Yeah sorry I use the word gender because sometimes the word sex gets you banned on forums, I was just trying to not get banned on my first 2 days on the site... lol
Mine are both boys and everyone wants to know if this is a girl. I want to wait. My mom is throwing the shower, not me and my other kids are soon to be 5 and 6 so we havent had a baby shower since 2009. I'm not forcing anyone to go to the shower and not forcing anyone to buy anything if they do go, I also am not the one hosting or throwing the shower. It's also always just family as I don't really have many friends left that don't party, drink and do drugs all day (im 25, and not into that crap). I don't see an issue with my mom throwing a shower when it's been over 5 years since my last one, and she wants to do it so why ruin her fun?
Are you referring to the anatomy scan? I assume since you are Team Green then it's not an out-of-pocket scan at a boutique? I'm sure you are aware that the purpose is for much more than finding out the sex?
Sex does not equal gender, FYI.
Now that that's out of the way: let them be mad. Just let them know that the scan is to check for a healthy baby. You want it to be a surprise so you are requesting to not even have them tell you.
Honest to God, it's fun to find out. However, I've noticed an alarming trend online & off of this obsession on what junk a baby has. Not saying it's not important or fun. Yay & all, but IMHO, that's not the highlight of pregnancy. :-??
Man everyone here is so technical >< I put "gender scan" in quotes because that's what everyone acts like it is. My family calls it that because that's what matters to them. I get that's not what it really is and I obviously am not using it that way. I just want a healthy baby after a miscarriage in september. I know that it's meant to check on baby and finding out the SEX is a bonus people like knowing from that scan.
As I mentioned before i said gender because i didnt want to get banned for foul language because I wasnt sure if I was allowed to say sex. I am really sorry that this is offending and upsetting so many people. I thought people would get mad that I was saying sex... and I wish this wasn't the focus of people's responses considering that has nothing to do with my post at all.
Also the definition of gender does state: the term may refer to biological sex (i.e. the state of being male, female or intersex). So if someone can't get past me saying gender it's actually common ground. Especially when talking to kids. If my 6 year old runs around at school talking about finding out the sex of his sibling he would be expelled.
I didn't find out with my first and it was fun. People can choose to be grumpy but it's really up to you. My sister in law was pushing me for a gender reveal party this time and I'm not going to because for me I don't want people knowing before me.
I don't think you are bad to wait. It's fun I promise.
Man everyone here is so technical >< I put "gender scan" in quotes because that's what everyone acts like it is. My family calls it that because that's what matters to them. I get that's not what it really is and I obviously am not using it that way. I just want a healthy baby after a miscarriage in september. I know that it's meant to check on baby and finding out the SEX is a bonus people like knowing from that scan.
As I mentioned before i said gender because i didnt want to get banned for foul language because I wasnt sure if I was allowed to say sex. I am really sorry that this is offending and upsetting so many people. I thought people would get mad that I was saying sex... and I wish this wasn't the focus of people's responses considering that has nothing to do with my post at all.
Also the definition of gender does state: the term may refer to biological sex (i.e. the state of being male, female or intersex). So if someone can't get past me saying gender it's actually common ground. Especially when talking to kids. If my 6 year old runs around at school talking about finding out the sex of his sibling he would be expelled.
This is a pregnancy website for adults. You can say sex. I wasn't flaming you. I was genuinely trying to determine which scan you are going towards. It does change my response.
Boutique Scan =/= anatomy scan. So it does matter.
Being aware of the difference between sex & gender is courtesy to those that may be LGBTQ on the boards. You wouldn't make racial slurs or sexists comments, right? It's about understanding that it's not technical, but personal for those whose gender differs from their physical sex. That's all.
Despite all of this, I did answer your question appropriately. I just thought I'd offer some helpful additional information. I'm sorry you feel that it is unnecessary.
OK nothing makes me more mad than someone calling an anatomy scan a "gender" scan. Unlike most people who will probably come in here and give you a hard time about the proper use of gender vs. Sex. I could careless. It's way more disturbing that you think an incredibly important ultrasound to make sure your baby is developing properly is all about finding out the "gender"/sex. Get your priorities straight!!!!!!
Also, something I find really rude is people who hold back on revealing the sex to manipulate what their guests bring them for the baby shower. People will bring what they want. They are going to spend THEIR money on what THEY want to get you. It could be diapers, clothes, books or something better. You're going to have a rude awakening when you get cutesy "gender neutral" stuff rather than sex specific...
As for family and friends, it's your kid. If you want it to be a surprise then so be it. It's not their choice just because they can't be patient and wait. Just keep in mind, no one thinks waiting for YOU to find out your child's sex is as exciting as you do.
