coming to terms with being OAD

gwendarling

I'm really starting to come to terms with the fact that, while nothing is ever 100%, we are OAD. not like, OAD for now or OAD fence sitter, but just OAD. my list of reasons to be OAD have never been eclipsed by my desire for another, and I'm starting to really see that I don't even think I want a family of four: I never fantasize about being a foursome, I always fantasize about having a newborn and getting a "do-over." and I'm realizing that's my own issue with how DDs birth went and my experience with PPD and PPA that is primarily driving this fantasy.

As I'm starting to really understand this, I'm somehow getting sad that my stupid do-over fantasy won't happen and I'm like, sad I won't actually have that baby. what is wrong with me?

...and, at the same time, I realize just how lucky I am that my little family of three is perfect for us and promising myself and my daughter that, in lieu of a sibling, we will have ALL the fun and I can be more confident that I will be the best mom possible this way.

please tell me you went through this, too.

Chapter79

I've wished before I could have a re-do because of my pregnancy and birth.  Both sucked!!  And I was 50 pounds higher than now. I had a lot of pregnancy related medical issues, it was all very rough.   So I've definitely thought "I wish I could do that over and see if it's better"? But I don't actually want to. I don't actually want another baby in the end.   I just long sometimes (not really now, but a few years ago maybe) to have a normal pregnancy.  So I get ya.

this decaf life

I think it's different when you were planning for 2 babies and thinking you'd get another chance. DH started saying he only wanted 1 while I was pregnant so I tried to really look at DD as my only chance putting more of an effort to soak in her newbornness.

And newbornness was really hard with DD. I get twinges of regret sometimes because we had quite a few really rough nights and I wish I had kept my patience better but those nights make me want to not have to do it over. 

TittsMcGee

I've definitely had those feelings, and I feel like its normal to feel that way sometimes. I just cant picture ourselves with another kid. I see us as a family of 3 and its perfect for us.

jellybean529

My L&D was awful and my pregnancy was great, but high-risk,and I always wanted a do-over once I was healthier. It's probably never going to happen but I felt like you did -- some sadness and loss over the possibility. I try to tell myself how much more I can give my DD though.

hopefulmom81

I have been pretty staunchly OAD, but definitely ebb and flow with exactly what you are describing.

gwendarling

Thanks, everyone. I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone and that my conflicting feelings aren't a sign of being crazy! 

i feel like while I'm not necessarily mourning the loss of an idea of two kids, I am mourning the loss of an idea of a do-over. need to snap out of it.