MIL Problems

LucilleAustero

Meh, I think you are making this out to be a bigger deal than it is. There will be a lot of things that you and your husband discuss before that change. That is kind of how parenting goes.

It is once or twice a year. I would suck it up. You might even be grateful that she is there.

silverspring81@hotmail.com

I disagree with most of the posts, my issue is that your husband agreed, and his letting his Mom drive a wedge in a decision you both made. I guarantee her visit will be a nonstop critque of your new mother skills and you will end up telling them both to stay in a hotel. You need to be polite during the times when you are around her, but this is pretty extreme. My actual mother is a pain in the ass and because my husband feels so strongly, she stays in a hotel, and actually understands. This is a power struggle that really has nothing to do with you, your husband better figure out if he is geting on the family bus with you or having his mom pick him up at the station. I feel awful that he would go back on the decision, not much of an indicator of a unified front. Maybe he should revisit who he married.

chevronseven

I think it depends on the family situation and your comfort. Personally, I would let her stay if it were me and my MIL, but that doesn't mean you should have to. If you think having her in the house will be an added stress or make you right on space, then you have every right to insist that you not have overnight guests. It sounds like you made that decision in regards to ANY potential visitors, not just her, so I don't think you're doing it based on your personal feelings towards her. Your house, your baby. And I'd be livid if I came to an agreement like that with my husband and he backed down after talking to her. I agree with @PrimRoseMama that this is a very important opportunity to make it known that you are not a doormat and your decisions will not be swayed by an adult throwing a tantrum.

I am on the other end of a similar situation. My mom lives with her cousin in New Jersey. It's usually not a problem when I go to visit her, but for Thanksgiving I am flying my brother, his wife, and their two daughters out in addition to DH, myself, and our baby who will be almost 5 months old, so we can all have a holiday together. I assumed we'd all just cram ourselves onto couches and air mattresses all over the house since I would be totally game for that if we were hosting a bunch of people, but the cousin isn't ok with that. The thought of having that many people in his house stressed him out, so he is letting my little family stay there since we can fit in one room and my brother is going to have to get a hotel. A bit more extreme than your situation since there is such a large group involved, but the principle is the same. Some people just have different comfort levels when it comes to hosting overnight guests and I definitely don't think either my mom's cousin or you are being selfish by asserting your rules for your home.

Monotonetwo

That's a horrid place to be. Family drama. Your husband is in the middle and that sucks

meggyski

I think there are plenty of reasons to want space from your MIL when you're adjusting to a new baby, especially if the air mattress is in your living room as opposed to an extra bedroom, and you're having to share a bathroom, especially if you're dealing with bleeding, incontinence, etc. Especially since your husband agreed that a hotel would be the best plan, and since you even offered to pay, I think you need to stick with your guns on this one. Sounds like MIL is being really stuboorn. However, as PPs have suggested, be gentle with your husband- maybe remind him why you need some private space/ time to deal with the changes your body will be going through, and suggest that she may be more comfortable with some private space of her own, too.

MIL stayed with us a few years ago to "help out" when my husband had abdominal surgery (relatively major surgery, he was in the hospital for four days). It was HELL. She was an awful house guest, completely unhelpful and messy (left dishes and kleenex around the house, did not offer to help with anything), and she constantly complained about things like the light in the basement, the lack of curtains in the living room, the towels, etc. Anyhow, she was completely unhelpful, and a complete pain in the butt, so when she comes to visit now she stays in a hotel. Honestly, I think she's more comfortable there anyhow (especially considering we're under construction with our remodel so we don't have any space for her). I assume she'll also stay in a hotel when she comes to visit after the baby is born, although we haven't discussed it yet.

MrsWenis

I won't even go through the rest of the replies to you (because frankly, some of them are really annoying), but I completely understand. I do not get along with my own MIL, because she is inconsiderate, thoughtless, emotionally dependent... the list goes on and on. She is not welcome to stay in our home, baby or no.

My sister just gave birth 4 weeks ago to her first child. Her mother and stepfather flew over to Germany to be with her (sister is a medic at Ramstein) just after the birth. My sister is going nuts. She is desperately missing the one-on-one alone time with her son and husband that they want/feel they need. Her mother is constantly interfering and going against my sister's wishes. And remember, this is her own mother, not a mother-in-law. My sister is regretting having her stay with them so early after the birth.

If you and your husband both decided that no guests (MIL is not being singled out) would be staying overnight at your place anymore, then that should be what happens. It was your mutual decision for your little family, and others are welcome to agree with it, or think you selfish. Personally, I think there is a lot of pressure on you as the new mother, to be taking care of yourself, your LO, and any family members who will be around. Make your priorities and stick with what you think is best for you, your husband, and your child. I'd say a new grandchild is worth shelling out money for a hotel room.

Everyone else can calm down and live their own lives... Just my two cents and I am leaving now.