Re- Intros. Ventish

Helenahhandbasket

I feel like a lot of the intros lately spend a lot of time defending the posters OAD reasons.

It makes me sad that women feel like they have to explain their families.  It sort of reminds me of when someone eats a piece of cake or something in front of a bunch of people and they say something like - "Oh- I can have this because I didn't eat any lunch or breakfast and I am going to Zumba later."  I always want to be like-- "dude-- I don't care.  EAT YOUR DAMN CAKE."

I guess it's more of a commentary that we feel (as women) that we have to expalin every part of our lives to people.

In a related note-- I held my best friend's one week old baby yesterday.  It was nice-- he's adorable, but I felt no twinges.  I actually was suprised at that-- since if my circumstances were different, I would consider another baby. 

JackoftheBox

Helenahhandbasket said:

I feel like a lot of the intros lately spend a lot of time defending the posters OAD reasons.

It makes me sad that women feel like they have to explain their families.  It sort of reminds me of when someone eats a piece of cake or something in front of a bunch of people and they say something like - "Oh- I can have this because I didn't eat andy lunch or breakfast and I am going to Zumba later."  I always want to be like-- "dude-- I don't care.  EAT YOUR DAMN CAKE."

I guess it's more of a commentary that we feel (as women) that we have to expalin every part of our lives to people.

In a related note-- I held my best friend's one week old baby yesterday.  It was nice-- he's adorable, but I felt no twinges.  I actually was suprised at that-- since if my circumstances were different, I would consider another baby. 

I agree. Although a lot of women probably just want us to know they identify with OAD. But simply saying i have a kid and i'm here to play is cool with me

Helenahhandbasket

Yeah-- I know!

And I want to clarify and say that if you want to share your reasons for OAD-- I get it.  But you don't have to.

Helenahhandbasket

@2013mommy-- yes-- me too.  My friends are just starting to have kids now (we are early 30s) but most of them plan for 2 or more.  I

jellybean529

Amen to what you're saying, sistah

I do like reading others reasons for being OAD though. I'm still a little sad about being OAD but hearing others perspectives brings me comfort!

Helenahhandbasket

lildis09 said:

I want cake...

Wait.  Did you already eat breakfast?  Are you going to spin class later? 

Helenahhandbasket

BostonKisses2 said:

2013mommy said:

BUT I totally understand what you're saying. IRL I think we are expected to explain our family planning and to also not get pissy when people question us or tell us they don't think our choices are the right ones. Even with my family I don't feel like I should have to give a list of reasons why we are only having one but they expect an explanation. And there is nothing worse than when you tell someone you are OAD and they roll their eyes and say "Yeah ok, you'll change your mind" as if being OAD were not a valid choice. 

Exactly.  People's expectations of people explaining their personal circumstances pisses me off more and more every day, and it's a big reason why I'm really beginning to hate society in general.  So many people don't bother to check and replace their filters, and they need to learn basic respect for other people's reproductive and parenting choices whether or not they agree with them.  Unless they're going to pony up and do all of the work/provide all of the finances, they can STFU.

Sorry, this is a hot button thing with me, and I tend to get stabby. 

Preach!

It's a sore point for me as well.

meo34

Helenahhandbasket said:

BostonKisses2 said:

2013mommy said:

BUT I totally understand what you're saying. IRL I think we are expected to explain our family planning and to also not get pissy when people question us or tell us they don't think our choices are the right ones. Even with my family I don't feel like I should have to give a list of reasons why we are only having one but they expect an explanation. And there is nothing worse than when you tell someone you are OAD and they roll their eyes and say "Yeah ok, you'll change your mind" as if being OAD were not a valid choice. 

Exactly.  People's expectations of people explaining their personal circumstances pisses me off more and more every day, and it's a big reason why I'm really beginning to hate society in general.  So many people don't bother to check and replace their filters, and they need to learn basic respect for other people's reproductive and parenting choices whether or not they agree with them.  Unless they're going to pony up and do all of the work/provide all of the finances, they can STFU.

Sorry, this is a hot button thing with me, and I tend to get stabby. 

Preach!

It's a sore point for me as well.

Amen!  And this is not just a one and done thing! Like if you don't get married and have 2 kids you open yourself up to nosey questions and having people give their opinion, my no children friends..nosey questions, one and done....nosey questions, friends with 3+.....nosey questions. Two kids, no issue, oh unless they are too close or too far apart in age.  Seriously what is wrong with people!

eyenigh

I think a lot of people get so much pressure around them (family, friends) that they HAVE to have more than one kid and but when they actually feel like they don't want more children, they're desperately seeking somewhat objective affirmations that their feelings are okay and normal. I've never been affected by this, not because people don't mention things but because I just am happily settled in my decision, but I can see how it would really bother some people.

That being said, I don't know why anyone gives a crap how many kids, if any, that anyone has. People have such a hard time being content with the good things that they do have in their lives.

Helenahhandbasket

@meo34-- I think you really hit the nail on the head.  The general feeling like there's a "right way" to do things and that women feel bad about them selves if they decide to take a path less traveled.

 

TittsMcGee

To be honest most of the times it feels like we do have to defend our decision to be OaD.

Its just the way our society is. The norm seems to be 2 kids and families with only 1 kid are usually seen as "incomplete".

With that said since this is the OaD board other members don't have to give us their reasoning for deciding not to have anymore kids. Its up to them if they want to disclose that information.

I do agree that its mostly being nosy as @meo34 mentioned.

legalbeagle1

I totally get what you are saying although as someone on the fence I kinda like it when the staunch OADers describe their situation and I think "hey I feel that way too!" Makes me more comfortable.

DH and I are looking at apts, which brought up our doneness again and he is still definitely set on one. I really just need to slowly accept that this door is closed.

MrsCodeMonkey

Yeah, I agree with what everyone is saying. I don't want to be defined as OAD. I don't like having to go and explain why we're not having another. I should have been pregnant right now and would have been giving birth at the end of the month. But I'm no longer pregnant and I'm finally okay with that. I want to go back to my career and focus on myself for a change. A new baby would have made the move so much harder.

I also hate hate hate when people make general comments about only children (DH and I are only children). It's not like there's a category for children of multiples...well, maybe middle child. Anyhow, I digress. There is so much more to us as people than our reproductive choices.

Helenahhandbasket

MrsCodeMonkey said:

Yeah, I agree with what everyone is saying. I don't want to be defined as OAD. I don't like having to go and explain why we're not having another. I should have been pregnant right now and would have been giving birth at the end of the month. But I'm no longer pregnant and I'm finally okay with that. I want to go back to my career and focus on myself for a change. A new baby would have made the move so much harder. I also hate hate hate when people make general comments about only children (DH and I are only children). It's not like there's a category for children of multiples...well, maybe middle child. Anyhow, I digress. There is so much more to us as people than our reproductive choices.

Hugs to you.  EDDs are tough.

Myaflowers

I agree with what everyone else said, but I did give my reasons for being OAD when I gave my intro! I saw it more as a chance to get some of it off my chest in a place where people can relate. IRL I do often feel like I have to defend myself and get tired of it, though.

law&order

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

Know what I hate?  How I get watched like a hawk if I pick up someone's baby or H is holding one.  Like I'm gonna turn into a puddle and "Awwwww".  I make eye contact with NO ONE when that happens.

My ILs watch me like a hawk to see if I'm drinking alcohol. Because apparently that's the indicator of whether I'm pg or not  We're on the fence and choose not to discuss with our parents yet.