Daily Mail

Mrbatesisinnocent

I thought it'd be fun to start a Daily mail post. Write a letter to whomever or whatever you want.





Dear Diet Coke,
Please help me make it through today. I'm sooooo tired.

Please and thanks,
-Bates

P.S. I know someday you will end up killing me. THE CHEMICALS!!!

Brandi81012

Dear job,

Why do I have to have you to pay bills? I much prefer baby time all the time.

-hopefully a soon-to-be SAHM

BootsOrHearts

Dear muffin top,

YOU GO NOW.

Love,
Me

Krilolo

Dear girl who brought her sick baby to a house full of kids,

WHYYYY?

Sincerely annoyed,
Lo

lilypienmessimy

Dear LO,

Please take a bottle. I can't get my hair done or go workout until you can. I look like crap and momma needs some "me" time.

Love,
Your anxious momma

leahraewku

Dear Game of Thrones,

I've missed you and can't wait to see you again next month. I love you more than all the other tv shows.

Xoxo,
Leah

lifesaverz

Dear time change,

I hate how you have made me tired this week. That is all.

-jordan

cboink

Dear Snow and Ice,
I HATE you. I try not to complain because I was away from you for 15 years and made the choice to come back to you, however... You suck and must melt.
Sincerely, Cold fat lady that wants to walk in the sunshine.

Caitlinh27

Dear H's employer,

Please give him a huge raise so we can afford buy or rent a bigger place. At this point it's starting to feel like a film crew for "Hoarders" might show up at my door because we have so much darn baby stuff and such a tiny place there is no room for it! Walking through our living room is like going through an obstacle course.

Thank you,
The little old lady who lived in a shoe.

KFED103

Dear Spanx

I'm sorry I doubted your abilities and thought I was too cool for you. I'm glad I finally realized that I gave no fucks and decided to give you a try...

IFLY

Love, KFED and her lady lumps

MissyC979

Dear Mom,

Thank you for watching the boys today. When I text to ask how they are doing, please tell me more than "fine." I need a baby fix, which includes some descriptions/anecdotes/pictures. However, you are likely taking care of said children, so I am willing to wait until you have time to do this.

Love,
Your grateful daughter who needs a baby fix

stacers33

Dear kids,

Your mom needs sleep. Please cooperate tonight better than you did last night.

Love,

Mom

thebobloblaw

Dear Juan Pablo

Please get out of my head. I might go crazy if I keep thinking "es ok" about everything to myself.

Sincerely
Just another Juan who thinks your a douche
(But es ok)

margaerytyrell

Dear Jimmy Johns,

Lettuce should be ... Oh wait, this isn't the appropriate medium for this complaint...

cherylnicole

Dear body,

I am no longer pregnant. Please stop making me want all the foods.

Also, croissants and chips ahoy are NOT under the "healthy" category. Please remove those from my tasty morsels memory. 

Thanks,

Me

Naty657

Dear self,

Stop being lazy, go to the gym, and sign a membership.

Love,
Your flabby stomach.

Kermode61581

Dear LO,

Where is my happy baby? Did she take off with the nap fairy who hasn't visited us in almost 2 weeks?

Love Mummy and your sister who has been watching altogether too much tv


To my dearest mother,

The horse is dead stop beating it. LO does not need water, she is not thirsty, she doesn't need rice cereal.

Love your daughter who is starting to feel she is in the movie Groundhog Day

PS I know this was discussed yesterday in a different thread but seriously it's not even noon and I have heard it already

Naty657

superspecialsnowflake said:

Naty657 said:

Dear self,

Stop being lazy, go to the gym, and sign a membership.

Love,
Your flabby stomach.

... can't tell if you're kidding....



Kidding yes. I don't really care if my stomachs flabby. I wasn't in fabulous shape before I got pregnant. lol

HareemVaiyani

Dear TB,

Please let me post more than one line from my iphone.

Sincerely,
Haree

HareemVaiyani

Dammit!

Naty657

Nichole10 said:

MamaCBear said:

Dear MIL,

I try not to roll my eyes every time you talk, but it's hard when you ask if we want to meet for lunch at Pandora.

It's Panera, woman.

--MCB

Bahaha! This hit the giggle spot in my belly. My MIL is the same way! She fucks up the name of every store and person we know. She adds "s" to everything too. "Walmarts" "Krogers". It's painful. 

My husband has a good friend who goes by "JB" she calls him "BJ" ALL the time and she's not trying to be funny. 

My grandma does this, she calls Kenny Chesney Kenny chestnut. Every single time. And adds t on to the end once and twice.

blainethetrain

Dear DS,

No more accidents today, pretty please. You're out of clean underwear.

