It didn't know they did this...

cassied7

Everyday, LO and I share a banana at 4:30. The past few days he has been upset with me because he wants to hold the banana. I will not allow this for fear of him shoving it down his throat and it breaking off. Today I put him on my lap because he was almost to the point of throwing a fit over the damn banana. He turned and looked me in the eyes with such a mean, pissed off look, and then slapped me in the face. He then immediately looked at his father and started crying hysterically. He's 10 months old! Am I completely naive to say that I really never knew that a 10 month old could be so angry that he would intentionally hit me, or anyone else for that matter? I'm left feeling a bit confused, because he's never been around any of that kind of behavior, so where would he get that from? Maybe this ties into the "nature vs. nurture" conversation, or is this a phase that will pass? I realize that kids act out, but what I did not realize is that it would happen so soon. I'm not really sure if this is a vent, or if I'm looking for answers, but WOW was I caught off guard today...

JSS1002

I have no advice,but OMG, that would break my heart and I'm so so so so sorry.

PepperBug

In my experience, it's a phase that goes on for a while. They don't know how to say "I want the banana," so they express it physically with hitting, scratching, grabbing, biting, etc. It's not a learned behavior. All you can really do is say no hitting and re-direct. It will pass...eventually....

MrsHartman7

Fin will push me away when he gets frustrated or overtired, like push my face or chest away if Im trying to hug him and he doesnt want me to.  I found myself taking it personally at first, but I realize he doesnt know social norms and doesnt realize he's rejecting me, Im sure its the same with the hitting.  No fun, hang in there!

ChicagoBroad26

Mila always tries to rip my studs out of my ears. Usually I just turn my head so she can't see them but tonight when I was feeding her before bed, she pushed my face to the side roughly so she had access to my ear and then tried to rip them out anyway. They're getting deliberate in their actions at this age, but have no social norms.

La Olivia

PepperBug said:

In my experience, it's a phase that goes on for a while. They don't know how to say "I want the banana," so they express it physically with hitting, scratching, grabbing, biting, etc. It's not a learned behavior. All you can really do is say no hitting and re-direct. It will pass...eventually....

I'm a behavior analyst. From a behavioral standpoint, this is absolutely a learned behavior. Hitting is not a reflexive behavior. He may not have learned it from seeing other people in his environment hit. He may not have even hit you intentionally. Your reaction (the OP) will be the biggest determinant of if this behavior will continue to occur or not.

ChicagoBroad26

La Olivia said:

In my experience, it's a phase that goes on for a while. They don't know how to say "I want the banana," so they express it physically with hitting, scratching, grabbing, biting, etc. It's not a learned behavior. All you can really do is say no hitting and re-direct. It will pass...eventually....

I'm a behavior analyst. From a behavioral standpoint, this is absolutely a learned behavior. Hitting is not a reflexive behavior. He may not have learned it from seeing other people in his environment hit. He may not have even hit you intentionally. Your reaction (the OP) will be the biggest determinant of if this behavior will continue to occur or not.

So what should her reaction be (if she wants to deter the behavior going forward?).

La Olivia

ChicagoBroad26 said:

La Olivia said:

PepperBug said:

In my experience, it's a phase that goes on for a while. They don't know how to say "I want the banana," so they express it physically with hitting, scratching, grabbing, biting, etc. It's not a learned behavior. All you can really do is say no hitting and re-direct. It will pass...eventually....

I'm a behavior analyst. From a behavioral standpoint, this is absolutely a learned behavior. Hitting is not a reflexive behavior. He may not have learned it from seeing other people in his environment hit. He may not have even hit you intentionally. Your reaction (the OP) will be the biggest determinant of if this behavior will continue to occur or not.

So what should her reaction be (if she wants to deter the behavior going forward?).

Without knowing anything other than what the OP said, if she is fairly sure that he was trying to get access to something, the banana, I would probably not give him anything after he hit. Let him be upset. I would offer him something else when he starts to calm down.

burneyonboard

LO yanked my hair the other day bc I took something away. I was surprised it was starting so early but let the tantrums begin!!