As aforementioned I do not call it a gender scan. My family does. They ask "When is that gender scan?" I already said I have had a miscarriage and it's just checking on baby's well-being for me.
And I wasnt holding off on telling people because I want to manipulate gifts, it's just a bonus that I dont get a bunch of tutus and pink things I never wanted. I also am not throwing myself a baby shower. I don't even want one to be honest. And as far as having stuff for my third - my kids are in kindergarten I didn't hold on to anything at all from them, who wants a crib sitting in their garage for years? Never planned on a third, but we changed our minds, shit happens.
I came to this site hoping to find a nice community but I am finding that to simply not be true. I think this will be my last visit here. I dont know why so many are unwelcoming. I was just wondering why so many people are upset that I don't want to know whether my baby has a penis or a vagina. Wasnt looking into getting into a debate about my baby shower or calling baby's sex a gender. I can call it a gender all I want, that's what people call it when they don't want to use terms like sex. I don't say sex around my kids and I dont generally say it on a public forum. I think most of you are just out to start fights on the internet because you have nothing better to do with your lives or time. You seem to avoid the fact that people are asking questions not looking for grammatical corrections or assumptions about a person's personality.
As aforementioned I do not call it a gender scan. My family does. They ask "When is that gender scan?" I already said I have had a miscarriage and it's just checking on baby's well-being for me.
And I wasnt holding off on telling people because I want to manipulate gifts, it's just a bonus that I dont get a bunch of tutus and pink things I never wanted. I also am not throwing myself a baby shower. I don't even want one to be honest. And as far as having stuff for my third - my kids are in kindergarten I didn't hold on to anything at all from them, who wants a crib sitting in their garage for years? Never planned on a third, but we changed our minds, shit happens.
I came to this site hoping to find a nice community but I am finding that to simply not be true. I think this will be my last visit here. I dont know why so many are unwelcoming. I was just wondering why so many people are upset that I don't want to know whether my baby has a penis or a vagina. Wasnt looking into getting into a debate about my baby shower or calling baby's sex a gender. I can call it a gender all I want, that's what people call it when they don't want to use terms like sex. I don't say sex around my kids and I dont generally say it on a public forum. I think most of you are just out to start fights on the internet because you have nothing better to do with your lives or time. You seem to avoid the fact that people are asking questions not looking for grammatical corrections or assumptions about a person's personality.
Sex is the proper term. No one was even a tad snarky. Bye.
I say hold your ground! I am in a similiar situation but this is my first baby. People will get annoyed and upset if you don't find out...SO what! If you don't want to know than thats okay because its your choice. People will get over it. What is most important is having a healthy baby, mama, and delivery! Besides there are so few surprises in life so it is a blessing to find out the sex after the baby is born. Focus on the nusery most important things. Your friends and family will have their chance to give you lots of cute baby things after the baby is born. Its your baby, your life, and your decision. Period.
Only an immature teenager would feel uncomfortable using the word "sex". That's what you had to do to get pregnant wasn't it? And if not I'm sure you're not a virgin... If you're mature enough to do that then you're mature enough to use the term sex.
I personally do not care if you say gender or sex. It doesn't offend me like it does other. I just don't think of it as complex as others do (still doesn't mean it's OK to purposely use the wrong term). I was more concerned that you were calling the anatomy scan a gender scan. I try not to be such a bitch but you will bring the bitch out of me when you treat something so important like that as fun.
I get it, they called it a gender scan and you were just referring to it as they do. But you should have clarified that in your first post before I, or anyone else jumped down your throat.
I'm not a fan of arguing and I said what I needed.
I already said my mother wants to throw a baby shower not me. I guess I should tell the entire family that gifts are off-limits since I should already have everything I need and it's not their responsibility to buy anything for my baby. I should probably just not even tell the rest of the family I'm pregnant since it's my third and it doesn't matter as much as my first as well. Forget celebrating the new life about to enter the family it's all about first time mom's getting their little princess party, I forgot. I should just pretend this little life is nothing to be happy about or celebrate. let's ignore the fact that I have all my necessities and could care less about shower gifts.
I should also not be looking at this scan as reassurance that my baby is okay after miscarrying at 12 weeks in September, because that's not what the scan is for at all. Fuck if I even know what the scan is for then if not to make sure I'm not going to lose this baby as well. Because fuck, I've had 6 scans already but this is the one that's apparently only about making sure my baby has a penis or vagina. You're all full of shit.
