UO Thursday!

flerlgirl

Make it happen, ladies. 

flerlgirl

Mine is that I think it's BS when people say they don't want to spank their kids or pierce their ears or whatever else because they would "never do that to one of their peers; so why do it to a child?" This isn't meant to be an opinion on spanking or ear piercing, but come on - your children are not your peers. It's ridiculous to think of them as such. Do they deserve respect? Absolutely. Should I work hard to make my child feel loved and give him everything he needs? You bet. But I am not my son's friend. I am his mother. If we become friends one day, great. But I don't treat him like a peer because he is my child. 

LilyGracesMommy

Well, I'm not *the most* budget conscious person, and I readily admit that, but MIL, was peeved that I am getting my hair done today ( highlights & cut) knowing that I will want it done again before the baby and BILs wedding at the end of May. 1. I last got it done before christmas ( so Im wayyy overdue) and 2. If I wait till end of May I will be embarrassed to even go in, it would be so overgrown. 3. It is the one thing I do for myself, and I always feel a million times better after 4. I try to go 4x/year and stretch out my buck 5. I still get a student discount

So my UO is that I should be able to get my hair done without being "flamed" for doing something for myself, pregnant or not.

coffee89

LilyGracesMommy said:

Well, I'm not *the most* budget conscious person, and I readily admit that, but MIL, was peeved that I am getting my hair done today ( highlights & cut) knowing that I will want it done again before the baby and BILs wedding at the end of May. 1. I last got it done before christmas ( so Im wayyy overdue) and 2. If I wait till end of May I will be embarrassed to even go in, it would be so overgrown. 3. It is the one thing I do for myself, and I always feel a million times better after 4. I try to go 4x/year and stretch out my buck 5. I still get a student discount

So my UO is that I should be able to get my hair done without being "flamed" for doing something for myself, pregnant or not.

People try to guilt me for doing things for myself all the time. Apparently because I have a baby coming and we are currently on one income people think I don't need nice looking clothes (aka I should buy whatever second hand or clearance and not care about how I look) or to spend money on something "silly" like getting my eyebrows waxed.

I say go get your hair done and feel beautiful! Unless you have a loan out with your MIL there is no reason she needs to be in you and DH's financial life.

JNerd

@Lilygracesmommy if you have the $$ and it makes you feel good- go for it. If you were getting your hair done instead of putting food on the table- that would be a different story.

I'm currently getting my car detailed because I had vomited while driving and hadn't done the best job wiping it up and don't have the energy to do a real job. If I'm going to put my effort into cleaning anything it will be my home, not my car.
That was more of a FFFC but idgaf.

k2k2tog

My UO, that maybe I'll get flamed for: I don't like it when people launch Kickstarters or fundraising campaigns in order to raise money to adopt a child from a different country. I think adoption is a wonderful thing and I truly admire those who choose to take that journey. But why expect your friends and family to help you pay for it? 

gmc222

I went my whole life not realizing that I should be wiping myself from front to back. When we were in the newborn basics class before DD was born they told us it was imperative for girls to wipe front to back, which we did when changing her diaper, but now that she's potty trained I realized she is wiping back to front like mommy. Is it really that bad? I've never had a yeast infection or UTI, and I seriously can't bend in a way to wipe front to back.

diagonalley

I have no problem with people treating themselves to things.  I love a good pedicure, and I work hard so I deserve to treat myself when I feel like it.

However, I WILL side eye you if you complain about your financial situation semi-regularly and then spend money on wasteful things that really aren't necessities.  (There is a girl I am friends with on Facebook who is always looking for new opportunities to make money, complains about not having enough, etc, but then her DH spends money on the most ridiculous extravagant gifts for her and she brags about going on vacation and out to dinner, among other indulgent things)

PressLove

@Lilygracesmommy- I'm all for looking good.  Unless you borrowed the money from your MIL or she's buying your groceries, tell her to back off.