MsAmeera25

The first time Ethan had a tantrum it caught me off guard too. He usually slaps me and laughs but when he is mad he bite. So if I take something he wants he bites me or if he doesn't get his way he bites. I usually tell him no but he could care less. I don't bite people so I have no idea where he gets it from. I've contemplated biting him back sometimes lol j/k okay not really, :-S

PepperBug

La Olivia said:

PepperBug said:

In my experience, it's a phase that goes on for a while. They don't know how to say "I want the banana," so they express it physically with hitting, scratching, grabbing, biting, etc. It's not a learned behavior. All you can really do is say no hitting and re-direct. It will pass...eventually....

I'm a behavior analyst. From a behavioral standpoint, this is absolutely a learned behavior. Hitting is not a reflexive behavior. He may not have learned it from seeing other people in his environment hit. He may not have even hit you intentionally. Your reaction (the OP) will be the biggest determinant of if this behavior will continue to occur or not.

What I meant by "it's not a learned behavior" is that many babies do it, regardless of their home environment. I'm not a behavioral specialist, but I am a parent of an 11 month old and a 3 year old. And despite not reacting to the behavior, my son hit, bit, slapped, etc. when he was angry for a long time. So did the other kids in his class.

cassied7

Thanks ladies! After sleeping the night and waking up to my LO, it was nice to read all of your comments. Thanks for sharing your experiences similar to mine.

TuckleUp

Grace0609 said:

Baloney that a kid has to see hitting for them to "learn" it. I don't care what kind of specialist you are. Human nature. Kids do bad stuff. My first child started throwing mega tantrums at 9 months. Don't take it personally. Kids are kids. They have strong emotions and our job is to teach them over time how to manage them and that tantrums don't get them what they want.

Yeah....I've never bit my kid, yet he bites me every.day. I try not to react, and to redirect. I think that's all I can do at this point.

lilbit0910

DD has major fits also. She hits and throws her head back and screams to the top of her lungs if i take something away that she wants. At first it was funny, now i get really serious and tell her no. Also i do not give the thing she wanted back until she stops her tantrum.

La Olivia

Grace0609 said:

Baloney that a kid has to see hitting for them to "learn" it. I don't care what kind of specialist you are. Human nature. Kids do bad stuff. My first child started throwing mega tantrums at 9 months. Don't take it personally. Kids are kids. They have strong emotions and our job is to teach them over time how to manage them and that tantrums don't get them what they want.

I didn't say that a kid had to see hitting to learn to hit. In fact, I said that the opposite might be true. What I said is that hitting is a learned behavior. It is not reflexive. It would be very difficult to know why a.kid hit or bit (or engaged in any other behavior) for the first time. It also doesn't matter that much. All that matters is that the response the behavior gets from the people in their environment will largely determine if that behavior continues to occur or just happens a few times and then goes away.

MsAmeera25

LOL @bitch slap, we bedshare and that's my wake up call a few bitch slaps around 7 every morning 

kgs0505

When my kids start with the hitting, we take their hand, say no, then pat myself on the chest with their hand and say "Nice Mommy".  It works for us.  It at least redirects the hitting to the chest where it is less painful, and they eventually just pat you instead.  It's the start of "gentle" or "soft" hands.

Kmape36

ChicagoBroad26 said:

Mila always tries to rip my studs out of my ears. Usually I just turn my head so she can't see them but tonight when I was feeding her before bed, she pushed my face to the side roughly so she had access to my ear and then tried to rip them out anyway. They're getting deliberate in their actions at this age, but have no social norms.

OMG this exactly. Every. Single. Day!!!

LtlAngL

My son hasn't started hitting yet, but he was a biter for a while. DH and I would shreek when he would do it, startling him, and he stopped pretty quickly because it was unpleasant to him. We actually learned to do this with our dog when we first got him and it got him to stop nipping as well.