Money and the hubby:/

Alexinav

I'm so stressed right now:( my hubby doesn't realize how expensive babies are this is our second but he wasn't financially responsible for our first because we were in hs so my parents took over a lot of it. He makes pretty good money and is the bread winner getting only 24 hrs I bring home 1/3 of what he makes. But his hobby is his car and is constantly spending for it. He has been putting away big amt for when I go on my 6th month leave but to me the 120 that is gng to go to tinting windows and go to our stroller or buy like 4 big boxes of diapers! Are any other ladies having this prob? How are you coping with out fighting?

Mittens14

ashtog said:

My hubby plays magic online and likes to spend money that way- it's his hobby and he is also the breadwinner in our family. I would never tell him to stop doing it because I think that if that's the one thing he does that makes him happy outside of his family obviously (like your hubby's car) he should be allowed to do it and encouraged. all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. and it could be worse, he could be spending it on hookers and blow.

I agree.  He needs to still be able to maintain his hobby.  As long as it isn't getting a stroller OR getting his windows tinted, for example.  If he's spending money on the car and then unable to buy necessities for the baby, then that would be where I would need to put my foot down, but if you're getting a stroller and he's tinting the windows on his car and getting diapers, etc.  I don't see it as an issue.

busterbeagle

We just started a new budget this month to prepare for the new baby and my unpaid leave from work. Money discussions should really involve both of you sitting down together and making joint decisions and compromises about how much goes to each different need or want. That way he knows how much he can afford to spend on hobbies each month and you don't have to worry that the money should be going toward necessities, which should also be covered in the budget.

I think you get into dangerous territory with resentment issues when you look at money from a who earns what perspective. Same goes for having one person be in charge of the money and spending.

AnnieA75

mary97 said above, I would ask him to sit down and work out a budget with you. In addition to all of the monthly house/car/living expenses, identify how much money will be needed for X expenses for each child on a monthly basis. Then agree together on how any leftover funds will be spent -- how much will go to savings, to date night, to hobbies. If you work on the budget together and come to agreement, it should help to avoid fights and resentment down the road. That's what works for me and DH.

momthatlifts

My husband pulled a fast one on me yesterday. Without even discussing it with me. I was pretty upset seeing as how we could have used the money for more important things. He's still in the dog house and he knows it. I agree with PP. Definitely sit Dow. And discuss your priorities. Help him understand where your priorities stand and come to an agreement. Good luck

Soupy84

I have no problem helping DH maintain his hobby (WoW & MTG online) once baby arrives. I think maintaining hobbies that one is passionate about is an important investment in yourself.

Now if you are spending copious amounts of money on frivolous purchases (iPADs, TVs, etc) when you really cant afford it, there needs to be a serious discussion. Providing for your child should be the responsibility of the parents and they shouldnt be so selfish as to take from their baby's mouth to feed their impulses.

EmilyGolden1

I think everyone makes really great points above...have you had a heart to heart with him how you are feeling right now? Does he know how much his purchases are stressing you?

motoLyn

My husband's hobby is restoring his 1971 Corvette, I don't and won't stop him from working on it.  We have an agreement that as long as the house, baby and utilities are paid then he can use some of his hard earned cash towards his car.  I do agree with PP that sitting down and working out a budget or agreement with your DH would make it better on your mental and emotional state.  Everyone has to have some hobby they enjoy outside of the family.  Since my DH is also the breadwinner of the family I can't deny him that.  Hell I would like to get back into this season's outrigger races but I can't justify $500 dues when I could use that towards medical bills or baby things. 

CamrynnsMommy

I 100% agree with sitting down and doing a budget together. My H is not a saver, he's a "you can't take it with you when you die, so spend all the money" kind of guy. We do a budget together every month, that includes all bills, groceries, savings, and allowances (him/I/baby/girls). He still gets to spend money, but it has to be within his allowance and we allot an amount for baby purchases.

IBackBevo

kitchencolors said:

DH and I figured out our financial shit before we started having kids.   I think that has made it much easier for us. 

So from what I gather he is working part time and you are planning to take 6 months off after the baby is born?  Or did I read that wrong?

Sit down together and make a budget ASAP.

^^Both of these statements are what I was going to say!^^

First, if finances are tight, I can't imagine taking 6 months of unpaid leave.  I'm assuming it is either unpaid (or, at least, paid at a lesser wage than your regular rate) because I have never heard of anywhere giving 6 months of paid leave.  