MY UO is that I still haven't told my supervisor that I'm expecting.  At this point it's very obvious and I'm sure she has noticed.  Legally, I don't know if she can ask me about it.  I'm still working out with DH how much time I would like to take off before putting in a formal request.  Plus, my office head (her supervisor) has already told me that I can have up to six months.  Therefore, my procrastination is more about not wanting to spend three months training someone.  Out of respect, the conversation will be had by the end of the month.

erind228

I think SpongeBob is a terrible show for little kids.

LilyGracesMommy

Thanks everyone for the support; & no I don't owe my MIL any money, nor am I sacrificing food, clothing, or shelter for my family in order to afford it...


Afterthought, I prob should have posted in the ThroatPunch thread instead, I blame pregnancy brain

Pepper6

@Lilygracesmommy  I agree with PP.  Unless you owe your MIL money or constantly complain about not being able to afford your basic necessities, then it's really none of her business if you spend a little bit on yourself now and then (in fact, I think it's important to do something for yourself now and then, even if it's a free activity, it's nice to do something that makes you feel good).  I'd just not mention to her when you are getting your hair done so she doesn't have time to complain about it.

@flerlgirl  I think that's the problem with so many misbehaved kids in the first place, not just with spanking or ear piercing, but the mentality that children are their peers.  One of my H's cousins never says no to her son because she 'doesn't want him to get mad at her' and she 'wants to be the cool mom'.  Um no...your job is to be the PARENT, not the friend.  He's 8 years old and a little asshole because he now believes that he is entitled to act however he want without consequences, because that's exactly how his mom raised him.

PressLove

@BrightEyes112- That was my complaint about having a wedding.  I couldn't believe the number of people begging for wedding money or an extravagant honeymoon.  If people gift you money, that's cool.  However, expectations are another.

BMaidPlanner

lalala8 said:

gmc222 said:

I went my whole life not realizing that I should be wiping myself from front to back. When we were in the newborn basics class before DD was born they told us it was imperative for girls to wipe front to back, which we did when changing her diaper, but now that she's potty trained I realized she is wiping back to front like mommy. Is it really that bad? I've never had a yeast infection or UTI, and I seriously can't bend in a way to wipe front to back.

There was a big conversation one time on TTGP before I got pregnant with DD (so early 2010, I think)? I still remember it.

Not sure what you're doing exactly. but a lot of women said they wiped their asses by reaching between their legs, then wiping from the top of their crack, down to the bottom (stopping at the vagina)- That is definitely a no-no, and I  *think* the main source of the "back to front" discussion. 

If you're just wiping after you pee, I can't imagine it's a big deal to start at your vagina, then wipe up to your urethra. 

Anyway, this is a bizarre conversation, but before I read that thread 3 years ago, I had no idea there were so many ways to take care of your business.

Wait...what? I don't understand either of these statements in bold. You can't bend in a way to switch directions? Your hand is in the exact same place between your legs already, start at the top, wipe down toward anus. I really don't understand.

I also can't even picture how to put my hand/arm in between my legs on the toilet and get to the back and top of my butt crack to then wipe downward. Bathroom yoga. 

I have really never heard of any of this before...

MrsP419

LilyGracesMommy said:

Well, I'm not *the most* budget conscious person, and I readily admit that, but MIL, was peeved that I am getting my hair done today ( highlights & cut) knowing that I will want it done again before the baby and BILs wedding at the end of May. 1. I last got it done before christmas ( so Im wayyy overdue) and 2. If I wait till end of May I will be embarrassed to even go in, it would be so overgrown. 3. It is the one thing I do for myself, and I always feel a million times better after 4. I try to go 4x/year and stretch out my buck 5. I still get a student discount

So my UO is that I should be able to get my hair done without being "flamed" for doing something for myself, pregnant or not.

A woman from my church (who I love dearly; she is well-meaning and sweet, but opinionated) told me point blank I should not be going out to eat after my super long dr appointments because that can't possibly fit into my budget.  I should have a crock pot going, or pack a sandwich.  Let me tell you, after an hour drive, back to back long appointments, and my glucose test, I think I can tell if I can afford some Olive Garden.  And even if I couldn't, it is only mine and my husband's business.  

