Anyone else not have play dates (1st grader)?

Amores0121

Hi Ladies, I've never posted on this board before but have lurked a bit.   A little about me..I am a working mom-have my FT job that I work around 35 hrs a week, work from home around 2-5 hours a week for DH's business, have two students I private tutor and teach 3 preschool Spanish classes a week. I also go to school. Needless to say, I am very busy.  I have a DD, who is 6.5 and one on the way.

My question is regarding play dates/ friends if you have a child who is around my DD's age...do your children have many play dates with other school children? Since my daughter has been at this school, it is her second year, she has never had a play date with a friend.  Mainly outside of school she plays with family or my friends children.  We live in an apartment so no friends at home to play with.  Last year, she had many invitiations to bday parties outside of school--I took her to two of them.  I noticed that the majority of the other mothers were not friendly to me.  There is one that I connected with, my daughter went to her party and she came to my daughter's in the summer, but no play dates. Last year she had a few best friends in her class that she would always talk about, had their phone numbers and would ask me to call the parents.  I tried this a few times and they would not answer their phone or call me back! Two of her friends did come to her party in the summer.

My little sister is 8 and she constantly has friends over.  Now, my stepmom is a SAHM who is always up at the school, so I am sure this makes a difference.   However, DD hasn't received any bday invites this year...they are required to invite the whole class so this could be a reason she doesn't receive any-parents don't want to deal with that.  My DD is also a bit shy, but tends to be stubborn and bossy.  I talked to her teacher about her friends and she said she doesn't have any "best friends" in the class, but does have friends and she isn't concerned about her not having friends.

 

Anyone else not have play dates yet? Am I failing at this part or do you think this is normal?

bumpuser511563

I would think that parents choose not to have birthday parties because they can be expensive with venues, cost per child, cake, candy bags, food, pinata, etc.?

I know that would be my case. I bring enough cupcakes for the entire class, they eat it at school and call it a day.

Amores0121

Sailor Saturn said:

I would think that parents choose not to have birthday parties because they can be expensive with venues, cost per child, cake, candy bags, food, pinata, etc.?

I know that would be my case. I bring enough cupcakes for the entire class, they eat it at school and call it a day.

No, I totally get this. But my main question was regarding the play dates? Is it normal that my DD does not have play dates at this age? Do you think this is more common for WMs than SAHMS?

 

bumpuser511563

Maybe the parents are too busy. K3am made a good suggestion.

jf198400

Take what I say with a grain of salt b/c my kids are still in daycare. I would be a bit concerned. I find it surprising that she hasn't been invited to any parties this year. We've been invited to 4 or 5 parties of daycare friends (age 3-4). I wouldn't expect to have play dates during the week since you work FT, but what does your DD do on the weekends? You said there are no neighborhood kids to play with and she doesn't have a sibling close in age. Who does she play with? Does she go to any activities- ballet, soccer, swim? I think kids that age do need friends to play with. It's not like they get much playtime in school. I'm not sure what the solution is but I do think you have to try to make more effort. You said there was one mom you connected with, I would start there. Reach out to her for a play date. Maybe try hosting a group play date with several school friends- invite the moms to stay for coffee so you can get to know them. If they don't respond by phone, maybe you can send them a note at school.

Amores0121

Take what I say with a grain of salt b/c my kids are still in daycare. I would be a bit concerned. I find it surprising that she hasn't been invited to any parties this year. We've been invited to 4 or 5 parties of daycare friends (age 3-4). I wouldn't expect to have play dates during the week since you work FT, but what does your DD do on the weekends? You said there are no neighborhood kids to play with and she doesn't have a sibling close in age. Who does she play with? Does she go to any activities- ballet, soccer, swim? I think kids that age do need friends to play with. It's not like they get much playtime in school. I'm not sure what the solution is but I do think you have to try to make more effort. You said there was one mom you connected with, I would start there. Reach out to her for a play date. Maybe try hosting a group play date with several school friends- invite the moms to stay for coffee so you can get to know them. If they don't respond by phone, maybe you can send them a note at school.

She goes to Spanish class once a week and also has tumbling once a week, so she is engaged with other children outside of school in these activities. She will be starting baseball next month and that is usually 1 to 2 times a week.  On the weekends, I try to spend time with her and we do activities as a family. Or she will play with my little sister (who is 8).  Last weekend we went rollerskating with a friend who also has a DD that is 6.

 

Amores0121

b0710 said:

DS1 is also in 1st grade. He slept over at a friend's house for the first time 2 weeks ago.  We have taken a friend with us to an event one time.  We are fortunate that there are lots of kids his age in our neighborhood, so he often (when it's not disgustingly cold and/or snowy and icy out) plays with them at their houses, or outside.  Sometimes random neighborhood kids play at our house too.  With the exception of the 2 events I mentioned earlier, and a few b-day parties that he has attended, we haven't had any formal play dates.  He is just now getting to the point where he has even mentioned them.  I think they might increase in the future, but between the sports that he plays, school, my work, etc. there isn't a ton of time.  I have an added complication as well in that DS1 is only with us every other weekend.

If your daughter mentions wanting to do play-dates, then I would try to set them up.  You could also ask her if it's something that she's interested in.  If not, I wouldn't stress about it.

Edited - sorry, you have a daughter

We will be moving this summer to a house so I am hoping to find a neighborhood with a lot of children, so DD will also have that option of going outside and playing with neighbors.  I think I will do as you suggested, and ask her if there is anyone she would like to play with from school and take it from there.

Amores0121

K3am said:

I had tons of play dates as a kid growing up and my mom was a WM. That being said, things weren't nearly as formal when I was growing up. My mom wasn't paying for aftercare, it was offered for free at the school, so some days, I would just go to a friend's house and play there. 

Maybe you should ask DD if there's anyone she wants to invite over to play for a few hours. It might take some effort on your part to get her out of her shell. I don't think play dates will just magically happen without some effort on all sides.

Thank you, I think this is good advice. There is one girl that she particularly talks about at her after school care,so that may be a good place to start.

jf198400

Based on your updates it does sound like she's involved with other kids. I'm sure it will be a big help if you can move to a neighborhood with more kids. I would definitely make the effort to try to schedule something with the kids she talks about.

emberlee3

I wouldn't say you are failing, but I think it's a good idea to make more effort.   The activities that you mentioned your daughter participates in are very structured.  Young children need a lot of unstructured play time with peers.

djm31012

My nieces are 6 years old (in kindergarten, just turned 6) and both have a fair amount of play dates/birthday parties. I know its harder at a working mom because you cant host alot during the week but i think its going to take you putting in the effort a bit.  start with the one girl she talks about, call the mom and see if you can set something up.

HopeAlive3

I think play dates are great! They're an awesome opportunity for your kids to develop good friendships.