Love,
Mommy

FutureMrsCaesar

Dear Dulles airport, You fucking suck. You routinely eff up dhs flights like its your job. Is it so hard to keep a flight on schedule once in a while? Now instead of having dinner as a family I have to tell my kids that they won't see their dad until tomorrow. And it's been since Monday, and I'm tired, and bedtime with 3 kids is exhausting/frustrating. Sincerely, MrsC

Naty657

MamaCBear said:

megs.swm said:

Dear UPS driver,

If you ring my doorbell one more time or knock or anything while the baby sleeps I might go postal....the two dogs go batshit crazy at the doorbell and you know it....since you deliver packages to our house at least 3 times a week.  Which is why we have a sign on the door saying DO NOT KNOCK OR RING BELL....

I caught you laughing at the sign yesterday as you rang bell.....and yes I was the one who called your supervisor bc that is just mean.  Grow up !

Signed, 

I am watching you mister. 

That's so irritating. does he always ring the doorbell? If he always rings the doorbell instead of knocks, why don't you disable the doorbell so you don't have to deal with him being a tool? hopefully he gets his act together soon.

I took the batteries out of mine cause the four dogs go nuts and I keep the screen door locked cause if it opens and they hear they also go nuts. Dogs are such a pain

leahraewku

@megsswm not to minimize your complaint, because that definitely sucks, but I got a giggle out of "going postal" on the mail guy.

iranwithscissors

Dear Girl on Facebook,

No one gives a shit that you go running every morning, what kind of protien shake you're having today, and that you think you are such a "rockstar mom" as you put it.

Also, you have 1 child who is only 1 month old ... please hold your child for feedings, I feel bad for him when you post pictures of him with a straw-bottle-nipple-thing in his mouth!

P.S. Please don't tell people that the reason you don't have PPD is because "you work out everyday and eat healthy, and if everyone did that, they wouldn't have it either" ... it really makes you look like a complete asshole! FFS

Sincerely,

A mother of 3 who's had PPD before.

(This is the bottle she feeds her son with so she can exercise, make protein shakes and do whatever the hell else she brags about doing on facebook 8-| )

eta: spelling

tyedyeme12

jayne1024 said:

Dear Girl on Facebook,

No one gives a shit that you go running every morning, what kind of protien shake you're having today, and that you think you are such a "rockstar mom" as you put it.

Also, you have 1 child who is only 1 month old ... please hold your child for feedings, I feel bad for him when you post pictures of him with a straw-bottle-nipple-thing in his mouth!

P.S. Please don't tell people that the reason you don't have PPD is because "you work out everyday and eat healthy, and if everyone did that, they wouldn't have it either" ... it really makes you look like a complete asshole! FFS

Sincerely,

A mother of 3 who's had PPD before.

(This is the bottle she feeds her son with so she can exercise, make protein shakes and do whatever the hell else she brags about doing on facebook 8-| )

eta: spelling

Oh my gosh. I wanna slap-a-ho.

tyedyeme12

Hey Jude,

You are so very tired. Please, sleep.

Love,
Your very tired mommy who is developing a coffee addiction

pink flamingo

megsswm said:

Naty657 said:

MamaCBear said:

megs.swm said:

Dear UPS driver,

If you ring my doorbell one more time or knock or anything while the baby sleeps I might go postal....the two dogs go batshit crazy at the doorbell and you know it....since you deliver packages to our house at least 3 times a week.  Which is why we have a sign on the door saying DO NOT KNOCK OR RING BELL....

I caught you laughing at the sign yesterday as you rang bell.....and yes I was the one who called your supervisor bc that is just mean.  Grow up !

Signed, 

I am watching you mister. 

That's so irritating. does he always ring the doorbell? If he always rings the doorbell instead of knocks, why don't you disable the doorbell so you don't have to deal with him being a tool? hopefully he gets his act together soon.

I took the batteries out of mine cause the four dogs go nuts and I keep the screen door locked cause if it opens and they hear they also go nuts. Dogs are such a pain

No he alternates for fun...some days doorbell some days knocks....I did disable bell...but now he knocks.....I seriously want to harm him today...she had just gone down and was 15 min into a nap ( she sucks at naps)....I saw him drive up so I was shhhing dogs and you can't miss sign....i watched out window he seriously read sign , smiled, and banged on door three times and then left.  MURDER was on my mind.  The shittier part is my IL's own the local UPS store and we know this guy personally and even they have reminded him when he delivers to our home...he is just mean spirited.  So yeah I complained officially yesterday.
 UGH

You should just open the door and tell him he's a douch bag! ( I don't know if that's how you spell douch and I don't feel like looking it up)

micino

Dear slow poke in front of me today,

HURRY THE FUCK UP

Sincerely
The bitch behind you with no time.