JNerd

I don't understand people who get all uptight about having toys in the living room (or insert other shared family space here). Your child is a part of the family, are they not allowed to share tr same space as everyone else?
I get wanting to keep things clean and organized, and to keep a few thins away from kids, but to not allow them in otherwise shared spaces makes no sense to me.
This comes from people who refuse to let their 10mon old play in their living room- because the kid has a playroom and isn't allowed to play in other rooms apparently.
My son is a part of the family and it's his house too. We keep him out of certain rooms for safety reasons, but he is totally 'allowed' in the shared family spaces.

BMaidPlanner

@lalala8 I wasn't asking you specifically, I could tell you didn't wipe that way when you said "you heard some women" do it that way. I'm just honestly baffled!

flerlgirl

emilyh107 said:

I completely get people wanting to make money and doing what you got to do but I have started hiding posts on Facebook with people selling ItWorks Wraps, Advocare, etc. It really gets on my nerves when people get SO pushy about it and post about it all the time. I bought Advocare once and I did like it, but it's not a miracle diet.. You have to still work your butt off in the gym and eat healthy. ItWorks Wraps.. Not sure I understand that. I guess what I'm trying to say is STOP posting so much and trying to get us to believe it's some kind of magic weight loss trick. Eta: words are hard.... Really hard

If I get invited to one more event where the person is selling bags, tupperware, make up, etc., I will reach through the computer and smack them. 

EmbracingChange

I wipe using my perenium as a invisible wall. I wipe the front, reach around and wipe the back from front to back. If I peed, I still wipe my butt, just in case there's something there.

gmc222

lalala8 said:

BMaidPlanner said:

lalala8 said:

gmc222 said:

I went my whole life not realizing that I should be wiping myself from front to back. When we were in the newborn basics class before DD was born they told us it was imperative for girls to wipe front to back, which we did when changing her diaper, but now that she's potty trained I realized she is wiping back to front like mommy. Is it really that bad? I've never had a yeast infection or UTI, and I seriously can't bend in a way to wipe front to back.

There was a big conversation one time on TTGP before I got pregnant with DD (so early 2010, I think)? I still remember it.

Not sure what you're doing exactly. but a lot of women said they wiped their asses by reaching between their legs, then wiping from the top of their crack, down to the bottom (stopping at the vagina)- That is definitely a no-no, and I  *think* the main source of the "back to front" discussion. 

If you're just wiping after you pee, I can't imagine it's a big deal to start at your vagina, then wipe up to your urethra. 

Anyway, this is a bizarre conversation, but before I read that thread 3 years ago, I had no idea there were so many ways to take care of your business.

Wait...what? I don't understand either of these statements in bold. You can't bend in a way to switch directions? Your hand is in the exact same place between your legs already, start at the top, wipe down toward anus. I really don't understand.

I also can't even picture how to put my hand/arm in between my legs on the toilet and get to the back and top of my butt crack to then wipe downward. Bathroom yoga. 

I have really never heard of any of this before...

I don't think I wipe that way, so I really don't know what to tell you?   TMI, but I reach around behind my back and wipe from behind, so there's never a point where my arm is in between my legs while wiping my ass...

This is exactly what I've been trying to do (reach around my back and wipe from behind) and it seems so odd that I usually just end up putting my hand between my legs through the front and wiping. I've even resorted to youtube videos on the proper way to wipe, and apparently it's the 'from behind' method.

tbmadeamistake

gmc222 said:

I went my whole life not realizing that I should be wiping myself from front to back. When we were in the newborn basics class before DD was born they told us it was imperative for girls to wipe front to back, which we did when changing her diaper, but now that she's potty trained I realized she is wiping back to front like mommy. Is it really that bad? I've never had a yeast infection or UTI, and I seriously can't bend in a way to wipe front to back.

I wipe pee back to front, and I wipe poop front to back, if that makes any sense.  I have never had a UTI and only two/three yeast infections.  I tried to switch a couple months back during my last yeast infection and oh my god it's so hard to change the habit of a lifetime!  I always wipe C front to back like I'm supposed to, but the way she watches me pee, I assume she'll do the same as your daughter.  I'm not that concerned. 

ElTrain5

I'm seriously hoping this will change with my own child (who will obviously be magnificent), but for right now, I totally find puppies way cuter than babies.  WAY cuter.

