I'm New

pennyorthmann

Hi There!

I'm fairly new to this site, well, I've lurked on and off for about two years now, but overall I haven't spent much time on it. I just wanted to introduce myself and maybe tell you all a little about my story in case you had similar experiences or advice.

Basically H and I have been together for just under 6 years (it will be 6 years in the end of May), and I've been pretty open since we started dating that I wanted children and a husband. We waited about 4 years to get married, and now we've been very happily married for nearly two years. Well I'm getting ready to have a baby, I've been studying up, asking my friends who have children a lot of questions, preparing my body, even preparing financially... problem is, H isn't ready. I totally understand that, and we've discussed that we will definitely be careful until he is ready, however whenever I bring it up, he says he really doesn't know when he'll be ready, and he told me he may not be for another 10 years. This is news to me, as I made it really clear when we were first together that I didn't want to wait long to have children, and he agreed. I've been waiting for many years now, I've had one ectopic pregnancy, and according to two doctors I've seen in the past year, I'm high risk, and shouldn't wait too long due to my previous medical history. 

Truth be told I'm afraid by the time H is ready to be a father, I won't be able to have children safely anymore. I have wanted to be a mother my entire life, and I'm so scared I won't get the chance. He's also not open to adoption in the future, which we've discussed at length. I know I need to work this out between H and myself, but if anyone has gone through this themselves or has any advice to offer, I'm open to hearing it. 

Thank you very much for reading, and allowing me to be part of your group.

Helenahhandbasket

I haven't gone through this myself, and I am sorry this is coming up for you.

I am going to guess you guys are young?  Early 20s maybe?  I am also going to go out on a limb and guess that if you guys are young, that many of your H's friends are either still single and/ or not fathers?  Am I close at all?

I realize I can be very off base, but the idea of parenthood for a lot of people sounds great in the abstract, but once we are faced with it head on (like, being married to someone who is ready to have a baby) it becomes frightening.  That's understandable, and relatable-- child rearing is scary.

If you guys are on the younger side, I think his feelings/ opinions about starting a family will change once his friends start popping out kids.  I know it sounds silly, but I think for a lot of men, they need to see someone they consider "just like them" have a baby and be able to make it work/ still have a life/ be normal.

I hope I am right about your situation-- but the bottom line is that you can't make someone ready.  Keep the lines of communication open, be patient and try not to get too ahead of yourself (thinking you are going to have problems in the future).

GL!

frootyloops

I was able to find you on facebook.

You should change your user name to something that is not your real name.