I already said my mother wants to throw a baby shower not me. I guess I should tell the entire family that gifts are off-limits since I should already have everything I need and it's not their responsibility to buy anything for my baby. I should probably just not even tell the rest of the family I'm pregnant since it's my third and it doesn't matter as much as my first as well. Forget celebrating the new life about to enter the family it's all about first time mom's getting their little princess party, I forgot. I should just pretend this little life is nothing to be happy about or celebrate. let's ignore the fact that I have all my necessities and could care less about shower gifts.
I should also not be looking at this scan as reassurance that my baby is okay after miscarrying at 12 weeks in September, because that's not what the scan is for at all. Fuck if I even know what the scan is for then if not to make sure I'm not going to lose this baby as well. Because fuck, I've had 6 scans already but this is the one that's apparently only about making sure my baby has a penis or vagina. You're all full of shit.
Dude, holy freak out.
Seriously, get some maturity & awareness. Right now you sound like a 13 year old girl throwing a bitch-fit.
I am laughing my ass off. "Oh no, I don't dear say s-e-x and offend the sweet virgin ears of you gentle readers and my children but, FUCK SHIT YA'LL!" LOL!
Sorry... butting in from 1st tri. It was slow and I was looking for something interesting to read and I shared with my BMB. Apparently my mobile picked up and posted in both threads I had opened.
PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks. Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.
PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120 3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14 D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix
Emily post says,"It's fine to have a baby shower for a second or third baby. Immediate family and very close friends are usually included, but otherwise choose guests who did not attend a shower for a previous child."
First, no QFP? Though, from what I gather, seems like the OP didn't seem worthy of it.
Second, and this is an honest question. I understand the rationale behind a baby shower being something to welcome a woman into motherhood, therefore it's considered a one and done thing, but isn't the name a little misleading then? Doesn't a baby shower imply that it's for the baby, not the mother (I'm trying to relate it to a bridal shower, where it's pretty obvious you're celebrating the woman becoming a bride, though let me know if I'm off base there, too)? Maybe the confusion lies in the naming, though I'm not sure what else you'd call it or how anyone would begin to change the name of a cultural thing like that that's been around for awhile.
And of course I could ask this on the BSB, but this seemed like as good a place as any to ask.
Having a group of friends/family who want to host a baby shower for you= A-OK. In fact - call it a "sprinkle" and most people here will back down.
Personally, I have no issue with a baby shower for any pregnancy. I really don't see why people get all worked up about it. As a guest at a shower for baby #2+ I'd probably do a smaller gift than I would for baby #1. For me the party is more about togetherness and celebrating than presents anyway.
As for the sex of your LO, ask others to join you in the surprise. Have the person hosting the party put out that if anyone would like to gift you something you'd appreciate gift cards or gender neutral baby items - but you are really just excited to spend time with them before LO arrives because with a newborn you'll be MIA for a while. At the party have them all make their guess on sex along with the birthday, time, and weight of LO.
****Siggy Warning****
IVF Cycle #1 - 4/06/2013 -3dt of 2 embryos, nothing to freeze - BFN
IVF Cycle #2 - 7/18/2013- 3dt of 3 embryos.Froze one 3AA 6 Day Blast! - BFN
IVF Cycle #3 - 9/15/2013 - 3dt of 4 embryos, nothing to freeze - BFP!!!
10/7 - +HPT - Beta #1 10/10 - 72, Beta#2 10/14 - 518,Harmony 21 @ 12 weeks shows one very healthy little BOY!!
Yeah, no. A shower is to welcome a woman to motherhood. It's not about the baby specifically. It should also not be used to get the mom every. single. thing. she will need for the baby. Sorry you gave away your gear, but that's no one's fault and no reason to have another shower. You chose to have a baby - that doesn't give you the right to choose that your friends will now supply for this baby in some way.&The purpose of a shower is sooo distorted and manipulated these days. It's really awful. You are a mom. You've been welcomed into motherhood. The end.
Omg this theory that showers are ONLY for FTM is SUCH CRAP. I'm sorry. I don't want to start a debate & haven't even read most of the responses but geeze Louise. If her family or your family or my family (friends included) want to throw her, you or me a shower WTH does it really matter to anyone?!? Different strokes for different folks people, I mean really. Let it go.
Yea well, times they are a changing sister. Apparently OP & her villagers wanna celebrate this baby with a shower too. If its her 1st or her 5th shower, what's it to ya (not you specifically, just anyone who is questioning it).
Just curious, for those of you who are anti baby showers for non-FTMs, what about bridal showers for someone getting married for a second (or third, etc) time?