ETA: Like, whenever people show me pictures of babies I'm like "OMG!!!!!" but really in my head I'm like "Meh".  But show me a picture of your 12 weeks old pug? I DIE. 

theamandapanda

sempre_staccato said:

My UO, that maybe I'll get flamed for: I don't like it when people launch Kickstarters or fundraising campaigns in order to raise money to adopt a child from a different country. I think adoption is a wonderful thing and I truly admire those who choose to take that journey. But why expect your friends and family to help you pay for it? 

This! I totally agree with you @sempre_staccato. I'm happy to buy a gift for the child any of my friends & family adopt but don't ask me to help pay for the adoption on facebook.

Pepper6

ElTrain5 said:

I'm seriously hoping this will change with my own child (who will obviously be magnificent), but for right now, I totally find puppies way cuter than babies.  WAY cuter.

ETA: Like, whenever people show me pictures of babies I'm like "OMG!!!!!" but really in my head I'm like "Meh".  But show me a picture of your 12 weeks old pug? I DIE. 

Same here.  I'm sure I'll be more enamored with my own daughter because *I* made her and will look a lot closer to see which features she has from H and I, but with other people's babies, they all kind of look the same for a while.  I mean they're cute still, but I don't get the "omg how adorable" feeling like I do with puppies (maybe because they are born a little more..developed/independent/etc?  Plus there are lots of different breeds and get obvious different colorings, etc that won't change much, so they are a little more identifiable than the standard human baby features).

tbmadeamistake

Pepper6 said:

ElTrain5 said:

I'm seriously hoping this will change with my own child (who will obviously be magnificent), but for right now, I totally find puppies way cuter than babies.  WAY cuter.

ETA: Like, whenever people show me pictures of babies I'm like "OMG!!!!!" but really in my head I'm like "Meh".  But show me a picture of your 12 weeks old pug? I DIE. 

Same here.  I'm sure I'll be more enamored with my own daughter because *I* made her and will look a lot closer to see which features she has from H and I, but with other people's babies, they all kind of look the same for a while.  I mean they're cute still, but I don't get the "omg how adorable" feeling like I do with puppies (maybe because they are born a little more..developed/independent/etc?  Plus there are lots of different breeds and get obvious different colorings, etc that won't change much, so they are a little more identifiable than the standard human baby features).

Just remember to be prepared for a red, wrinkly, funny looking little face for the first few days .  I think babies start getting really sweet around 1 month.  Before that they are trying to fit in their own skin, literally! 

JNerd

Rachel5130 said:

My UO is that I think some parents are obsessed with their kids, in a very, very unhealthy way. Never letting them stay the night at friends' houses, sleeping in bed with them every night, getting divorced over it and not blinking an eye. What are they doing for their kids, and for themselves? I want all my children to know they are loved and appreciated, but they are their own person, and it is important for them to find a life outside of me. Just like I will have a life outside of them.

I'm very glad we did marriage prep as this was one thing we talked about then, and have come back to. Yes, kids are important, yes, they take a lot of time and energy. But they will grow up, move away, and live their own life. I plan on being married for a lot longer than the 18years they will be at home, so it is hugely important to focus on the marriage, not just the kids. 

temursgirl

How do you wipe your ass by putting your hand through your legs?  That's way harder than reaching behind you and wiping front to back.

erind228 I associate Spongebob with stoners, so I get that.

@LilyGracesMommy  FIL is always butting into our finances.  DH supports his parents, did support his grandmother until her death last year, and did support his sister until her wedding (which we paid for) about two years ago.  She is 39.  The first time my ILs visited we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment in a very regular middle class neighborhood.  FIL actually told us we should find something more modest.  So DH could send him more money!  My ILs are always traveling, but if we take a vacation or anything FIL makes a scene.

My UO is that we're having three showers and I'm not really looking forward to them.  I know how nice it is that so many people want to do this for us, but I feel it's more of a social burden than a celebration for me.

ETA:  erind228's tag doesn't work?

