** UPDATE** SO upset, DH is normally my rock

mrscurlygurl

jnnfrrose6 said:

As to the sex side of it, that's something completely separate from the money aspect, and something you may need to work on yourself, not him.  We're pregnant.  Our bodies are changing in ways we are not used to or prepared for.  It is hard to adjust, much less feel sexual or attractive to our husbands, but you really shouldn't be comparing the fact that he went to a strip club to you no longer being desirable to your husband.  One comes no where near equaling the other.

It actually sounds like the sex issue is something that had been going on before the pregnancy and is now made worse by it. 

OP, it sounds like you two just have a lot of communication issues to work through. I know first hand how going to one income (and being the person who is no relying on someone else for all money) can be difficult. A lot of factors play into that adjustment period too; how long were you working before hand, how much income did you give up in the decision, how do the two of you handle money decisions (this story makes it seem like that is an area that needs work). 

I can completely understand you being mad and having slept in another room...this isn't a one-off apology and everything is fixed issue. What he did just brings up the issues y'all need to talk about. If I were you, I'd make a list of everything I wanted to discuss. Now, I wouldn't go to him with that list...that could make him defensive, but I'd say "hey, we have xyz to talk about...can we just start with x and go from there?" 

Good luck!

AutumnBonfire

dlsexton said:

I've never been to one, the ones I've seen around here in IN look pretty trashy on the outside. Plus one of the PP said there's no alcohol at some?! If that was the case I'm definitely out.

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

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shanicenicolle said:

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

---------- Completely off topic but I find male strip clubs really weird and not fun lol

I would get more turned on watching men in a cooking class than gyrating in a thong on stage.

TurtleMonsters

i agree to make a list of ALL the things bothering you and talk it out. You have valid concerns with $$, not making $$ yourself (I've been in that place for a bit and it's hard to acclimate to), and whatever you feel about your sex life. I mean if it upsets you, it's valid and should be discussed regardless. You don't want that stuff hanging around, and he seems very apologetic and willing to talk to you about it. It'll clear the air to talk about it and come to compromises. All the struggles/fights I've had with Dh end up bringing us closer.
I'm a believer in don't ever go to bed mad (at whoever).

netsirk2013

Smoking in a strip club? Ugh, gross. That's some insane money he put out.

ghostof5letters

shanicenicolle said:

AutumnBonfire said:

dlsexton said:

I've never been to one, the ones I've seen around here in IN look pretty trashy on the outside. Plus one of the PP said there's no alcohol at some?! If that was the case I'm definitely out.

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

----------
Completely off topic but I find male strip clubs really weird and not fun lol



That's because of the laws surrounding liquor licenses. How naked you get (bikinis, or pasties and g-strings, or full monty) determine your liquor license eligibility.

netsirk2013

Depends on the state. Nh is pasties &gstring and they serve food and drink. Mass is full nudity, no food but they sell drinks.

yurmom

ghostof5letters said:

shanicenicolle said:

AutumnBonfire said:

dlsexton said:

I've never been to one, the ones I've seen around here in IN look pretty trashy on the outside. Plus one of the PP said there's no alcohol at some?! If that was the case I'm definitely out.

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

----------
Completely off topic but I find male strip clubs really weird and not fun lol

That's because of the laws surrounding liquor licenses. How naked you get (bikinis, or pasties and g-strings, or full monty) determine your liquor license eligibility.



Really? So the more nakey no alcohol? This is sounding less and less enticing.

blacktie3

I would also be upset at the situation, that being said its not good for you or the baby to stress!  Have you talked to him about how your sex life makes you feel as side from the $$ or this particular situation?  That might need to happen if you haven't already, you might be surprised at his answer as well.  Guys think of things totally different than we do....they totally miss the connection sometimes!  LOL!  He might be stressing some and if you've always been ok with the strip clubs in the past he is likely missing the connection.  He likely just got carried away!  Keep your chin up and talk with him!

ghostof5letters

dlsexton said:

ghostof5letters said:

shanicenicolle said:

AutumnBonfire said:

dlsexton said:

I've never been to one, the ones I've seen around here in IN look pretty trashy on the outside. Plus one of the PP said there's no alcohol at some?! If that was the case I'm definitely out.

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

----------
Completely off topic but I find male strip clubs really weird and not fun lol

That's because of the laws surrounding liquor licenses. How naked you get (bikinis, or pasties and g-strings, or full monty) determine your liquor license eligibility.

Really? So the more nakey no alcohol? This is sounding less and less enticing.

Full Monty = BYOB

ghostof5letters

Depending on how many friends, $600 sounds reasonable for 3+ people

cookieinva

dlsexton said:

dlsexton said:

I've never been to one, the ones I've seen around here in IN look pretty trashy on the outside. Plus one of the PP said there's no alcohol at some?! If that was the case I'm definitely out.

That was me who said that. I actually don't know of any near where I live that do serve alcohol. They're all BYOB and pretty trashy. I've never been to one. When I was younger, I wanted to just to see what it was all about. I had a friend who was a stripper at one and she used to tell me what went on. I worked with another girl who did "amateur night" at the same place (not sure how these people find me). It sounded exciting and scandalous at the time, but I have no interest now. DH isn't a strip club fan at all.

I've been to a male strip club and that got boring after the first few guys.

---------- Completely off topic but I find male strip clubs really weird and not fun lol

That's because of the laws surrounding liquor licenses. How naked you get (bikinis, or pasties and g-strings, or full monty) determine your liquor license eligibility.

Really? So the more nakey no alcohol? This is sounding less and less enticing.