I don't have a strong opinion on either one either way, just curious.
Yea well, times they are a changing sister. Apparently OP & her villagers wanna celebrate this baby with a shower too. If its her 1st or her 5th shower, what's it to ya (not you specifically, just anyone who is questioning it).
So times and traditions change, but not the part where people must give you gifts, right? Got it.
Just curious, for those of you who are anti baby showers for non-FTMs, what about bridal showers for someone getting married for a second (or third, etc) time?
I don't have a strong opinion on either one either way, just curious.
I think that would make even less sense than a baby shower for a second (or more) baby. At least with "surprise" pregnancies, there's the chance you threw out all of your baby items. If you threw out your blender and towels because you got divorced, that's just stupid.
So times and traditions change, but not the part where people must give you gifts, right? Got it.
No "must" about it. Don't wanna go? Don't wanna give a gift? Don't wanna celebrate baby # 2+ with another pack of diapers & wipes? Then don't. If baby #1 is the only one you wanna buy a tube of butt paste for then cool, decline the shower invite. But apparently at least a few other people do wanna, so why is that a big deal to you? If they called it a get together, or a lunch date or something would it be better accepted?
Oh I disagree. At least in my experience. You know how many belly rubs you get? & the "don't say baby" game. Gifts are baby items. Most cakes are baby themed. I've yet to go to a shower that was geared more towards mom really. Maybe we do showers differently 'round here. I don't know. But I think every new baby is worth celebrating, & is a new step into motherhood. & if people want to celebrate with a shower & gifts, why is that such a big deal around here? Ok if the MTB is stomping her foot & demanding a star studded event for every birth then yea, I get it. But otherwise, let it go. ESP considering its her family & friends planning it, not her.
Oh I disagree. At least in my experience. You know how many belly rubs you get? & the "don't say baby" game. Gifts are baby items. Most cakes are baby themed. I've yet to go to a shower that was geared more towards mom really. Maybe we do showers differently 'round here. I don't know. But I think every new baby is worth celebrating, & is a new step into motherhood. & if people want to celebrate with a shower & gifts, why is that such a big deal around here? Ok if the MTB is stomping her foot & demanding a star studded event for every birth then yea, I get it. But otherwise, let it go. ESP considering its her family & friends planning it, not her.
Stepping off my soapbox now!
Maybe you should hit the bong dude. You sound way worked up.
I find the responses you received completely shocking... I too came on this site to get helpful ideas, guidance and support but I'm noticing quickly it's like being back in high school. People are highly critical, mean and deflating. Nit picking on little things and attacking a simple question. The funny thing is I bet most people who comment rudely are just sitting at home with nothing to do, as opposed to Harvard graduates who are qualified to correct you. I wouldn't write back to them or give any further information, do what's best for you and your family. Don't let anyone ruin your day or your experience, there's enough of that already. Enjoy your shower, enjoy your kids looking forward to a new sibling and enjoy feeling the reassurance the scan gives you. Nothing else matters All the best to you!
I find the responses you received completely shocking... I too came on this site to get helpful ideas, guidance and support but I'm noticing quickly it's like being back in high school. People are highly critical, mean and deflating. Nit picking on little things and attacking a simple question. The funny thing is I bet most people who comment rudely are just sitting at home with nothing to do, as opposed to Harvard graduates who are qualified to correct you. I wouldn't write back to them or give any further information, do what's best for you and your family. Don't let anyone ruin your day or your experience, there's enough of that already. Enjoy your shower, enjoy your kids looking forward to a new sibling and enjoy feeling the reassurance the scan gives you. Nothing else matters All the best to you!
Omg why do the butthurts always spew the same tired shit?
Haha name calling? Excellent, big girl words always work to make a point
Oh good, your attempting to be condescending. :-q
So not only is your post appear to be pearl-clutchy & naive, but you want to talk down to me? That's charming.
News flash: grousing about the tone of any message board doesn't win you support or friends. It makes you look like a whiner that can't cope. People that whine are fairly intolerable, IMHO.
People disagree. Stop acting like your delicate sensibilities are forever defiled by our responses.
Hahaha... well I can see you've won a lot of people over with your comments and opinions. I assure you I can handle people disagreeing, what I don't find constructive is negativity and bitterness. I'm not whining at all, merely supporting someone who was under attack. If you want to be aggressive and rude that's on you of course... my comment was directed at the women who originally posted and you chose to take the time out of your day to attack me (as well as a lot of other people from some of the posts I've been reading).
I'm so glad you have the maturity level and dignity to create conflict in a place that should be productive. I'm sure a lot of people appreciate your input...