Read247

@LilyGracesMommy‌ - get your hair done girl! As a mom I feel like I'm forced into this little "mom" box. Everything is about my DS. Some days you need to do something for you and its nice to feel pretty. I may be a mom, but I'm still a woman! If you're not picky about your hair a good way to save money is have a student/apprentice do it. They're under supervision and usually you only have to pay the cost of chemicals and a tip. My UO... I hate when people push their weight loss products on me and they don't look like they've lost weight. I have a girl that constantly spams my newsfeed with her weight loss products but she looks the same size as before she started!

LadyMacaron

sempre_staccato said:

My UO, that maybe I'll get flamed for: I don't like it when people launch Kickstarters or fundraising campaigns in order to raise money to adopt a child from a different country. I think adoption is a wonderful thing and I truly admire those who choose to take that journey. But why expect your friends and family to help you pay for it? 

There are several reasons why someone would do this actually. Adopting a child can cost anywhere from 25 to 50K, and no, they don't take credit cards. Often, the couple adopting has struggled for years with infertility publicly and their family and friends would LOVE to help them have a family. Or it's something they were called to do for their faith, and usually the community wants to help without having to adopt themselves. As someone who is going to adopt, I would absolutely consider doing this if we couldn't afford all the upfront costs of adoption. Not a lot of people have 30k laying around, and it's not easy to save that money in a timely manner sometimes. I would be happier paying to help someone adopt a child than to donate to someone's start up or vanity project. And the beauty of kickstarter? No one is forcing you to donate anything. You don't like it? You don't have to give a penny. But, trust me on this, if you saw your sister/daughter/best friend crying through 3 years of infertility struggles, you may not feel all that bad about helping with a $50 donation. I don't think anyone expects their entire fee to be covered by donations, but anything helps!

On another topic...Puppies are WAY cuter than babies. I have never seen an ugly little puppy. 

I will also be that mom who won't have toys all over their common areas. We all have things that are important to us, and for my husband and I, that's to have our private and adult spaces stay ours. Our child is coming into our lives and will adjust to how we live, not the other way around. He will not be scarred by having his own playroom and learning to be neat. Both of us grew up in a house where we never had clutter or toys anywhere in the common areas, and where our rooms were always orderly after playing and we still felt like we were part of the family! Some of us jut don't think having a kid has to take over your entire personality and way of living. *shrug*

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erind228

@LadyMacaron‌, I wish you all the luck keeping your child's things separate from yours. That sounds like a lot of work. Especially, if you have more than one child.

LadyMacaron

erind228 said:

@LadyMacaron‌, I wish you all the luck keeping your child's things separate from yours. That sounds like a lot of work. Especially, if you have more than one child.

Our parents did it. In Europe this is pretty common, so everyone I know and grew up with had very clean and organized homes too. And I am nanny to 4 kids, so I'm pretty aware of how toys can clutter a house. It's really not that complicated.

erind228

LadyMacaron said:

erind228 said:

@LadyMacaron‌, I wish you all the luck keeping your child's things separate from yours. That sounds like a lot of work. Especially, if you have more than one child.

Our parents did it. In Europe this is pretty common, so everyone I know and grew up with had very clean and organized homes too. And I am nanny to 4 kids, so I'm pretty aware of how toys can clutter a house. It's really not that complicated.

My house doesn't look like a bomb went off, actually I think it looks pretty good considering I have a 3.5 and 2 year old. I also don't have a playroom as I live in a 100+ year old house. I just know, for me, if I tried to keep it completely clutter-free, my kids and I would be picking up toys all day long. I'd rather spend my time playing with them. To each his/her own.

Pepper6

.

shiggybop said:

People are too worried about kids and technology. It's how the world works. I don't agree with technology babysitting children, but ds and I listen to pandora toddler and dance around all day. I also use a 15 minute show to distract him long enough to clip his nails because it seems like a much better idea than sitting on top of him to hold him still enough. Parents in our district are worried that the kids have math homework on the computer....There are 5 public libraries with hundreds of computers if that is the issue, but most wonder how their kids will ever be able to do "real" math. When I'm figuring things out at the grocery store, I use the calculator on my phone, so I guess I don't do "real" math either.

