17W and still haven't shared the news... is that weird?

VGee

I'm 41 and am 17w with my 5th baby (<<Yikes! Seriously, 5th!) We had a surprise baby 17 months ago after a LOOOOOONG break. (We have 2 adult sons and a 10 year old daughter). Family and friends were super supportive and they dote on my toddler as do the older kids... but we swore we were done.  Well here we are again! Only me and DH know. Haven't told our older kids, family or my work (ugh!).  I don't think I'm in denial, but I was a little embarrassed that we weren't more responsible (at our age!), and I had so many complications with my 17 mo old.  Thank God, so far, other than GD, genetic testing shows everything is fine with this one and I am excited, but I feel so much anxiety when I think about telling people.  What's up with that. It's not like me to care what people think.  

nikkiuk

I was, and still am horribly embarrassed about getting 'caught out' in my 40's. Schoolgirl error! We have told very very few people and I intend to keep it that way at the moment. I have no idea why, I just don't feel compelled to tell anyone else. So while I can't offer any wise words on this one, I can empathize

springbeduk2

Has you 10 year old not noticed?  Or did you mean she knows but not her older brothers?

Anyway - congratulations that everything is testing out OK with this baby so far!  I hope you'll have fewer complications this time.

I didn't tell much of anyone until at/after 20 weeks.  Mostly after except some people from my usual summer job as it was the application deadline right at my 20 weeks so I had to tell them I wouldn't be returning this summer.  Told regular coworkers around 22 weeks and my students and their parents just 2 weeks ago (at about 30 weeks ... my students had still not really noticed!) The only people we told earlier were immediate family (parents/siblings, not cousins or anything like that), my boss/principal (but she agreed to not tell anyone else - felt I had to tell her in case something went wrong while I was at work and also to explain needing to leave early for doctor's appointments) and two very close friends (who don't live nearby so couldn't blab and also who had kids fairly recently so I wanted to tell them to then also be able to ask for advice/tips/etc.).   My husband still hasn't told his coworkers (and I'm at almost 32 weeks) since it's just not the sort of thing that tends to come up in conversation.  He's at a workshop thing this week and might have now told some people there as it's an event that I've gone to with him in the past so they tend to ask why I'm not there (though it's actually only partly due to the pregnancy).

 This will be our first child and is very planned/wanted (a bit sooner than now would have been ideal but it just didn't work out that way) so that part is different, but we were just very nervous due to having had early losses before and also just tend to be rather private people, especially my husband.

This probably isn't viable with your older kids, but with others you could always spin it as you decided you wanted the 17 month old to have the experience of growing up with a sibling closer in age (or some other reason), so you changed your minds about being "done".  You don't need to admit it was an ooopsie.  Since it isn't exactly 100% an oopsie - you did choose to continue the pregnancy, so in a way that was planning to have this child - just a little while after the deed was done.

  Or, as you said, who cares what other people think?  You could also just tell it flat out and try to have some witty comeback ready for when you get the comments you anticipate.  

Good luck!

edited for dumb typo but there are probably still some remaining.

2redtulips

No, it's not weird. I think it's perfectly fine to tell when you're ready. 

It's kind of nice to have a little secret that just you and your DH share for the moment. 

micmash

Not weird at all. I am 16 weeks (as of yesterday) and we have only told a select few people. We have decided to wait announce and make it public knowledge until we know the sex which is 4 more weeks. I say to each their own. It's our story to share when we are ready. I am personally enjoying the peace and quiet for a few more weeks.

Friskypuppys

It's not weird at all.  I find myself only wanting to tell select people, unlike when I got engaged and I couldn't resist facebooking it.  Now I don't want my news spread around, it feels weird but I figured I'd just go with what I am comfortable with. 

deedee830

27 weeks yesterday and other than family, work and very close friends, we haven't told anyone. I've yet to broadcast on Facebook and am on the fence about doing it at all. I do think it might be weird to post new born pics when the vast majority of people don't even know I'm pregnant. But, I also kind of don't care. 

naturalarmygirl

I am so glad to have found this thread. I am usually incredibly out-loud in my life. Social butterfly. But my husband is not, and he's still getting his head wrapped around the thing of being a dad again. He has a grown son from his previous marriage, we have raised my two from my previous marriage (they're 17 and 14) and this is our only one together. I suspect I'll be a lot more public about it once the baby is born, but for now, I'm okay with the quiet. My kids know, as does my boss, a few friends and my family. I still don't think DH has told his siblings, but he has told his Mom. Sometimes I think we're behaving like ashamed teenagers, but other times I'm enjoying the oddity of being quiet about something this big.

naturalarmygirl

Oh, and I'm 21 weeks along