WWPD? — The Bump
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WWPD?

GiraffealaffGiraffealaff member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
edited March 2014 in Parenting
So my H's family is all spread out. His youngest brother lives with his F in Georgia. 

Yesterday we were informed that H's grandmother (who lives in our town) was admitted to the hospital. She is 86, and it doesn't look all that great, TBH. SO the family calls BIL and lets him know what is going on and BIL makes arraignments to come up here with his F. I invite them to stay in our house in our spare guest room (we live in a mother/daughter and H's parents live in the downstairs apartment). The only request I have is that they do not bring their dogs ( a yorkie and a mastiff mix). I explained that between the baby, the dog we already have, and everyone being in and out of the house, etc that it would be too much and I was uncomfortable with it. He agreed to find arrangements. 

This morning I get a text from him saying that he talked to MIL and that the dogs are staying downstairs. This is a huge problem for me as the baby stays downstairs when being babysat, and with everything happening we spend a lot of time down there. Last time they brought the dogs they pretty much left my MIL (62, heart problem, etc) to care for the dog/walk them/etc. 

I'm very upset tat despite our conversation they still went ahead and decided to being the dogs. I asked if they could please kennel the dogs to which they replied "No, we are already spending 400.00 to come up there". I don't see how that is my problem.

How do I handle this situation without being a cunt? 
I mean I Know they are coming up on short notice, and l know the reason they are coming is not a joyus one but I do Feel that we should not be obligated to house their animals.

“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
— The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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Re: WWPD?

  • Who called to tell you that the dogs were staying downstairs? Your husband or BIL? If it was BIL, the answer is, "Sorry, but that's not a possibility." If it was your husband, then you and him need to get on the same page. 

    Actually, it's really your husband who needs to handle this since it is his brother.
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  • If the downstairs apartment is its own separate space, then it's really up to the people who live there if they want to have guests (or dogs). You can just not go down there, right? Next time, you'll need to get the IL's on board with not taking the dogs before you extend the invite.
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  • MrsT0514 said:
    Ehhh...maybe I'm reading thus wrong, but the way I see this, is that you guys live upstairs and your ILs live in a separate downstairs apartment. Right? That said, you technically only have control over who stays in YOUR place. Not your ILs. If you all lived in one space together, that'd be a different story IMO. so although I agree, its inconsiderate of BIL to bring his dogs and cram them into an apt with your ILs, its not really your say who theu have stay in their apt. Is there any way you can have MIL babysit up at your place so the dogs aren't an issue?
    Yes technically they are separate upstairs/downstairs apartments however we very much live open floor plan - that is to say H and I come and go freely in theirs and they do the same in ours. MIL didn't know that I had already spoken to BIL, had she then she would not have agreed to it. I should add that MIL was very reluctant to agree to it, but BIL basically did what he had to in order to guilt her into it. Ultimately, once I talked to MIL and FIL we all agreed that having them come up with their two dogs was going to be too much on us all. 

    We have a full nursery in both apartments, and as much as I would like MIL to watch him upstairs, it's not really fair to ask of her as getting up and down the stairs can be very tough on her sometimes.
    SarahL77 said:
    Who called to tell you that the dogs were staying downstairs? Your husband or BIL? If it was BIL, the answer is, "Sorry, but that's not a possibility." If it was your husband, then you and him need to get on the same page. 

    Actually, it's really your husband who needs to handle this since it is his brother.
    BIL texted me early this morning. H isn't really involved in this conversation as he is at work right now and is recovering from being maced in the face last night :/

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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  • Team get over it. Doesn't matter you are free to roam their house it is still their house and if she wants to lost her son bring their dog so be it. An unexpected $400 would kill us and if I had to pay extra to board a dog and couldn't come you bet your ass I would be asking again. While no them not having the money isn't your fault/problem have some compassion.

    Is the dog mean? If not I'm not seeing an issue with you mil still watching your child in the same apartment.


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  • edited March 2014

    How long will they be in town for?

    If it's a week or less, I really think maybe you can be a little bit pliable and ask your ILs to watch your LO in your apartment.

    It's not like the BIL is travelling for the fun of it-- YKWIM? 

    I have to say it seems like you are more upset about the inconvience to you than the fact that your H might lose his gma.

    :-/

     

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  • Luhdashuh said:

    I think you need to let it go. I'm assuming it's either your fil or mil's mother who is ill and possibly dying. Don't add stress to that. They agreed to help their son out and let him bring the dogs. You can stay in your apartment away from the dogs. If you are not paying your mil for babysitting, hire someone else for the few days the dogs will be in her apartment.

    So it's ok for them to add stress to everyone else?

    He agreed to find arrangements. He should honor what he said he would do. If he can't afford boarding, then he needs to find a friend to take care of them. He was told no. You don't go around asking everyone in the house until someone says yes after owner has said no (the house is in your name, correct OP?).



    The way I read this and other posts fro
    Op is that it is a duplex type house. So while she said no her mil said yes.

    And sorry just because the house is in her name doesn't mean she dictates who/what I allow in my portion of the home.

