Convincing DH it's time for #2

usarmywifetso

I have MAJOR baby fever and would LOVE to start trying for #2 but DH keeps coming up with excuses why we should wait. When we have discussed kids before, we both agreed we wanted 2 children and we wanted them to be about 2-3 years apart. Well, DS is 18mo so now is the perfect time. I think a part of DH wants #2 but a part of him is holding back and I don't know how to get him to let go of that part and just follow the part that says "let's do it." How did you get your DH to give the go ahead to try for #2?

usarmywifetso

It's not "my" schedule, it's the schedule we both discussed and decided on. He's nervous about it which is why he always just gives random excuses like DS will be jealous or my pregnancy will be crappy or whatever. I just don't know how to get him past his nerves, which is why I asked for advice.

ashiscute

I understand what you're saying but you have to be a bit more understanding.  I don't blame him for being nervous.  Having two kids is much harder than having one and that is intimidating.  What sound like excuses to you could be genuine reasons to him why he's not ready.  

I would love to try for number 3 soon but DH is not really on board.  And when he tells me why I feel like he's giving excuses but he's not.  He's giving his reasons which are just as valid as mine even if they aren't the same.  

You two should sit down and talk it out.  Ask when he would like to try and why versus convincing him that you are right.   

usarmywifetso

I guess I didn't think that what I see as excuses, he sees as genuine concerns. They just seem so silly to me that they sound like excuses. DH is the stereotypical kind of guy and doesn't really like to talk about his feelings so sometimes it's hard to get to the root of things. I'll try to come at it from a different perspective and hopefully the conversation will be more successful. Thank you!

ashiscute

usarmywifetso said:

I guess I didn't think that what I see as excuses, he sees as genuine concerns. They just seem so silly to me that they sound like excuses. DH is the stereotypical kind of guy and doesn't really like to talk about his feelings so sometimes it's hard to get to the root of things. I'll try to come at it from a different perspective and hopefully the conversation will be more successful. Thank you!

I get that.  Sometimes my DH will say he's not sure about having a third because we couldn't get a booth at a restaurant and I think really?  I mean, how insignificant.  But the fact that he's giving me excuses like that means he's not there yet.  It sucks but it is what it is.  

Helenahhandbasket

usarmywifetso said:

It's not "my" schedule, it's the schedule we both discussed and decided on. He's nervous about it which is why he always just gives random excuses like DS will be jealous or my pregnancy will be crappy or whatever. I just don't know how to get him past his nerves, which is why I asked for advice.

Ok, but maybe he's changed his mind?

We (H and I) always talked about 2 or 3.  We are now pretty sure we are one and done (for several reasons.)

usarmywifetso

Thank you everyone for your input. You have all made good points. My original post was probably not really worded very well. After looking back, I realized it sounds like I'm trying to push something on DH that he doesn't want and that's not my intention. I simply want to help him get over his nervousness about having another baby.
It is certainly possible that he has changed his mind though the last time I asked him if he still wanted another child, he said he did and he even said he still wanted our children to be 2-3 years apart, which is why it seemed odd that he kept giving reasons to wait. But you have all helped me see it from a different perspective and I thank you for that.
I will sit down with him this weekend (we have plans for company tonight so it's probably not a good conversation to have with a bunch of other people here) and hopefully get to the root of his concerns and try to work through them.
This is why I love this site. Outside, unbiased input can really help give new perspective. Thank you all again.

MNgirl326

When LO was 2  I was ready, DH wasn't.  He had lots of excuses/reasons why he wasn't ready.  I pushed and pushed and he resisted.  It caused issues in our marriage.

Finally, we decided that we would shelve the idea for awhile.  Both of us.  We wouldn't discuss it for X number of months and then when those months were over we would discuss it again.

It helped.  I got some hobbies and put the idea out of my head for awhile.    WHen those months were up we then discussed it and decided we were ready to TTC #2.   Unfortunately we have struggled a little more this time around then last time, so hopefully we will get a BFP soon but I can say I have really enjoyed this time with just LO.  I know that if we had rushed into things sooner, I wouldn't have enjoyed all the time we have gotten with just LO.  Things happen for a reason.