My marriage has taken a dive...

penelopemaria

I apologize in advance.. this is not baby related, but I don't really have many friends or anyone I can turn to. Thanks in advance for letting me vent….

Since my LO has arrived I've really disliked my husband, now it's gotten to the point where I am putting my ducks in order to move out. 

He complains constantly that he "doesn't have a life" yet he goes out with his friends AT LEAST 2x per week and socializes after work at least one or two in addition. He literally does nothing for the baby. He will talk to him, smile to him and hold him but he does literally zero baths, feedings and zero diaper changes. If I ask for help in the middle of the night he will give some lame excuse like, "I don't want to pick the baby up because I'm not awake yet and I'm worried about dropping him." I do everything. Every.Single.Thing. We don't even go to bed together anymore. He stays up until 2 or 3 am and sleeps in until 2pm. We don't have sex anymore, because he's "afraid of hurting my stiches" (I am almost 3 months PP and the doctors put us in the clear at 6 weeks PP). 

As mentioned above, I don't have many friends and after almost 3 long months, we finally had my friend and her husband over tonight. My husband was fine but at the end he was on his phone huffing and puffing. He finally mumbled under his breath at 10 pm that he had to call his friend as MY friend is still here and so he has to cancel with his friend. When I questioned him in private about what he meant, he said he made plans for 8pm with his buddies (the dinner with my friend started at 5) and now he has to miss it as my friends hadn't left yet. 

My friends heard this comment he made and immediately apologized and left. I was so embarassed and very angry at him. 

Knowing I was pissed, he asked me what was wrong, I calmly told him he embarassed me about the comment he made about my friends not leaving fast enough. Then he told me again how he has no life and he stormed out (to go out with his friends). 

I want a divorce, but I am torn. I know this sounds awful, but I want to stay with him for at least one more child so my son has a biological sibiling. Maybe that's a horrible reason, but I love my siblings and I couldn't imagine being an only child, so I wouldnt' want to do that with my son. It has gotten to the point where I don't even argue anymore because I don't want my son exposed to crazy parents yelling and partly because I have just given up. 

I'm sorry for this long winded rant. I am just alone right now, disraught and don't know what to do moving forward. 

Thanks for listening. 

MaybeKatie10

You want ANOTHER child with this man? You already cursed your first child with this bum of a Father. Love your future children enough to pick someone better. The most important decision that any woman can possibly make for her child is who gets to be his/her Father.

penelopemaria

Thanks. I realize it's very flamy worthy to stay with him for another kid, and I didn't mean to offend anyone with respect to half sibilings. I'm just not interested in looking for someone else, and I don't want my son to grow up an only child. - Again, I don't mean to offend, I just know I have such a great bond with my siblings and I don't want to rob my son of that. 

I have talked about counseling with him. He refuses to go, saying "we're fine". I'm currently in solo counselling. 

lollipoppoop

Sounds like he's seeing someone else if you ask me and it's a little disturbing you want another child with him just for that reason, that is a very selfish reason IMO

Virgo&Aquarius

How long have you known each other? How long have you been married? I apologize if you have a ticker but I'm mobile, can't see it.

If all these changes happened since the baby, maybe give it a little more time. Sometimes people need months to work through their issues or to try to before a decision is made. Sometimes it takes longer for a person to realize that they have something to work on in the first place. Could the relationship be worth saving if you can get past this hump?! New babies change a lot for everybody. Divorce is so final. I would stick it out a little longer because I know every marriage had issues but mine personally is worth trying to save. This was after we took almost a year off during the time we dated. Maybe you guys can take a break to see where that leads. In my case it lead to us coming together again.

Also, half or whole siblings are what you make them. My kids are "half" and my family doesn't even acknowledge it, they are just sisters. I know whole siblings who can't stand each other and who's relationship is dead. It's about relationships not about who their daddy is. I don't even have 1 whole sibling but you would never know because we share a sibling bond regardless of if we share a father. If divorce is the end all being a single mom of 1 is hard enough, I've been there. Being a single mom of two... even more so! Try not to open that can of worms if you don't have to.

dunvilles

Find a man that makes you HAPPY and havea child with him.... you do not want to raise two kids by yourself....

cagoldi

Does your husband know that you are upset enough to be considering a divorce? I don't think you should threaten him but I do feel like it's important he know how unhappy you are with his behavior.

As far as giving your child a sibling, that is a ludicrous justification for bringing another baby into a failing marriage. Your LO needs an engaged father a lot more than they need a brother or sister.

Just because you adore your siblings doesn't mean that will be the case for your children as they age. You and the baby's father are the baby's foundation and security. If your husband can't or won't be that for him, go it alone or find a man who can offer that.

Siblings are nice, but they aren't necessary. A father that wants to parent and spend time with your baby is.

ETA: hit post too soon.

rlyttle

How was he before the child was born? Is this a new thing or old? You guys are going through a transitional time right now with a new baby. I would give it awhile before divorcing him OR even thinking of having another child. He needs to go to counseling with you!!