Stuff my mother says

kzawisl

After overhearing me telling a friend that, while we would love a 3rd child, DH isn't willing to risk twins again, so no more treatments; we're done having kids.

Mom: well you know, you could always just stop using contraception and see what happens.

(Seriously? You think after spending thousands of dollars on testing and treatments, that we're using contraception? WTF would be the point of that?)

Me: yeah, it's great that that worked for you and dad, but we have two totally different diagnoses.

(She had PCOS, struggled with IF and two losses, adopted my two siblings, and then got pregnant with me...of course).

Mom: I'm not convinced we have different diagnoses.

(SERIOUSLY? You had 40 billion cysts on your ovaries, and a lifwtime of doctors who confirms your Dx. I've never had ONE cyst. What I HAVE done, however, is see THREE doctors who have done test upon test and told me I DO NOT HAVE PCOS).

Sheesh.

Sorry, I had to let that out here so I didn't go postal on her.

TJ1979

Ugh. Hugs.

Ruthie04

I'm so sorry. That's super frustrating. Our moms would be besties! She is the same way, telling me all about my diagnosis (or lack of!). Like she has a medical degree. It doesn't help that my sister used Clomid for the first pregnancy and had two "oops" pregnancies after that. My mom just doesn't get that it's so hard to hear those kind of stories because they make me feel even more defective when I don't get my surprise bfp.

Lots of hugs! It's so frustrating to have our mothers making those kind of comments when we need their support so much.

Robeano

Ugh family.

Can we include MIL's in this? After our three losses MIL keeps going on about how there is a genetic flaw in the family that causes people to lose pregnancies in the third trimester or early death after being born. Okay that's really sad but mine were all early losses and related to PCOS. Not helpful!!

And her telling me she understood what I was going through after my third loss in a row cuz she had one loss, and has three boys now. Soo different, just say you're sorry and give us a hug

mcgeeva

I totally get it. If it were only that easy

trigirl79

Ugh, how frustrating! My family def doesn't get the IF either, mom likes to tell me to just be patient. Yes, OK because TTC for a year on our and watching friend after friend have babies didn't take all my patience. 

ccam

How frustrating! Add my MIL in there, too.  They don't know we are TTC #2, but we were all discussing IF and treatments over lunch (my SIL had her 2 kids through IUI).  My SIL and I were commenting that if it didn't happen with treatments, that we'd be open to adopting.  My MIL chimes in with "why would you give up?  It might suck, but you keep on trying."  Really?!  You have no idea how much it "sucks".  DH must have saw the look on my face and squashed that conversation real quick.

kzawisl

I get that these people think they're being helpful....but wow.

PrettyAccountant

My mom passed away but if she was alive - she would totally get it. She had 13 miscarriages / stillbirths and then had me after adopting two babies. Now my sister in the other hand is fertile mertile who pops our kid after kid after kid and loves to give me advice why I couldn't get pregnant. As if anything she said I should do to myself was going to help DH make sperm. She also flunked out of nursing school so she knows everything medical too by the way.

Mrs.AmyDylan

Ugh. Sorry. My mom is pretty good about minding her business. She had three mc and three kids. However, it took them 5 years to finally bring home a baby (me), then my brothers followed. Hugs!

luvboston

Ugh sucks! My mother popped all 4 of us out and used to say dumb things before I let her have it!

Mnerani

So frustrating. I'm sorry.

Once, my older sis said "I wish I could give some of my fertility to you" (she has a singleton and spontaneous twins- both pregnancies on the first try). That really offended me, though I'm sure she meant well.

PrettyAccountant how horrible for your mom. I can't even IMAGINE how hard it would be to lose that many sweet angels.