GoodRead-mc mentioned.

pcrumley

Saw this circling it's way around Pinterest, it's about a woman who suffered a mc, she ends up saying that we are not alone in this, and in fact many people gave had this loss, and she believes it shouldn't be taboo. It made me cry. She is very descriptive in this, and if you don't want to read about a loss..please don't click. . I hope some of you like it the way I do. . And find it helpful, it's truly given me a different perspective . . https://www.xojane.com/issues/first-trimester-miscarriage-stories

CandaceC1020

Wow.  This makes me question what I will do when I do finally become pregnant.  My husband and I have sworn that we will not tell anyone until we are past the 12 week mark.  The unfortunate reality is that you can lose a baby at any time.  Jack Osborne and his wife announced their pregnancy in their second trimester and then had a miscarriage. 

Part of me now thinks that my husband and I have worked so hard for a pregnancy and we both want it so badly, we should scream and shout it to the world when it finally happens.  This article makes me feel like I shouldn't keep anything secret. 

athlete010688

Wow,  I second @candacec1020.  I always said that once we got pregnant, I wouldn't announce it to the world until we were past the 12 week mark.  I figured we might tell our immediate families and a close friend, but that's it.  I have a friend that is pregnant, and they posted it on facebook the day she had a BFP.  I side-eyed her for that, but then, she has the support of her friends.

However, in reality, would I really be able to keep it a secret that long?  Would I want to keep it a secret that long?

pcrumley

Yeah same, 12 weeks is a long time to wait. . I think once we get the okay from the RE well announce it, there's just always going to be so much doubt bc ttc has taken forever, and the risk for mc is much higher, but I thought this blog was a good one.

malerina

A nice article, but a very personal choice. It was hard for me when I lost my pregnancy, it was even harder when nurses and doctors acknowledged it. I felt waves of grief washing over me weeks after I thought I was done grieving. 

I am practicing Judaism, and the tradition's perspective is that this was not a "viable life form" and so was aborted by the Source, ultimately to the benefit of all, despite how hard it is to endure the loss of a wanted pregnancy. This perspective is what healed me, what helped me to function and go on with normal life, but it might not be for everyone.

From another point of view, it is so common that grieving early losses would make it hard for women to function, go on with work, etc. 

tumbleweed123

Thank you for posting that article.  It was really thoughtful and hit home for me. I think what she says about isolation is extremely important.  This is the first time I've read a mc article that really spends time talking about that fact.  I feel like my mcs isolated me in ways that are still so very painful and hearing another voice speak about those feelings was comforting. 

eta: spelling

h2herdt

"Most moms love to recount their birthing stories. It’s their badge of honor; proof that they are, in fact, heroes who suffer through great pain to bring new life to the world. But not so many women like to come forward with their other war stories, the ones that don’t have happy endings."

This quote from the article hit home and made me cry. We too suffer great pain through this journey and should be able to express that, not only to help ourselves heal but to also help others without feeling feeling like its taboo.

pcrumley

I'm glad all of you each got something out of it, a few weeks ago I sat by my best friend for a week, I live out of town, while she went through her blighted ovum, it helped her to talk it out, cry it out, and tell complete strangers. It's deff a good read

Pintobean39

For me the hardest part about announcing early and then having a MC is the congratulations you get from people that don't know I miscarried. My first miscarriage I was at 14 weeks when I found out. Of course I told everyone as soon as I found out I was preg around 5 weeks. I remember going places after I knew my baby no longer had a HB but before the D&C and people would come up and congratulate me. I'm sure they felt like shit but it was so hard for me to have to tell them.

Unfortunately I feel like I've become an expert on having miscarriages. I have a small group that I tell when I get pregnant so I have support when I lose it but after I miscarry I don't mind telling everyone I had a miscarriage that never knew I was preg.

I remember one of my miscarriages laying in the hospital bed waiting in my D&C and I was having contractions and having the urge to push. I asked the nurse for more pain meds because I didn't want to feel it. I told her it's one thing to push for a baby that you know your going to take home but I was having to push for nothing and it made each contraction that much harder. So every time I hear about birth stories I think about my 2 baby girls that I lost that I had to try to push them out for hours but it's not something I get to talk about or share as a birth story because I don't think people view a miscarriage in the 1st trimester as a real pregnancy yet.

pcrumley

That post @Pintobean39‌ made me cry, of course it's a loss in the first trimester and it's a real pregnancy, I don't think until people exp if do they know..