So annoyed...

codec

I am having my in-laws stay with us for two weeks, they will arrive a fews days before the baby. I don't mind since I know they don't expect me to entertain / feed them. And they will actually help with the kids and house chores.

Well, now my other family member who has been less than interested in the pregnancy is assuming she can just come and stay with us in April. I will be re covering from the csection, anemia, gd and all the damage hg did so don't really want anyone but my in laws to stay with us. My husband will also be using all his time off after baby so I'll be the one stuck at home entertaining her. Ugh.
It just rubs me the wrong way that she has not spoken to DH in about a year and now wants to insert herself...

What are some non bitchy ways my husband can relay the " uh, you can come, but where are you staying" message?

I also fear that I'll be made the bad guy here even though both DH don't want her staying here. Just annoyed, dont really want to deal with this with only 2 weeks from my due date.

ETA: omg mobile bumping is hard.

craftiemommie

No way.  I would say, "I'm sorry, but that won't be a good time.  I don't know what sort of recovery I'll be in and we will just be getting to know our baby. How about we plan something once I'm feeling up to it and we can really enjoy your visit?"  If they can't accept that then too bad! 

ProudMommy030614

Name drop some hotels!

SomersIsles

That's odd... especially considering it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with this person.  It'd be like if a distant cousin randomly said they'd sleep over.  Uh... no. 

You could say it in a very assumptive way... "Hey, it'd be great for you to visit!  Let us know the details.  There's a bunch of good hotels nearby since you're coming from so far away, let me know if you need a recommendation!"

clo1982

I agree with @craftiemommy. No need to skirt around it at all. Just nicely tell her that you don't know how things will be at that point with recovery and a newborn so you will plan a visit at another time when you are sure that you'll be up to company. Don't sacrifice your feelings for hers.

codec

Thanks for the ideas. We actually don't even have a spare bedroom, we were waiting until summer to start looking at houses, so we are in a two bedroom. We actually live right around the corner from a few fancy hotels that would be just up her alley .

It doesn't help that my DH has pretty much been avoiding her text messages that were just "FYI I am booking my flights for these days, see you then". She is also the same one that was going to throw a surprise "baby shower" for us and was upset that we had already bought everything, lol.

craftiemommie

I wouldn't even want her at a hotel nearby.  We told distant relatives they would have to wait a few weeks until we were up to long distance visitors.  If they stay at a hotel, they are still going to want to be around at the house for the majority of their visit.  The idea of having to entertain at that time seems ridiculous to me!  I have a feeling that my relationships with my family are a little different, but we told them straight out how we felt, and although they were a little taken aback, in the end they understand.  This included my father in law!  It just doesn't make sense to intrude on a new family just trying to figure things out.

Luckily the poeple that Itrust to help me when I need a mental health break or just help with the house are all nearby,

clo1982

I think he definitely needs to stop avoiding her texts! If he does that and she books flights, the blame shifts to you guys for not addressing it. If she is giving notice of her plans, however inconsiderate they may be, he needs to put on the big boy pants and be honest with her. You aren't making ridiculous excuses, but avoiding it and pretending it's not going to happen is a bit juvenile. And it'll totally make you and dh look like a-holes if/when she shows up and expects to stay with you since she has been given no indication otherwise. Bite the bullet, hope she didn't book a non-refundable flight and call her.

codec

clo1982 said:

I think he definitely needs to stop avoiding her texts! If he does that and she books flights, the blame shifts to you guys for not addressing it. If she is giving notice of her plans, however inconsiderate they may be, he needs to put on the big boy pants and be honest with her. You aren't making ridiculous excuses, but avoiding it and pretending it's not going to happen is a bit juvenile. And it'll totally make you and dh look like a-holes if/when she shows up and expects to stay with you since she has been given no indication otherwise. Bite the bullet, hope she didn't book a non-refundable flight and call her.

Yes!! I told DH I will kill him if she already booked. Its his family so he needs to address it. But I think he waited too long. Im totally going to make him take care of it today.