PAL Check In

Mrs Nice

Welcome to PAL Checkin! This CheckIn is for everyone who is parenting after a loss. If you have an older child or a rainbow baby or both you are welcome to share here.

I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy!

Where are you in your PAL journey?

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

QOTW: What have you done or do you plan to do on you Angels Angelversary? Do you include your Sunshine children or Rainbow Babies?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Noethola

Where are you in your PAL journey? Almost 3 weeks in...crazy.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Just telling people he is not a replacement, nor has our journey with grief just stopped. We continue to walk that journey.

QOTW: What have you done or do you plan to do on you Angels Angelversary? Do you include your Sunshine children or Rainbow Babies? We set off sky lanterns last year, and plan on making that a family tradition.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Honestly, how I wish we could just be alone as a family. I know people want to celebrate with us, including family...who also lost a family member  when Elsie died. But I just want it to be the three of us all the time... I feel like a grinch for being that way.

jbranden12

Where are you in your PAL journey? Anna is 14/11 months, Patricia would be two at the end of the month. 

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? It's actually been a tough week. Anna was officially diagnosed with spastic hemiplegic cerebral palsy on Tuesday. I am still processing it. I know the diagnosis doesn't change who she is or what she will do, but it's definitely not what I wanted for my rainbow. Sometimes I really can't believe how far off the plan my life has gone. 

QOTW: What have you done or do you plan to do on you Angels Angelversary? Do you include your Sunshine children or Rainbow Babies? Last year we were in the NICU with Anna. We read her Patricia's book and took her photo in Patricia's blanket. We will probably do something similar this year. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Today is my last day of work before Spring Break and last night Anna woke up in the middle of the night vomiting. I don't know if it's something one of us ate, her shunt malfunctioning, teething, or just a bug. It's like, which of her specialists do I call? I really, really, want to enjoy a week off together so I hope whatever it is is simple and over quickly. We booked a cabin for next weekend and I just want to make some happy memories. 

Mrs Nice

@Noethola, I can completely relate to wanting to be alone with your rainbow. I felt the exact same way with Zachary for awhile after he was born. Right from the start, we didn't call ANYONE to even say I was in labor and no one even knew he was born till 3hrs later. Then, we were in the hospital for almost a week and I got mad at my parents for coming to visit a few times. After we got home, I still didn't want to see anyone or go out and do anything. I was so emotional, stressed, and exhausted. I seriously think that I was crazy from the hormones for a long time. My DH was was starting to think there was something wrong with me and wanted me to go back to the doctors. It was a good 2-3 MONTHS before I started to feel better. At the time I didn't realize just how bad it had got, but looking back I can see just how crazy I was. I was in survival mode and did what I felt was best for my baby and I. And there is NOTHING wrong with that!!! After everything we have been through, we deserve to be cut a break. If you need your space, take it. Don't worry what other people may think. You will get through this and you will share your beautiful baby when you are ready. (((BIG HUGS))) PM me if you want to chat.

Mrs Nice

@jbrandon12 ((((BIG HUGS)))) I wish I could offer more. I have been sending T&Ps for you and Anna.

OSUWifey09

@Noethola You're not a grinch for wanting it to be just you guys. My parents could only be here for a couple of days after Mia was born, and I was so glad. I wanted it to be just us for the first couple of weeks so we could enjoy the feeling of being a family - the feeling we didn't get when we lost Devon. I totally get it.

@jbraden12 I wish I could send something more than just Internet hugs, too. I really hope you guys get to enjoy that cabin.

OSUWifey09

Where are you in your PAL journey? Mia will be two months old on Sunday. Wow.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? I'm doing pretty good right now. I made it through my overly sad period after the 18-month mark, thank goodness. I'm just facing the normal parenting stuff: sleep deprivation, worry over going back to work [i go back a week from monday], trying to enjoy all of my time with Mia and her big brother.

QOTW: What have you done or do you plan to do on you Angels Angelversary? Do you include your Sunshine children or Rainbow Babies? We did cupcakes and a balloon release for Devon's angelversary last year. We plan to do that every year, no matter where we are. My parents and sister also plan to do the same thing. I think this year may be harder because we'll have our rainbow when we remember Devon...I'm so grateful for Mia but know she wouldn't be here if Devon had lived. Sigh.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I go back and forth between being OK and not being OK. I'm having way more up moments than down moments lately, but I think about Devon a lot now. I felt guilty when Mia was born because I kinda pushed his memory aside to focus on her; now that we're settled into a family routine, though, Devon is back on my mind all the time. I worry that people think that Mia is a replacement and not an addition since I don't talk about Devon much anymore...but that's not the case. I go back to work soon and am really not looking forward to it, but I know we'll adjust.

Noethola

@Mrs Nice and @OSUwifey09 Its good to know Im not alone. It is amazing sometimes how much you feel like what you are experiencing is unique, and then others gather around you and let you know you are not crazy afterall. :-) All the best as you go back to work next week OSUwifey!

@jbranden12 I am so very sorry. I am sure it is good in a way to get the diagnosis if that can help you care for her, but that wouldn't make it easier to process. I hope you trip to the cabin gives you a weekend of beautiful memories. 

lrichmond86

Where are you in your PAL journey? Aubrey is 8 months old. It's been 2 years and 3 months since we lost baby Gary and almost 2 weeks since we lost baby Riley. What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? I'm struggling with the idea that I'm quite certain that Riley's pregnancy will be my last pregnancy. I posted about it yesterday. We had our rainbow baby between pregnancies and I can't handle parenting her and the stress of another pregnancy after two losses. I'm having difficulty accepting the idea that she may be my only living biological child. Also, I had some medical restrictions after my procedure and I haven't physically been able to care for her the way that I want to. It's hard to rely on other people to do simple things that you have always done for your child yourself. It's put me in a major funk. QOTW: What have you done or do you plan to do on you Angels Angelversary? Do you include your Sunshine children or Rainbow Babies? We have celebrated baby Gary's birthday both years. Because it falls close to the holidays we bring a small Christmas tree to the cemetery and decorate it for him. We included Aubrey in this this year, but she slept through it in the car. Next year when she's bigger I plan to bring her to the butterfly conservatory to celebrate his birthday. Ever since we lost him, I think of him whenever I see a butterfly. I expect that we'll do something for Riley's Angelversary as well, but I'm not sure what. I know that each year I'd like to make a donation to the National Down Syndrome Society in his name. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? So much. I wouldn't know where to start.