Second, I have to admit that I don't altogether sympathize because to me this is something you work out well before you start having children.  And I am really not trying to flame.  I'm not.  Since you have not worked it out, I would recommend setting up a budget and deciding how much each of you are allowed (so to speak) every month for extras/luxuries/hobbies.   

AugustGlass

To echo what's been said 100 times now - make a budget. Make it together. Stick to it. Have a savings account. These are just the basics. 

Some of these posts give off the impression that money is being treated as insignificant. The it's not a big deal, it's just money, I wanted this, I needed to spend this much for my hobby - if you're spending what you don't have or more than you should spend with no regard to the repercussions, that to me is as big a problem as not having the money in the first place. For about 99% of the world, money will NEVER be insignificant. If you're not living on a tight budget for basic things, then you're putting more into savings or retirement, or for a future house, or for your child's education, etc, etc. There will always be something. Always. 

runningyogimama

Agree with everything said--sit down, make a budget. Is there a reason you're taking 6 months off when you work part time? Could you go back part time after 6 or 8 weeks and cut your hours back if you're not comfortable being away from baby that much?

Also:

CamrynnsMommy

My fave punctuation meme:

yvanehtnioj

Dang, cars are an expensive hobby. I watched my parents fight over this same thing for years. But then again my dad would do stupid stuff like buy an old beater "to fix up" without telling my mom. If money is tight right now, hobbies should be put on the back burner until you are back at work & have your new daycare budget all worked out. It's a temporary sacrifice to make during this time. Afterwards, consider the advice that was given about separate accounts for your discretionary spending. I think all parties should be entitled to some no-questions-asked funds for whatever floats their boat, after needs & long term goals are met.

Alexinav

EmilyGolden1 said:

I think everyone makes really great points above...have you had a heart to heart with him how you are feeling right now? Does he know how much his purchases are stressing you?

Thank you to everyone! His car is an expensive hobby it always has been and I have never told him anything against it but it was affordable with just one child and I'm incredibly nervous how two will be. He already went about the window tint this morning even after I expressed my worries. So we just got back from lunch and I brought is up again I asked him to please hold off on spending anymore on his car until after my shower and after the baby is born. That way we can make sure we have everything. We rnt right on money but worrying about it has always been my thing he agreed to it not because we don't have enough but because he's rather me not worry (and nag at him I'm sure even tho he didn't put it that way) at least for now until I am confident that we have all her and our sons necessities first I'm a happy wifey now:)

Alexinav

I didn't mean to say right on money I meant tight lol

Kaylee524

I'm glad you guys got everything worked out for this particular issue. Still - sit down and have that budget discussion. Budgets aren't just for when money is tight. They can help avoid these kind of arguments in the future and help you accomplish some long-term debt-paying, savings, or investing goals. 

Jillzy86

My DH loves his cars but realizes he needs to but it on the back burner while we start our family. He came from a very frugal family and when we discussed tinting his windows and how much our new baby would cost. He chose his son over the windows. It's just part of being a responsible father. He too is the bread winner but we still discuss frivolous spending. I'm sorry but this sounds like you and your DH need to sit down and talk about your finances, it's a difficult conversation but it's best to talk it out before you get angry when he comes home with his car all customized.

83edwards

My husband went out and bought a big screen tv the other day. I'm totes mad about it, but posted pics anyway. He has super long arms.....

Oh wait.....

RedInLove

Babybarlow2014 said:

No. Dh would get a swift kick to the furry beanbag. 

You need to sit and discuss priorities.

Tinting car windows isn't one of them!

This completely.

And after reading the entire thread and then replying, I'm still laughing at furry beanbag.

talkthewholetime

My DH is the Bees Knees!! The Cat Pajamas!! The Whales Taint!! The Tits!!!!!!! Like Triple E size MOTOR BOATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IBackBevo

talkthewholetime said:

My DH is the Bees Knees!! The Cat Pajamas!! The Whales Taint!! The Tits!!!!!!! Like Triple E size MOTOR BOATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This completely went over my head until @kitchencolors comment.

IBackBevo

83edwards said:

My husband went out and bought a big screen tv the other day. I'm totes mad about it, but posted pics anyway. He has super long arms.....

Oh wait.....

Why are his arms so long?

CamrynnsMommy

talkthewholetime said:

My DH is the Bees Knees!! The Cat Pajamas!! The Whales Taint!! The Tits!!!!!!! Like Triple E size MOTOR BOATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For some reason I think your wife might think otherwise tonight.

KEVIN!

