F/U on night nursing...eliminating some, but not all, night nursings?

ReeceFamily

Now that I know DD won't get tooth decay (thanks guys), I have a follow-up question.  Again, DD is 13 months and we bedshare.  She goes down around 7:00 p.m. most nights, sleeps until around 12, and then is up/down between 12 and 4 a.m., then back to deep sleep from 4 a.m. to 7 a.m.  She wakes frequently during the 12-4 a.m. slot, and wants to nurse frequently during this period...sometimes up to 8 times!  This is really wearing on me.  I'd like to reduce, but not totally eliminate, the night nursings.  How do you express this to a 13 month old?  How do I let her know "you can nurse every OTHER time you wake up, not every time."  I tried being firm last night and loving/cuddling her back to sleep without nursing, and I gave her water in case she was thirsty.  She was so mad, so sad.  It was awful.  I did get her to sleep again, but she woke up about 30 mins later and wanted to nurse. So I let her.  Sigh.

I do need to re-read the NCSS, but thought in the meanwhile someone might have some tips.

Rrrrrachel

I think it's jay Gordon who has info on night weaning when you bed share? That might help you, even though you don't want to totally night wean. I failed at night weaning.

TiffanyBerry

Every other times doesn't make a lot of sense to them, I think.  (Besides, does that mean she has to wake up twice for every time she wants to nurse?  Ick!)  I tried the "no nursing between these hourse" approach that is the more classic Dr. Jay Gordon approach. (Definitely google it, it's a very helpful read!)  But that wasn't quite right for us either.  I ended up doing "three times a night" for a while as the limit, then twice, then once.  (I didn't night wean until she was 3yrs old - she nursed once a night for well over a year.)

vvvvvfee

this is basically from the jay gordon method  (here's the link, btw), but you could keep reducing the duration of the feedings you want to cut until you cut them out completely. so, first night they're 7 minutes, next night 5 minutes, next night 3 minutes, then 1 minute, then they're cut out and/or she stops waking up for them because it's not worth it. and just don't cut down on the feedings you want to keep.

Emerald27

DS (2.5 so this is a bit different) is being night weaned. I just can't do it anymore...now that I'm pregnant, nursing HURTS SO MUCH at night...just at night. It's the strangest thing. Feels fine during the day, but at night it feels like I'm being stabbed by a burning knife. It's awful...and I want to run from the room screaming. 

So what I've been doing is letting him nurse and counting to 10 in my head, then counting to 10 aloud and saying "that's enough" or "all done" really gently and quietly. I unlatch him, and kind of guide him in rolling over and snuggling his back against me. Sometimes he does just fine with this, and other times he fusses and asks to nurse some more. If he fusses, I repeat (if I can). If I just can't take it, I get DH. 

My thought would be that you could pass her to DH to snuggle back to sleep for the wakings that you don't want to nurse. Or you could slowly make those feedings shorter. Honestly, what helps most is when DS is in his own bed and I'm in mine (his is right next to our bed, though)...he wakes less often to nurse if the boobs aren't right next to him. 

spiffster5

Baby love is 16 months old and feeds constantly from 12-5 I'm not actually sure how often she nurses. But can feel her tugging at my pjs to get hold of the nip, she also requests certain side forcing me to move which ever way for her to sleep. Mostly I'm uncomfortable for a minute or so then unlatch. We tried getting her into her own bed right next to our pushed against each other at 13 months she was not ready and she cried and crawled back between us. We are hoping to try night weaning again soon but only between certain times amazing what 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep can do to a mommy. Good luck if you have any progress I'd love to get an update.

nosoup4u

Uuuuugh I couldn't do it until my kids hit about 18+ months, they just didn't understand why I was cutting them off. But look into Jay Gordon, I used a modified version of his and it worked w my older son.

pixieprincss

This has come to a head with both of  my boys around 14 months and I needed to night-wean to every 4 hours for my sanity. I tell baby that he can nurse again in 4 hours, we increase daddy cuddles, we introduce a lovey (water cup & baby for one boy, water cup & blanket for the other). There is usually several nights of hysteria at first. When baby wakes up, I explain that "milkies" are asleep and will wake up again at X:00. The first 1-2 weeks, baby doesn't really get it. There are lots of tears, so we give lots of snuggles. Remember that crying in the arms of a loving caregiver is different than CIO. It is hard to listen to, but this was the right step for our family to have healthy balance. The worst night, I think DS2 cried with DH for over an hour before DH thought to offer him some food. Apparently it actually was a hunger issue. We thought about revisiting if now was the right time after that, but no night was ever that rough again.

I put a lot of the comfort on DH during this because baby is confused when I snuggle but don't BF. We made sure another bed was set up, so I could leave the room and sleep if it was too tough for baby to be near me. We got the book Nursies When the Sun Shines which depicts bedsharing, toddler nursing, and night-weaning.

Several months into this with DS2, he'll sometimes wake at 3 hours and DH is charge of comforting him, if possible. But, the other night DS2 came toddling in, I told him that it was 1 more hour until milkies and he could go drink his water in bed. (He sleeps on a floor bed until his first night-waking when I am in bed, then he sleeps with us.) He turned around, walked back to his bed and conked out. That was a one time freak thing, but it showed his increased understanding.

URMySunshine77

@ReeceFamily: When I was researching sleep training, I found this blog about applying the Jay Gordon method, and it helped me imagine the process: https://theleakyboob.com/2011/07/changingoursleep/.

I have to disclose that we decided to use Ferber intervals because I felt that it was the right choice for DS and we do not bed share. You probably remember DS's poor sleeping from our BMB. I am not saying that it is the right decision for you. I think that it's awesome you are co-sleeping.

Good luck!

ReeceFamily

@URMySunshine77 - thanks for thinking of me and sending the link!  I'll check it out!

ReeceFamily

@pixieprincess - thanks for sharing your experience.  I laughed at the name of the book, I want to look that up on Amazon!

somewhereincali

We decided to totally nightwean at that point for exactly that reason, I didn't see how to explain to them at that age that they could nurse after x time or only once.