PR: Preschool and separation anxiety

WillieNelsonsGardener

I need some advice about DS and preschool. I'm having trouble determining if his behavior is pretty normal for his age or if I am pushing him too hard.

Some background: (I'll try and keep it brief.)
DH passed away last April. I packed up and we moved to another city to be closer to some family and friends. I enrolled DS in preschool MWF and he really loved it. A little over two weeks ago, I got a phone call from the director saying that the school would be closing at the end of February. It was totally unexpected. I dropped DS off at school the next day as usual and when I went to pick him up, the doors to the school were wide open, the fridge was in the parking lot and it was obvious that was the last day. So basically 24 hours notice the place was closing. I found out where DS's classmates were going, toured the school, and enrolled DS. Its a much larger place, his class size tripled, and its all around just a more structured environment. He's only been twice but drop offs have been a total nightmare, but on the flip side at pick up all he talks about is how much fun he had at school. Yesterday morning, he basically threw himself on his bedroom floor and refused to get up or get dressed to go to school. The director recommended enrolling him 5 days instead of 3. I understand her logic behind it with more consistency and whatnot, but if I can't even get him out the door it doesn't matter how many days he is enrolled for. My main concern is that this is too much change over a short period of time and I'm pushing him too hard. However, if he is home with me, he would be with me 24/7. Right now there is no opportunity for overnights/afternoons with grandparents or anything like that.

Has anyone experienced this when transitioning their LO to a new school? I am trying to determine if I need to push through this or hold back.

Oh, JW will be 3 in April.

LoveActually4

Totally normal IME.

After I went back to work from mat leave with Ds2, DS1 had a really hard time adjusting. He was going to DC 2 days a week while I was off but when we upped him to 5 days a week he flipped. Drop offs were horrible!

I think the age is hard for any sort of change. They get so set in their ways. We drop DS1 to the same teacher every morning and I also leave a snack he can look forward to after I leave. These have helped and he's a different kid at drop off now but it did take 2-3 months

WillieNelsonsGardener

@LoveActually4

That's good to know! Did you have any trouble getting him out of the house in the morning? I could not figure out what to do. I tried talking about it, bribery, giving him time to calm down, anything I could think of.... it lasted for 2 hours. I also do warnings ahead of time, like "okay, after breakfast, its time to get dressed for school." He's fine until its actually time to get dressed and get out the door.

WillieNelsonsGardener

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

Isla did it too.  Preschool is a big change regardless, but if you stay positive about it and be consistent he will learn quickly that it is the way things will be from this point on and he will accept it.

It was awful for me, I can't lie.  Isla threw a screaming, crying tantrum every single day she went.  For almost two months or something.   I was a basket case.  But she loves school now.

It freaking sucks. Is she going 5 days a week?

LoveActually4

@WillieNelsonsGardener we did. He would start the day before, "tomorrow I stay home with mommy?". When I'd tell him it was daycare, he'd lose it.

We just stayed consistent and reassured him that I always come back. We found out his favorite toys and the teachers had it ready for him when he came in.

It's a process and it's awful but it will get better.

msdrdg

Seems normal to me.  He's had a lot of big changes in his little life. 

My DS loves school, has fun there, etc....  But there are days when he says he doesn't want to go, that some kids are mean, that he hates school.  There are days when he won't let me go at drop off. 

My advice, don't pull him out.  I have noticed that the kids who go part time to our DC seem to have a harder time at drop off than the full time kids, but that isn't really a reason to switch him to 5 day.  Is there anyway you can try to make the getting out of the house process fun?  Like a game?

WillieNelsonsGardener

Thanks everyone!! I really, really appreciate the suggestions.

I will definitely look into that book. I downloaded Llama Llama Misses Mama last week and read it to him and it totally backfired. He was so fixated on the llama being sad that he cried after I read the book. I started trying a heart on his hand with a Sharpie so the Kissing Hand sounds like a great way to tie it all together.
 
@SunnyDays26 I told the director that he really likes helping with the class (like getting snacks ready) so she was going to have the teacher try and do that at drop offs. I really hope that helps!

@msdrdg I was thinking of doing sticker rewards to make it fun. I'm also part of the problem, I need to be more consistent instead of wishy washy. Gah. I need a drink. Is it beer-thirty yet? :P

LoveActually4

@willenelsonsgardener DS1 is TERRIFIED of Llama Llama. He gets really freaked out by the "sad" faces Llama makes and then gets really clingy if I try to leave him at bedtime. That book totally backfired for us too!

thebanich

Lilly (will also be 3 in April)  does this on occasion. She only goes T/TH and if there is a long break or if she has a had a particularly bad set of days she will go BSC trying to get out the door. I can generally talk her through getting in the car but sometimes I have to strap Finn in and then carry her out to the car/ carry her in to school. She puts on a show until I leave and then she will be fine at school.

I can tell that 3 is just going to be a giant ball of fun.