I was served.../Court Date/Bastard

eg214

Okay so...IDK WTF to think right now.

First, we have court 18 JUN. 3 days before ManChild's birthday. Hah. $10 says he was just planning on sending his attorney in his place bc along with the papers I filed for CS, Custody, and Visitation...I got one from HIM for CS determination with an attachment from his dick fuck attorney. SOOOOOOO looks like we filed PPW a week apart, his first.

I'm thinking because he only filed CS PPW, he is true in stating he wants nothing to do with her but pay his CS. Now I'm wondering why I even filed PPW at all. Now he has the opportunity to see her. Please someone encourage me and tell me something good about the fact I filed this PPW. That it saves me from headache down the road when he wants to finally see her?!?! My thoughts are that now he will have to come to Virginia, because it's not a simple "send your attorney in your place" thing and go off VA standards for CS. He may or may not come to VA. I'm hoping to God he doesn't, but IDK if he can send his atty in his place for custody and visitation or if he doesn't show, my wishes are granted period...atty or not.

HE ALSO HAD THE BALLS TO PUT IN THE PPW THAT HE WANTS ME TO PAY HIS ATTY FEES. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Are you kidding me? I have ZERO income, a car that has no A/C and needs fixing before it gets 100 degrees outside and I have a baby in the back, and the IRS up my ass for $1,000 in back taxes. I know courts don't care about the two of the latter but are you fucking kidding me? I offered to work this out with him month 5/6 of my pregnancy...BEFORE I knew he had an atty. The bastard got the atty while we were still together and as soon as he found out I was PG. Probably did it while he was visiting me using my computer and my car. IDK the likelihood of that being awarded or if it can be deducted from the CS he will owe me...aka...I won't get any in back CS because attorneys are THOUSANDS. And if it does get awarded how the fuck am I supposed to pay it with no income? All because he's an idiot, had a knee jerk reaction, and got an attorney when one wasn't necessary. He could just have easily gotten his ass here and filed the PPW for $25 like I did OR worked it out with me to file the PPW and worked it out amongst ourselves. 

I AM SO PISSED OFF.

I emailed my atty bc she is out of the office until Tuesday, but hopefully she can give me some insight on the atty fees BS.

It really is a fuck it friday.

jellybean529

Holy shit.

Things like this make me wish I knew more about legal stuff, but I don't. I think he's probably reaching for the sky here with those attorney fees though. I don't get how he can ask YOU for attorney fees when you have his child? He's filing through FL, right?

eg214

Amazing. What a shit.

No, VA where we are. He had to.

jellybean529

Aww, crap. I do know a little about FL C/S stuff but nothing about VA. 

I am so sorry. What a shithead. I just...have...no words.

eg214

Thanks. Just...incredible.

eg214

I just talked to my mom and she said the atty fees stuff is normal...like if they have a dick attorney they ask for it automatic but I shouldn't worry about it because he won't get it. I hope not. I can't see how he would...unless we got a dick for a judge.

My family wants me to consider asking him to sign his rights over. If he does, I will move to FL to be closer to them, have their help, and they will help me financially...until I can get on my feet. I'm 50/50 on this. First, I have to find out if it's even a possibility according to state law. If another man has to step up and "agree to be the father" then I'm screwed. I'm guessing that law exists here because it's a Commonwealth and much of our laws are still old school. I'm also nervous because that means 18 years of no CS. My family might help me for a year, but then I have 17 more to provide for her. I might regret that decision then. My mom pointed out though that whose to say he will even pay (he has no job and never will to garnish wages) and is it worth $500 a month to deal with him the rest of my life?

IDK. So much to think about and for the first time, I'm really genuinely sad my daughter might grow up without a father. A father who doesn't want her. Maybe it's just now hitting me, like when I got our divorce papers in the mail. Before that it was all happiness and whatever. When I got them, it hit me like a ton of bricks and made me sad for the first time.

eg214

I just talked to my mom and she said the atty fees stuff is normal...like if they have a dick attorney they ask for it automatic but I shouldn't worry about it because he won't get it. I hope not. I can't see how he would...unless we got a dick for a judge.

My family wants me to consider asking him to sign his rights over. If he does, I will move to FL to be closer to them, have their help, and they will help me financially...until I can get on my feet. I'm 50/50 on this. First, I have to find out if it's even a possibility according to state law. If another man has to step up and "agree to be the father" then I'm screwed. I'm guessing that law exists here because it's a Commonwealth and much of our laws are still old school. I'm also nervous because that means 18 years of no CS. My family might help me for a year, but then I have 17 more to provide for her. I might regret that decision then. My mom pointed out though that whose to say he will even pay (he has no job and never will to garnish wages) and is it worth $500 a month to deal with him the rest of my life?

IDK. So much to think about and for the first time, I'm really genuinely sad my daughter might grow up without a father. A father who doesn't want her. Maybe it's just now hitting me, like when I got our divorce papers in the mail. Before that it was all happiness and whatever. When I got them, it hit me like a ton of bricks and made me sad for the first time.

jellybean529

It does look that way -- https://www.livesaymyers.com/termination-parental-rights-virginia/

However, if there is substance abuse there's a chance he could have his rights terminated. 

In some states, termination of parental rights doesn't terminate their child support requirements but I'm not sure if that's the case in VA. 

(Again, I'm no lawyer, just a proficient googler!)

I hate this for you so much

eg214

mrs.tbc said:

It does look that way -- https://www.livesaymyers.com/termination-parental-rights-virginia/

However, if there is substance abuse there's a chance he could have his rights terminated. 

In some states, termination of parental rights doesn't terminate their child support requirements but I'm not sure if that's the case in VA. 

(Again, I'm no lawyer, just a proficient googler!)

I hate this for you so much

Thanks for looking this up. I did some research but couldn't find anything specific to VA. This sucks so bad. I'm stuck. Stuck in a town where I am alone and it's expensive as hell. I'm also more worried about her going to him if something happens to me, yet him never being around her to begin with. Another thing I will have to talk to my atty about since it looks like parental rights are not a possibility right now.

MinnesotaMomma91

Im sorry your going through this :- i dont know what else to say besides im here for you

eg214

Thank you @MinnesotaMomma91.

eg214

beccaga16 said:

There are no guarantees, and I don't think you NEED a SO, but it could happen. My DD is 3.5, she has asked about her father a couple times, I explain that every family looks different and she was cool with that.  She is happy and loved.

Thank you. I like your response to DD. I will have to keep that in mind.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Beccaga16 brings up a great point. She doesnt have to be without the daddy influence just because your ex isnt there.

Try not to think of whats missing. Which i know is hard. But think of what she has instead.

She has a mommy who loves her unconditionally, she has grandparents, she has your friends, and any siblings you may have.

And remember. This will be her normal and thats okay, because thats better then having a bad dad around