Faith Friday

schulme2

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5

Do you find the end of the day or the start of a new one to be a more difficult time of day for you?

Do you think you've had a sense of joy return yet?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

Prayer: Lord, I believe Your promises. May my actions be a reflection of my beliefs. Amen.

Noethola

***ticker***

When we first lost Elsie, the mornings were awful. I had to wake up and be reminded my life was not a dream. I had to face the reality of her being gone each day. But I find more joy in the start of a day now.

bunnybun4

nighttime is when my mind starts to race and I think about everything that happened with Bunny and everything we are going through now.

i have definitely had a sense of joy return to me...I never thought i would be able to feel this way again but I do.  I definitely have hard days but I have more good days than bad now.

I am just really needing to let go and let God work in our lives.  I can't control anything.  I am also trying to focus on the thing we should be thankful for and not just all of the bad that has happened.

diamante1181

Do you find the end of the day or the start of a new one to be a more difficult time of day for you? 

It varies. Most of the time the morning is easier. My mind tends to race at night, or I'll wake up in the middle of the night with those racing thoughts.

Do you think you've had a sense of joy return yet? Any new struggles/revelations this week? 

Honestly, I was in a really dark place recently. Withdrawn, far from God. It felt so unlike me, I was actually frightened by it. Something unexplained woke up in me, telling me to pray, ask forgiveness, seek God. Since I have followed this "advice", I have been feeling much better. I still get down (and just suspended FB because of it) when I see random photos of children or bellies etc, because I feel like no one remembers my sparkly babies. It makes me grieve even more, but I know they are with God, for in whose arms better than the Lord's?  

stefuge

@diamante1181 - have you heard the phrase "and to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus". I read that a few months ago and really loved the image it gave. ((Hugs)). Glad to see you back.

ikrystal

Do you find the end of the day or the start of a new one to be a more difficult time of day for you? The end of the day is always the worst for me.  I can usually keep myself busy during the day.  But my husband is a firefighter, and the nights he is gone are horrendous.  I can't sleep.  I stay up almost all night thinking about my boys and how they died (literally how - I am back in that hospital bed, giving birth to them, watching them and holding them while they die).  Even when he is home, he tends to fall asleep hours before I do and I lay awake, thinking of how I couldn't save my boys. 

Do you think you've had a sense of joy return yet? Yes and no.  I find myself laughing and enjoying myself, but then I feel guilty for finding joy and then its back to square one.  Even when times are happy, my babies are still gone.  There is nothing that can fix that. 

Any new struggles/revelations this week? I struggle with when to start an FET cycle... I got the green light to start in April but I have a heavy heart.  Plus, physically, I have doubts that I am ready even if three doctors gave me the OK. I want God to tell me what to do.. but I'm afraid to ask him for anything since every night I was pregnant I asked him to take care of my twins ... and we all see how that went. I know I sound bitter... but that's because I am. 

jonahsma

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5

Do you find the end of the day or the start of a new one to be a more difficult time of day for you?
For me it is the end of the day...specifically on Mon and tues
It was on a Monday I found out she was gone
It was on a Tuesday I had the d&e
Even if I'm not thinking about the day my body reminds me and my night ends with crying in the shower and sleeping with a heavy heart.

Do you think you've had a sense of joy return yet?
There is Joy in my life, it is slowly coming back.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I find myself trying to pretend that none of this has happened to me.it was all a dream. Then I snap into reality and I feel like I am going to fall apart.I feel like I am hanging by a string..
Prayer: Lord, I believe Your promises. May my actions be a reflection of my beliefs. Amen.

schulme2

Do you find the end of the day or the start of a new one to be a more difficult time of day for you?

Nighttime is hardest. Most nights I just lie awake for hours and replay the day the babies were born and the day Mary died. However many times I relive them, it still hurts the same.

Do you think you've had a sense of joy return yet? I have joy. It's a different joy, a cautious joy. Like, it's here but I don't believe it and I wait for the other shoe to drop. Like @ikrystal when I do recognize the joy I feel guilty for it and then it's gone.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? I'm having a really hard time right now trusting God. It's like I can't be honest with him because I feel like if I say "I can't handle XYZ" He'll be like "Oh, yes you can... See!" I think we're in a "It's complicated" relationship right now. I'm so afraid of getting me heart broken again.

Noethola

@ikrystal and @schulme2

It is so very hard to place that trust back in God with some things. With my rainbow pregnancy, people kept telling me "Just trust God." But it felt like a slap in the face because didnt they know I had trusted the first time? It was quite the struggle. "Its complicated" is a great way to describe it. 

diamante1181

stefuge said:

@diamante1181 - have you heard the phrase "and to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus". I read that a few months ago and really loved the image it gave. ((Hugs)). Glad to see you back.

Thanks! This really speaks to me. I had to take a hiatus because I was going crazy about everything. I didn't want to pass that on to anyone else.