    Plus again it isn't a vacation they are coming for. Suck it up unless the dogs are vicious


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  • Thank you all for your input. 
    Team get over it. 
    I get what you are saying. I'm sorry if I seem compassionate, but I've been in this exact situation except reversed. When my step father died, I did not just bring my dogs with me because it was convenient. I went down to Florida by myself and my husband followed several days after when he was able to board the pets. As far as finances, not that is mine or anyones business but BIL is better off than all of us here, and honestly if I am able to board my animals when necessary, he should be able to also.
    Luhdashuh said:
    I think you need to let it go. 
    It is MiL's mom. I guess without knowing our family dynamic it would be hard to understand the situation in its entirety. I am in no way looking to add more stress to MiL at this time. I guess my issue as I said is that MiL doesn't really want the dogs coming up, but she agreed to it only after being guilted. Also, Bil doesn't quite understand the health that MiL and Fil are in. They're not really in the best shape and I don't think adding two young dogs to the mix will decrease their stress level at all, especially when Bil and F are staying in my apartment but the dogs are being left downstairs.
     (the house is in your name, correct OP?).

    It is not, although we do the upkeep and maintenance on the house. The house has been in the family for over 100 years, and is titled to H's parents. So yes, ultimately what they say goes. 
    pobrecita said:
    A. Whose house is it exactly?

    B. Please to tell the mace story.
    Titled to Inlaws. 

    H works Retail Asset Protection. A man was attempting to steal a DVD/Blueray player - H attempted to prevent it, guy then maced H and a member of management. 

    I have to say it seems like you are more upset about the inconvience to you than the fact that your H might lose his gma.

    :-/
    I honestly don't know how long they are staying for.
    I'd rather not ask them to do something that can physically tax them and therefore cause more stress. Also, MiL is a creature of Habit and would be more content downstairs with LO. Plus my dog is upstairs, and I am not going to make MiL responsible for dealing with LO + my og and 2 cats when she shouldn't have to. 

    I did not post this thread to share my feelings on possibly losing a family member with you. This thread is about something different. If I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings about watching my H possibly go through such a terrible personal loss, I would have made such a thread. Don't assume you know my feelings on this based on two paragraphs of text.
    RVASC811 said:
    If it's your house, your rules.if it's not your house, the only thing you can reasonably do is offer to pay to board the dogs.
    I would and almost did, but that is not feasible for us right now. If it were one dog, maybe - but 2 dogs not so much. I am waiting for H to get home to see if he would consider splitting the cost with BiL, but chances are that even if this is presented as an option that BiL will not go for it.
    The way I read this and other posts fro Op is that it is a duplex type house. So while she said no her mil said yes. And sorry just because the house is in her name doesn't mean she dictates who/what I allow in my portion of the home. Plus again it isn't a vacation they are coming for. Suck it up unless the dogs are vicious
    We don't know how the dogs are going to be with a baby - they are fairly young and haven't been around such a young person yet.
    Luhdashuh said:
     Op, Is he aware that you all basically live together? Did he know you meant not to bring them to his parents either?
    Yes to all of this, not to mention I specifically cited stress to his parents as a reason. MiL and FiL aren't in the best of shape either and they each have their own plethora of health issues, BiL doesn't really get the extent of it as he is not the one who is with them through everything.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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    jbatch
  • Well that's impressive!


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    jesuisfatiguee
  • While I see where you are coming from you said that you don't want added stress for your mil yet you aren't finding someone else to watch your child while your mil visits or helps her mother.

    Am I missing something here or am I just last day of period irrationally bitchy like @HilarityEnsued‌


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]piffley
  • You can only control you when the house isn't yours.  You don't have to allow the dogs upstairs and you don't have to allow your baby downstairs.  Explain it to your MIL and make sure she understands that she'll need to come up once in the morning and remain upstairs with your baby for the duration of her babysitting.  If she's unwilling/unable to abide by your wishes, you'll need to find alternate care those days.

    At the end of the day, it's their space to do with what they choose.  What if the situation was reversed and you wanted to let a friend come stay with you with their dog and your MIL told you no?
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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    angelashly[Deleted User]
  • While I see where you are coming from you said that you don't want added stress for your mil yet you aren't finding someone else to watch your child while your mil visits or helps her mother. Am I missing something here or am I just last day of period irrationally bitchy like @HilarityEnsued‌
    Nope, I'm with you. I also don't get why they are in such poor health that they can't watch the kid in her apt but they can care for a small child all day. My kid is way more work than my dogs.
    I get what you are saying about how watching a child could be added stress - I should clarify a few things. MiL is not watching LO all day - only for like 2 - 3 hour stretches at a time. This is her 2nd grandchild, but 1st one that she really gets the grandparent experience with. MiL is diagnosed depressed because of her and FiL's health issues, and being around LO is one of the only things that helps her (from her mouth, not mine).



    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

    image

  • mbenit4 said:

    I have been maced and pepper sprayed and while it is not the thing to do, I had no lasting residuals.

