self-soothing

fitmom82

DD will be 4 in 2 weeks.  90% of the time she is such a sweet girl, she listens well, she's respectful, cooperative, a real great kid.  However, when she looses it, she doesn't know how to get over it.  She's very cranky in the morning sometimes and still gets jealous of her almost 2 year old brother.  DH is very stuck in routine and Doesn't let DD stay up later ever, so usually once a weekend if something is on I let her sleep in our bed with me so we can watch a movie.  This morning she was sleeping and DS woke up, I brought him in to get some socks as she woke up.  As soon as I sat down she starts flipping out screaming and crying and throwing herself on me so I can't cuddle with DS also.  Tonight she didn't want to go to sleep because she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow.  She keeps crying about it so rather than try to read her a book like DH usually does, I just laid down with her.  She calms down and falls asleep without a book.  Last week she wanted an oreo when I picked her up from school.  I didn't have one so she screamed for the 5 min drive home.  When I got home and DH saw how upset she was he got her a cookie, I said she shouldn't have had a cookie at that point.

She is told no plenty and is perfectly fine with it.  We can shop at any store walk out with nothing, she expects that.  For some reason once she does get into a tantrum, maybe once or twice a week, there is no getting over it.  After she screams for a while I can hold her and just let her calm down.  She can't seem to get there on her own and it seems to be getting worse.  Anyone else experience this?  Any suggestions?

XCrissCrossX

Have you tried time outs? Not the kind that reeks of punishment. Just time away from everything so she can chill out. Sometimes when my son is melting down, I'll carry him into his room, put him on his bed, and walk away. When he's calmed down, he'll come back out.
You could also make the time out place somewhere special. Maybe one of those little tents-- explain to her that you want it to be her calm down place and have her help you pick out a special blanket / pillow to put in there, some special stuffed animals maybe.
Then when she's inconsolable, nicely suggest that she go to her calm down place. If she's too overwhelmed to hear you or respond, lead her there.

groovygrl

My DD is 4 1/2 and does the same thing sometimes. I have come to realize sometimes she just needs a hug & some attention. I work f/t so for me it might have to do with that, but when she really freaks out irrationally she is often tired or really just in need of a little extra attention...so if I can tell she's just tired or sad or something, I'll just lay with her or sit on the floor & hold her or whatever. I often start out with doing quiet time in her room to try and calm down like PP said, and then see how it goes from there, and a lot depends on what the 'offense' is--- crying b/c she wants a cookie (not a big deal) vs talking fresh (big deal) or whatever. We save the true sitting time outs for things like hitting her brother or using really mean language or whatnot and she knows those things are wrong & will actually walk right to time out in those cases.