Apathy

Maybe Joleisa

If you go to Wiki and search "apathy" you may see my picture uploaded there. Okay, well not really, but that is how I feel. At the very least I'd like to start exercising and eating right again, but I can't even seem to manage that. In the 5 days post-delivery I lost the 20 lbs I gained during pregnancy plus I lost an extra 10 lbs from the grief diet of not wanting to eat.

In the past few weeks my appetite has returned (along with Thin Mint season--damn Girl Scouts!) and those 10 lbs have found me again. I'm back at square one. I want to exercise and I want to eat a more balanced diet--but I don't and I'm not sure what is stopping me. Grief?

Tell me what motivates you to do these things and maybe they will motivate me.

ikrystal

My husband and I are motivated by Conner and Benjamin.  I think we live more now like we would have wanted them to live.  I think they are watching us all the time, and I want to set a good example for them.  And I dont mean "watching us from heaven" - I mean, I know they are in heaven but I think that they are right next to me, all the time.  So I don't want them to think they have a mama who doesnt take care of herself, etc.  That is usually the only thing that motivates me now, since really... I dont care about much else. 

stefuge

Well, it took me a while to get out of that funk.  I lost all my pregnancy weight within 6 weeks, but then I got back into emotional eating, and the holidays, and by the time New Years rolled around, I was just done feeling sorry for myself and feeling fat, so I decided I needed to change things.  I know that when I am exercising and being healthy, I feel better about myself, happy that I am being healthy, happy that I am in shape, happy that I am doing something about my weight.  That was what I wanted - to feel like I was doing something positive about this thing that I hated about myself.  And the past two months I have stuck to it, lost 11 1/2 lbs, and am exercising every day and I feel so much better when I look in the mirror. 

I also think for me, part of it is thinking about a future pregnancy and baby.  The only risk factor I had for a placental abruption in the first place was being overweight.  So, I feel like, since we don't know the cause for the placental abruption, the only thing I can change before I get pregnant again is to lose weight, get to a healthy BMI, and get healthier in general.  I have 6 months before we are coming off the bench, and that is my goal.

mmsweeney1

* ticker *

I guess I told myself that taking good care of myself was just about the one thing I could control. I also tried to keep reminding myself that I always feel better when I exercise/eat well. Just like @stefuge said, I wanted to get my body in the best shape to eventually be pregnant again .

kflynn81

I also agree with @stefuge about getting healthier for future pregnancies. Especially since no one on this earth seems to be able to tell me why I developed preeclampsia and HELLP at 19 weeks.... the doctors wouldn't even officially diagnose me with it until the day before we delivered him..... I NEED to be in the best shape (physically, mentally, emotionally combined) before trying this again. I'm by no means overweight but my BMI says I am. If I can at least be in a healthy weight range I know I did whatever I could to prevent it from happening again.

Also, like @mmsweeney1 said, its something that can be controlled. I'm a major control freak and like to have it over something in this process.

schulme2

@maybe joleisa I am in the same boat. I just can't get myself to care yet! I want to... Just can't!

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***



I also dropped the pregnancy weight fairly quickly, which kinda pissed me off - I felt like my body betrayed me by forgetting so quickly that I'd carried a baby for almost 35 weeks. I didn't really give a crap about anything for the last half of 2012 and just went day to day, trying to survive. When 2013 rolled around, I decided that I was going to make the most of the year and finally decided to snap out of my funk. Honestly, a huge fight with my mom on New Year's Eve made me realize that I had to find a way to move forward instead of just survive. I had to do it for my family, for my sanity, and especially for Devon. I'm another gang also wanted to drop weight before I got pregnant again, and I was hopeful that 2013 would be our year to have a shot at our rainbow. Those things motivated me to start the C25K program, drop 10 pounds and go through six weeks of counseling to get my head on straight again.

What we've gone through is hard - ridiculously hard. As others have said, you just have to roll with the punches and wait all of these feelings and emotions - especially apathy - out. I tried to make myself care too soon, and it almost backfired. Just take it one day at a time - I know you'll find your motivation soon. **hugs**

Maybe Joleisa

Thank you for all of your responses; I read them while eating some chocolate. (WTF?) I don't think this cold weather is helping my motivation any--I'm a summer girl! Okay, I'm already comfy in my pajamas for the night, but right now I'm going to go pack my breakfast & lunch for work and my clothes for the gym for the next 2 days. I'll have to go to the gym right from work, because if I stop home pajamas are going to happen.

I'll let you know if balloons fall from the ceiling when I scan my membership card at the gym. (I haven't been there since my IVF cycle in September.) You all are right: this is the one thing I can control. Thaaaaanks gals.