Elubear
member
Re: Delete
Sex does not equal gender, FYI.
Now that that's out of the way: let them be mad. Just let them know that the scan is to check for a healthy baby. You want it to be a surprise so you are requesting to not even have them tell you.
Honest to God, it's fun to find out. However, I've noticed an alarming trend online & off of this obsession on what junk a baby has. Not saying it's not important or fun. Yay & all, but IMHO, that's not the highlight of pregnancy. :-??
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Boutique Scan =/= anatomy scan. So it does matter.
Being aware of the difference between sex & gender is courtesy to those that may be LGBTQ on the boards. You wouldn't make racial slurs or sexists comments, right? It's about understanding that it's not technical, but personal for those whose gender differs from their physical sex. That's all.
Despite all of this, I did answer your question appropriately. I just thought I'd offer some helpful additional information. I'm sorry you feel that it is unnecessary.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Also, something I find really rude is people who hold back on revealing the sex to manipulate what their guests bring them for the baby shower. People will bring what they want. They are going to spend THEIR money on what THEY want to get you. It could be diapers, clothes, books or something better. You're going to have a rude awakening when you get cutesy "gender neutral" stuff rather than sex specific...
As for family and friends, it's your kid. If you want it to be a surprise then so be it. It's not their choice just because they can't be patient and wait. Just keep in mind, no one thinks waiting for YOU to find out your child's sex is as exciting as you do.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I personally do not care if you say gender or sex. It doesn't offend me like it does other. I just don't think of it as complex as others do (still doesn't mean it's OK to purposely use the wrong term). I was more concerned that you were calling the anatomy scan a gender scan. I try not to be such a bitch but you will bring the bitch out of me when you treat something so important like that as fun.
I get it, they called it a gender scan and you were just referring to it as they do. But you should have clarified that in your first post before I, or anyone else jumped down your throat.
I'm not a fan of arguing and I said what I needed.
Seriously, get some maturity & awareness. Right now you sound like a 13 year old girl throwing a bitch-fit.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.
PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix
All Welcome
Chart
Yeah, no. A shower is to welcome a woman to motherhood. It's not about the baby specifically. It should also not be used to get the mom every. single. thing. she will need for the baby. Sorry you gave away your gear, but that's no one's fault and no reason to have another shower. You chose to have a baby - that doesn't give you the right to choose that your friends will now supply for this baby in some way.&The purpose of a shower is sooo distorted and manipulated these days. It's really awful. You are a mom. You've been welcomed into motherhood. The end.
Omg this theory that showers are ONLY for FTM is SUCH CRAP. I'm sorry. I don't want to start a debate & haven't even read most of the responses but geeze Louise. If her family or your family or my family (friends included) want to throw her, you or me a shower WTH does it really matter to anyone?!? Different strokes for different folks people, I mean really. Let it go.
I don't have a strong opinion on either one either way, just curious.
So times and traditions change, but not the part where people must give you gifts, right? Got it.
No "must" about it. Don't wanna go? Don't wanna give a gift? Don't wanna celebrate baby # 2+ with another pack of diapers & wipes? Then don't. If baby #1 is the only one you wanna buy a tube of butt paste for then cool, decline the shower invite. But apparently at least a few other people do wanna, so why is that a big deal to you? If they called it a get together, or a lunch date or something would it be better accepted?
Stepping off my soapbox now!
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Maybe you should hit the bong dude. You sound way worked up.
350 responses later & still had to bring it up huh? LET.IT.GO. Sheesh.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I just think you need to chill.
Well I SAID "stepping off my soapbox now", so I was chilling. What can I say. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, I gots the hormones flowing LOL
ETA: OH, & that was me chilling with no bongs involved, just FYI lol
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
So not only is your post appear to be pearl-clutchy & naive, but you want to talk down to me? That's charming.
News flash: grousing about the tone of any message board doesn't win you support or friends. It makes you look like a whiner that can't cope. People that whine are fairly intolerable, IMHO.
People disagree. Stop acting like your delicate sensibilities are forever defiled by our responses.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Hahaha... well I can see you've won a lot of people over with your comments and opinions. I assure you I can handle people disagreeing, what I don't find constructive is negativity and bitterness. I'm not whining at all, merely supporting someone who was under attack. If you want to be aggressive and rude that's on you of course... my comment was directed at the women who originally posted and you chose to take the time out of your day to attack me (as well as a lot of other people from some of the posts I've been reading).
I'm so glad you have the maturity level and dignity to create conflict in a place that should be productive. I'm sure a lot of people appreciate your input...