Ex's GF and playing the MOM role

WLJ2

My ex husband, his GF and his mother all think I am being a complete B**** So I ask for your opinions. 

My sons dad has been dating the same girl since the month we separated a year and a half ago. They began living together 3-5 months after they started dating. They live at his parents house together. My sons father has him every Thursday night and every other weekend. So he is around his dads girl friend the entire time he is with his dad. His dad will not take him unless he has first ran it by his gf to make sure she is ok with it. 

Over the last three months his gf has been voicing her opinions to me more frequently about Jason. His dad has told me that if I needed him I needed to talk to his gf. When looking for a day care near where I am currently working he would not discuss options with me but insisted on having an input. He would tell me to give all the information to his gf.

I have told my ex that I do not wish to communicate with his gf when it has to do with our son. She is his gf and that is all. I will talk with him and no one else. They both think I am being childish and playing games. His girl friend has recently told me that and I quote, "I will be a mother to Jase in each and every way you fall short. Which will be many. And I will be damned if Jason is going to be raised by you". Yet, I am expected to get along with her and I am expected to talk to her about my son. I expressed that her opinion meant nothing to me. That unless my ex married her she will be nothing more than a friend to Jason regardless what role his dad allows her to play. 

My current daycare provider may have crossed a line here but she also told my ex's gf that she was nothing to jason. She told my ex and his gf that she would talk to Jason dad but not his gf. 

I may just be ranting here but I am pissed that she thinks its ok to talk to any mother like that about her children. Am I in the wrong for not wanting to hear or value her opinion on the parenting of my child? His gf is 19 years old and frankly immature. We were friends before my ex started dating her, but at this point I am having a hard time trying to stay civil with her. 

20thirteen

Um... In no way whatsoever are you in the wrong. You are the mother and if his father has no balls to inform his girlfriend that she IS NOT and WILL NEVER REPLACE you as mom, than he's a huge puss. How old are you and BD? Is there a big age gap between him and his gf?

Were you two married? Have either of you talked with a lawyer regarding the care for your son (i.e. is the visitation schedule you're currently on through a court order?)

The daycare employee did cross a line speaking to her that way at daycare, unless it had been outside of the facility and off the clock. But, at the same time, it sounds like this little girl has a thick skull and too tiny of a brain to fully comprehend her actions.

20thirteen

Sorry, I didn't finish my thought when I accidentally hit reply, I'm exhausted and my brain is trying to function on 4 hours sleep. And my train of thought escaped me so I hope my answer made sense

MinnesotaMomma91

Alright, where do i start.

First things first. Lawyer. Talk to him. You might be able to use your lawyer to block the gf from a lot. Im sure you can get it in your co that information can only be exchanged between you and xh or be given to you and xh.

I also, some states have laws against the gf/sm trying to impersonate the mother. Talk to your lawyer about this.

Finally, you do not have to talk to the girl friend. Talk to his parents if he wont talk to you. Do you have a custody order? If hes not taking the child on his schedualed time because of her hes in violation of the co and you need to deal with that.

Actually i want to add this. Ignore this chick, your mom. If you are doing your best, your fine. Dont let this little girl intimidate you.

Your mom shes nothing. Shes daddys girl friend. Shes not even step mom. Shell learn.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Roxalot i love you and how blunt you are. Have my creepy internet babies

WLJ2

I am 23 and my ex husband is 27. We were married for two years. He recently finished our divorce and custody has formally been put in writing by the court.

WLJ2

Thank you ladies. I don't want to be rude to them but at the same time I feel like I'm getting absolutely no where trying to be reasonable person.

tig594

Yeah. Screw her. You are in no way wrong. You should talk to a/your lawyer about it. Not sure about your state but my custody agreement basically states neither parent can poison or jeopardize the relationship with the child against the other parent in any way and my DD is not even a year old yet. I would also refuse to communicate with the biotch and would only communicate with your kids dad. If he refuses he's probably violating his custody order and you can use that to your advantage. Can i talk to her, though? I'd looove to tell her a thing or two. I am mobile bumping and it looks like this is going to post all crazy. Sorry in advance!

MinnesotaMomma91

23 to 23 year old? Yeah fuck her shes a child. Im in the sm roll to my bfs son. Im not his mother. Im not his mommy. Im 'wren' which is cause thats how he says lauren.

My job is to play with him, and to be the comforter when hes with bf. And thats cause my bf is not good at that.

Anyways. I dont talk to bd and wont talk to bd about ds care. Thats whar my sons sm is for. But my bd is useless.

jesuisfatiguee

Nope nope nope. You have a child with your XH, not with his GF. They can fuck right off expecting you to use her as a messenger. That is such a bad idea on their part, I can't even. I can't believe she spoke to you that way, either. I would seriously be blind with rage if I were in your situation right now.

20thirteen

He's 27 and dating a 19 year old?  That kind of says a lot about him.  I read a study in a psych class about age gaps and one or two suggested that men who date women 10yrs+ younger than them do it to be with someone on the same maturity level.  While this guy is not 10 years older than his gf, it's very clear that he lacks maturity and part of that is being able to put his foot down and tell this cunt that she is not your son's mother.  Like everyone is saying, talk to your lawyer. Try to get him to say all the crap like "you need to schedule with my gf about LO visiting us" in writing to show your lawyer that he is not following the court order.  If you must talk to this bitch, tell her that the only communication will be through e-mail (set up a special account just for her e-mails) or text message.  That way, again, everything is in writing and then you can prove she is trying to poison your relationship with your LO.

Welcome to the board

jellybean529

Everyone pretty much covered the bases above, but I just wanted to say you're not wrong. She sounds like a jealous, immature brat. 

jesuisfatiguee

I missed the part saying his GF is 19... Oy. That is a really huge year for a woman's development mentally. Major changes in POV, personality, etc, and can make one act a little crazy.

FX that if he stays with this woman, she'll outgrow the evil bitchiness to at least some small degree. I still stand by the statement that you share a child with your XH, and thus he should be the one communicating with you about this child. End of story.

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20thirteen

In professional courtesy, if she said something along the lines of "you are nothing to Jason", then I change my answer and agree with beccaga. Is this girl picking up Jason from DC? Is she *allowed* to (did you give written permission to DC that she is allowed to?) or is she with your ex when picking him up? Or, did your ex give the written permission?