that the employee communicate to the manager that they are starting a new IF cycle and that the doctors anticipate needing time off (and the approximate dates).  Stress that this is a tenative plan and that the dates may change based on test results over the next two weeks.  This is particularly important for IVF cycles where most people do need to take off several days due to the ER and ET.  

3)  Communicate regularly with your manager - especially if your treatment dates change.  This allows them to change work scheduling if necessary and plan for your absence.  Also, if possible, be flexible regarding working additional hours around your time off to ensure that your work is made up without impacting other workers (if this is an option at your company/location).  Most of the managers that I support gladly allow the employees to make up lost time during the week / pay period, especially for medical issues or appointments.   However, do be aware of your state's FLSA laws regarding working additional hours during a work day.  

4)  If you do not feel comfortable speaking with your manager or supervisor about the IF, you just need to communicate that you need the time off for medical reasons (but provide the notice discussed above).  You can do this either directly to your manager or bring HR into the conversation.  However, they can request a doctor's note to back up your requests and if your clinic is anything like mine, once you turn in that note, the secret will be up as the note clearly states the clinic's name (even though the note shouldn't give specifics of treatment or even a diagnosis).  

5)  As pp have stated, FMLA law is vague regarding IF coverage.  I recently spoke with my in-house counsel and their recommendation was to consider IF part of FMLA covered items unless or until the court system definativley rules otherwise.  However, without the court or legal system's clarification, employers can chose to include IF in FMLA coverage or deny it.  There may be some states with additional laws that cover IF as protected, but check with your HR rep regarding it.  

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