I remember when I was in school asking my teachers why we couldn't just use calculators on our tests and their response was always "well, it isn't practical to carry a calculator with you everywhere, so you need to know how to do it"....

I wonder how they answer this question now....

But yeah, I don't do math in my head anymore either.  I do a lot of accounting at work, so I have a calculator directly to my right, not to mention setting up formulas in my spreadsheets.  When I'm out I always pull out my phone.  Sure, I still can do it, but it would take me forever now because I'm so out of practice.

rainbowdashh

Children do not ask to be born. I don't understand people who choose to have children and then say "they will adapt to my way". You made the decision to have the child, you should be doing the adapting. Maybe I'm the crazy one but I could care less that my living room is scattered with toys.

flerlgirl

lol that a child will adapt to you and not the other way around 

eta a missing word

LadyMacaron

ohyealovely said:

Children do not ask to be born. I don't understand people who choose to have children and then say "they will adapt to my way". You made the decision to have the child, you should be doing the adapting. Maybe I'm the crazy one but I could care less that my living room is scattered with toys.

Of course we all do some adapting, but we are the adults. A little 7lb being should not make you adjust every single thing about how you live. Babies and children adapt to their environments. I'm a really active and fun person, I will play with my kids and we will be making messes outside and doing lots of crafts/cooking (I'm a BIG cook), but there are certain things we aren't going to change about the way we live. We like a clean house for one. I will not be a short order cook, and we will eat all together as a family. I will not run other people's plans by our baby's schedule, etc...I'm not saying to be inflexible in raising children, but parents in the US are WAY more into being slaves to their children than anywhere else in the world. We believe in a more parent directed way of parenting, and so we will try that. I prayed for this child for years, but I don't need to be catering to a child like they run the household.

rainbowdashh

Yes, that's exactly how I feel. I'm a slave to my child. I am no short order cook. We play in the dirt outside and we all eat together. If you think your plans won't change at all based on your kid's schedule, well then... Good luck. Maybe they won't, maybe they will. Being flexible is important and your idea of parenting sounds anything but flexible.

Everyone is the perfect parent until they have children.

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flerlgirl

LadyMacaron said:

ohyealovely said:

Children do not ask to be born. I don't understand people who choose to have children and then say "they will adapt to my way". You made the decision to have the child, you should be doing the adapting. Maybe I'm the crazy one but I could care less that my living room is scattered with toys.

Of course we all do some adapting, but we are the adults. A little 7lb being should not make you adjust every single thing about how you live. Babies and children adapt to their environments. I'm a really active and fun person, I will play with my kids and we will be making messes outside and doing lots of crafts/cooking (I'm a BIG cook), but there are certain things we aren't going to change about the way we live. We like a clean house for one. I will not be a short order cook, and we will eat all together as a family. I will not run other people's plans by our baby's schedule, etc...I'm not saying to be inflexible in raising children, but parents in the US are WAY more into being slaves to their children than anywhere else in the world. We believe in a more parent directed way of parenting, and so we will try that. I prayed for this child for years, but I don't need to be catering to a child like they run the household.

I mean... there is some stuff that just has to go by baby's schedule. There are weeks where toddlers will only eat cheese and chocolate milk. I guess to me this is a pick your battles kind of thing. Can I bring DS out after his bedtime? Sure. Would I do it if I had a choice? Heck no. He needs his sleep. He needs a routine. That is more important to me than my other plans. My kid isn't even mobile yet and if I kept our living room toy-free all the time, I would seriously never stop cleaning. 

LadyMacaron

Well, I never said we will be perfect parents. Listen, there are all kinds of different families out there, and not one is doing things better than any other, they are just different. The way I was raised in Spain is incredibly different to how most people parent here. The way people parent in France is vastly different too. I don't buy into a lot of the American style of parenting, and that's ok for me to choose that for myself. I don't need condescending "talk to me in 18 months sweety" comments, because no one has all the answers and we are all doing what we feel is best for ourselves. I am a really neat person, and that's not likely to change in 18 months. Specially not when I raised my sister, and have been taking care of kids for 7+ years. I'm not really a newbie at having kids around.