    Ouch!

    How'd that happen?


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  • Luhdashuh said:

    I think you need to let it go. I'm assuming it's either your fil or mil's mother who is ill and possibly dying. Don't add stress to that. They agreed to help their son out and let him bring the dogs. You can stay in your apartment away from the dogs. If you are not paying your mil for babysitting, hire someone else for the few days the dogs will be in her apartment.

    So it's ok for them to add stress to everyone else?

    He agreed to find arrangements. He should honor what he said he would do. If he can't afford boarding, then he needs to find a friend to take care of them. He was told no. You don't go around asking everyone in the house until someone says yes after owner has said no (the house is in your name, correct OP?).

    The way I read this and other posts fro
    Op is that it is a duplex type house. So while she said no her mil said yes.

    And sorry just because the house is in her name doesn't mean she dictates who/what I allow in my portion of the home.

    Plus again it isn't a vacation they are coming for. Suck it up unless the dogs are vicious

    It absolutely does. We most definitely have verbiage in the contract with out tenants that pets are not allowed. I have lived in places where we were allowed our pets, but if others were going to bring their pets in (especially for more than a couple hours) we had to have permission from- wait for it- the property owner/management company.

    Well within their rights as a property owner to make that stipulation. But they aren't, so in this situation it doesn't matter.



    If you have an agreement like that sure. They don't


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  • mbenit4 said:
    I have been maced and pepper sprayed and while it is not the thing to do, I had no lasting residuals.
    Yeah, he is fine today - they said that it *could* turn into conjunctivitus so just watch, but he really seems okay now. I'm just shocked that people do those kind of things.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

    image

  • mbenit4 said:
    I have been maced and pepper sprayed and while it is not the thing to do, I had no lasting residuals.
    Yeah, he is fine today - they said that it *could* turn into conjunctivitus so just watch, but he really seems okay now. I'm just shocked that people do those kind of things.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

    image

  • mbenit4 said:



    I have been maced and pepper sprayed and while it is not the thing to do, I had no lasting residuals.
    Ouch! How'd that happen?
    Fights, bar brawls - you name it. NOLA - need I say more?




    I almost loved this and then felt bad.


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    [Deleted User]jesuisfatiguee
  • mbenit4 said:
    I have been maced and pepper sprayed and while it is not the thing to do, I had no lasting residuals.
    Yeah, he is fine today - they said that it *could* turn into conjunctivitus so just watch, but he really seems okay now. I'm just shocked that people do those kind of things.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

    image

  • I'm sorry, I can't get passed the yorkie mastiff mixed dog. One weighs like, a pound and one weighs like a gajillion pounds. Off to google what this dog would look like......... Oh, and I'm team - it's her house and therefore none of your business and if you don't like it find a different babysitter. It's weird to me that you are ok with her watching your kid but when it comes to her watching a dog, she suddenly is in bad health. I think you're being bratty. Lol
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  • daisy662 said:
    I'm sorry, I can't get passed the yorkie mastiff mixed dog. One weighs like, a pound and one weighs like a gajillion pounds. Off to google what this dog would look like......... Oh, and I'm team - it's her house and therefore none of your business and if you don't like it find a different babysitter. It's weird to me that you are ok with her watching your kid but when it comes to her watching a dog, she suddenly is in bad health. I think you're being bratty. Lol
    Read it again - there are two dogs.

    Also, I don't understand how people keep missing the fact that she doesn't want to have the dogs at the house either. 

    It's happening anyway so, oh well.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

    image

  • GiraffealaffGiraffealaff member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
    edited March 2014




    daisy662 said:

    I'm sorry, I can't get passed the yorkie mastiff mixed dog. One weighs like, a pound and one weighs like a gajillion pounds. Off to google what this dog would look like.........

    Oh, and I'm team - it's her house and therefore none of your business and if you don't like it find a different babysitter. It's weird to me that you are ok with her watching your kid but when it comes to her watching a dog, she suddenly is in bad health. I think you're being bratty. Lol

    Read it again - there are two dogs.

    Also, I don't understand how people keep missing the fact that she doesn't want to have the dogs at the house either. 

    It's happening anyway so, oh well.




    I didn't miss that she doesn't want the dogs there or that there are two of them. I just still don't think it's your place to tell him this. He's her son. It's up to her to tell him if she doesn't want them to come.

    We've had to stay with my parents with our 2 cats and 2 dogs. It wasn't ideal and I know my mom would rather not have a house full of animals. But it's not always easy or feasible to board pets on short notice. And it's expensive. So if its between this or us not being able to come, my mom would rather us be able to come even if it's an inconvenience.

    I absolutely understand this. I guess I'm just more annoyed that this isn't the first time that something like this happened. I'm sure it will be no big deal and I'm probably making it out to be more than what it is but I'm just annoyed at this and other things I suppose. Big girl pants are going on now.

    “Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.”
    — The Doctor, Season 3, Episode 6
    Dating Since: 2/13/05 * Married Since: 9/8/12 

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    [Deleted User]
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