Miles2Go

talkthewholetime said:

My DH is the Bees Knees!! The Cat Pajamas!! The Whales Taint!! The Tits!!!!!!! Like Triple E size MOTOR BOATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gee, Kevin. What are you thinking about tonight? You mentioned motor boats right after mentioning tits... Real subtle.

talkthewholetime

What a tool. Sorry guys. Lol I should have known when he asked me for expressions besides "the bees knees" and the "cats pajamas". It's the tits was actually my suggestion haha.

The motor boat one is lost on me.

83edwards

Arm augmentation. He paid for that behind my back/in front of my face too. He can holdt that tv withou even fully extending

britab

I think budgeting would help. Decide on a reasonable amount of fun money for each you each month. It's money either of you can use on whatever you'd like. DH save up his fun money for car projects.

GL!

N0nSequitur

Now, finally, I know -and I mean really know- my ABC's. Next time, do you think you would consider an accompaniment? What I mean to say is: won't you sing with me?

Mimaloo

When DH and I were dating, he "pimped out" his car - tints, lowered it, sound system, and all that jazz. I think it screams white trash and I refused to get in the car. Thankfully he sold it. 

He has since mentioned tinting the windows on both of our cars and I stopped him in his tracks. It's a non-negotiable issue. That's really the only frivolous thing DH is interested in. 

yvanehtnioj

Mimaloo said:

When DH and I were dating, he "pimped out" his car - tints, lowered it, sound system, and all that jazz. I think it screams white trash and I refused to get in the car. Thankfully he sold it. 

He has since mentioned tinting the windows on both of our cars and I stopped him in his tracks. It's a non-negotiable issue. That's really the only frivolous thing DH is interested in. 

LOL at your refusal to get into his pimped out automobile. I am not a fan of that stuff either! DH & I used to joke about that, like "What if I showed up for our first date in a lowered Honda Civic with a giant spoiler? Would you still have gone out with me?" Me: "Uh...no."

I gotta say though, where we live window tinting is not for vanity. It gets freaking hot out here. I wanted to get the windows in my Prius tinted before the baby came because I don't want the sun mercilessly beating down on his little face all summer. We'll see if we can still swing it.

Alexinav

yvanehtnioj said:

Mimaloo said:

When DH and I were dating, he "pimped out" his car - tints, lowered it, sound system, and all that jazz. I think it screams white trash and I refused to get in the car. Thankfully he sold it. 

He has since mentioned tinting the windows on both of our cars and I stopped him in his tracks. It's a non-negotiable issue. That's really the only frivolous thing DH is interested in. 

LOL at your refusal to get into his pimped out automobile. I am not a fan of that stuff either! DH & I used to joke about that, like "What if I showed up for our first date in a lowered Honda Civic with a giant spoiler? Would you still have gone out with me?" Me: "Uh...no."

I gotta say though, where we live window tinting is not for vanity. It gets freaking hot out here. I wanted to get the windows in my Prius tinted before the baby came because I don't want the sun mercilessly beating down on his little face all summer. We'll see if we can still swing it.


Hubby explained to me that this is the reason why he got his windows tinted he said he will stop buying lights and decals but the windows were his contribution to getting ready for our new baby as well as our son. The car is new so it was a preperation he thouht necessary.

Mimaloo

Mimaloo said:

When DH and I were dating, he "pimped out" his car - tints, lowered it, sound system, and all that jazz. I think it screams white trash and I refused to get in the car. Thankfully he sold it. 

He has since mentioned tinting the windows on both of our cars and I stopped him in his tracks. It's a non-negotiable issue. That's really the only frivolous thing DH is interested in. 

LOL at your refusal to get into his pimped out automobile. I am not a fan of that stuff either! DH & I used to joke about that, like "What if I showed up for our first date in a lowered Honda Civic with a giant spoiler? Would you still have gone out with me?" Me: "Uh...no."

I gotta say though, where we live window tinting is not for vanity. It gets freaking hot out here. I wanted to get the windows in my Prius tinted before the baby came because I don't want the sun mercilessly beating down on his little face all summer. We'll see if we can still swing it.

He had a jeep cherokee when we first started dating. Then he got a BMW and started doing all kinds of crap to it. He even tricked me into taking him to get it lowered. He had told me that he needed new shock something or others and me, not knowing a damn thing about cars and being a good girlfriend followed him when he dropped it off. I was livid when we pulled up at a performance place (he thought it was funny). I made him call his mom to come pick him up and it was our first real fight. 

And my car has factory tinted back windows (nothing on the front). DH is obsessed with tinting all of them dark and using the "it's necessary for the baby" argument. I told him that if he touches my car he will undoubtedly regret it.  

N0nSequitur

Abcdefghijklmnop @ladiebug30 is smart.