Not that I have much experience, but I believe this rule of thmb applies more to female strip clubs than male ones. The one time I went to a male one with a group of girls for one's birthday they served the cheapest, strongest drinks ever. I guess they hope to make more in tips if the ladies are drunk? But they don't want guys drunk or they risk violence? I don't know. Glad neither I nor DH think they offer anything worth $500.

Wrights22

First- I will say - like some others... I would have a different take on the whole strip club thing to begin with. I would just feel so disrespected that my man is paying money to ogle other women. But given you are ok with him doing it.... I dunno.... I would think it conceivable that he paid the full bill for he and his buddies... Drinks, lap dances, high end bottle of booze? If you have a relationship where you've completely trusted him in the past doing this sort of thing... I would chalk it up to he made a bad mistake financially.... But wouldn't think that he's now going to cheat if you haven't ever thought that in the past.

littlesparrow602

I just read your update. I had originally refrained from posting on this because it made me so angry just reading it. You said your don't get sexual attention from your HUSBAND, but you and he have no problem with him going to strip clubs to get his rocks off with lap dances and strippers? They're is so much wrong here, I don't even know where to start.

CONativeGal

littlesparrow602 said:

I just read your update. I had originally refrained from posting on this because it made me so angry just reading it. You said your don't get sexual attention from your HUSBAND, but you and he have no problem with him going to strip clubs to get his rocks off with lap dances and strippers? They're is so much wrong here, I don't even know where to start.

Let's be clear here... #1 I did not say I never get sexual attention, I said it was infrequent. #2- I said I do not generally have a problem with strip clubs, but Im sorry I didn't specify that I think it's not healthy if it's a frequent choice or if obscene amounts of money are spent. Hence, the reason this episode upset me. If you didn't post earlier, why jump back in to make me look like Im the one in the wrong, or whatever you are trying to do? I welcome supportive women that have posted, have respected all opinions, and thanked people for their opinions and input. So please, go ahead and give me an earful at what you think is wrong with me, that's SUPER helpful.

kwh33ls

I've definitely been following this for a bit now. My DH isn't a huge strip club guy, but he'll go when the guys go...and I've gone with him - no biggie. HOWEVER, now that we're having a baby and thinking/worrying about paying for day care, supplies, etc., I would feel TOTALLY differently about it. When he goes out with his most pro-strip club friends, I just tell him "Please don't spend Sadie money on Sapphire. Please." I think he gets the message, and hasn't ceded to the party animal friends that seem willing to go any day of the week. I would be furious if he spent that kind of dough at a strip club. I hope this works out, and I think you're handling it as well as can be expected, OP. Good luck, chica. 

kwh33ls

netsirk2013 said:

Depends on the state. Nh is pasties &gstring and they serve food and drink. Mass is full nudity, no food but they sell drinks.

Depends on the strip club in MA...they all are full-nudity, and serve alcohol, but there are definitely some that have a lunch time buffet, which I hear is quite the bargain :P

netsirk2013

kwh33ls said:

netsirk2013 said:

Depends on the state. Nh is pasties &gstring and they serve food and drink. Mass is full nudity, no food but they sell drinks.

Depends on the strip club in MA...they all are full-nudity, and serve alcohol, but there are definitely some that have a lunch time buffet, which I hear is quite the bargain :P

GAG! Food at a strip club... now that's a line for me!

marsalisails

CONativeGal said:

Matthew930 said:

First of all, who are these deadbeat friends that can't pay their own way at A STRIP CLUB?! and he gave some cash too? Um, I've heard of picking up a round, but that's ridiculous.

Secondly, I don't understand the moral dilemma with collecting unemployment. You pay into unemployment insurance every paycheck. Technically you've already earned that money and put it away for safe keeping with our lovely government. BUT if you quit it is moot anyway because you don't meet the requirements.

Because I am so far along in my pregnancy, and my company knew that with no kind of performance problem with a termination, they put it in writing that if I filed for unemployment they would approve it and record it as involuntary. I negotiated that in my severance package, just in case my husband lost his job or something drastic happened.

That's cool of them. BE CAREFUL - I was laidoff when I was pregnant with my son, and they wouldn't send me a check after I gave birth because I wasn't "willing and able" to find work in their eyes. Since there is no policy or procedure that backs that up that they could send me, I called a week after DS was born and told them I was looking for work again...I WAS, but they took some convincing before they released the check, and I lost a week of pay that was sorely needed at the time. Just limit what you tell unemployment when you sign up. It is not a system that supports women in a bad situation, evidently.

kwh33ls

GAG! Food at a strip club... now that's a line for me! 

LOL...no kidding, right? Men are sorta gross. But a $10 lunch is a $10 lunch, I guess!

abundancenow

kwh33ls said:

GAG! Food at a strip club... now that's a line for me! 

LOL...no kidding, right? Men are sorta gross. But a $10 lunch is a $10 lunch, I guess!

DH always laughs to me about this.  His previous job was just around the corner from a strip spot that served a lunch special and lots of his coworkers would go often and invite him.  He found the idea of eating lunch at a strip place pretty gross, even at a discount price.  )

honeybee434

abundancenow said:

kwh33ls said:

GAG! Food at a strip club... now that's a line for me! 

LOL...no kidding, right? Men are sorta gross. But a $10 lunch is a $10 lunch, I guess!

DH always laughs to me about this.  His previous job was just around the corner from a strip spot that served a lunch special and lots of his coworkers would go often and invite him.  He found the idea of eating lunch at a strip place pretty gross, even at a discount price.  )

--------quote fail--------

We have those around my city and it grosses me out as well! But, on the flip side, I've heard multiple times that they are usually some of the cleanest places to eat. Most are under such a watchful eye with the city laws on how their run their business that they go above and beyond to make sure they meet health codes if they serve food so they can't use that as an excuse to get shut down. It still grosses me out, and i have no experience if that is actually true or not.