DH is taking this failed cycle especially hard. — The Bump
Infertility Veterans

DH is taking this failed cycle especially hard.

DH is taking this failed cycle much harder than our past cycles. I’m not quite sure how to deal with this. I can’t even bring up the cycle without him getting upset. I am also very upset the cycle was a big fat fucking failure, but I really want to schedule our WTF to hear what my RE’s thoughts are regarding this cycle.

Fast forward to today, my RE emailed me to ask if we were ready to schedule our WTF. She indicate it didn't have to be this week, just whenever we are ready. I brought it up to DH, he said to schedule a phone consult and if he didn't want to hear what she had to say he would just walk out of the room. I conveyed to him I think it’s important he hears what she has to say and if he isn't ready I will wait to schedule the appointment when he is ready.

Has anyone had a similar situation? I want to talk to me RE when our cycle is fresh in her mind. WWIFVD?

::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
imageimage image 

Re: DH is taking this failed cycle especially hard.


  • **siggy warning**


    I waited almost a month after cycle 2 failed to call for a wtf cause I just didn't want to hear what the re had to say. I think people need to do things in their own time in order to be open to ideas presented and be ready to move forward. Kwim?
    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, 
    Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection

    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
  • I agree with Megs. I'd wait another week or so and feel DH out and see how he's feeling. You don't want to go into the appointment and not have DH be receptive to your REs thoughts and suggestions.

    I'm sorry this is a hard time for you.

    TTC#1 since April 2011
    IVF#1 July 2012 5R, 3 made it to blast, sET c/p
    FET#1 Aug 2012 2 blasts transferred BFN
    IVF#2 Oct 2012
    16R/6M/6F/2-8 cell grade 1 transfer
    Beta 1-237.9, Beta 2-566, Beta 3-8657
    US 6w3d shows one baby w/ HB 115
    US 7w1d no more heartbeat/ D&C 11/30/12 normal karyotype
    IVF#3 Mar 2013
    6R/4M/4F 1 compacting and 2-8 cell transfer
    ectopic pg MTX given 3 month break from TTC

    IVF#4 Sept 2013--BFN
    IVF#5-7 Apr 2014, Jun 2014 and Aug 2014 banking embryos for CCS testing. Praying for normals! Image and video hosting by TinyPic image image

    http://i61.tinypic.com/34zll06
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  • Yeah I get it. My DH hard a hard time right when it happened and now hes doing better and I'm the one who seems to be falling back and it all just hitting me now. Went and had my blood drawn yesterday to see if Hcg levels are down yet and the RE didn't call to let me know what it is.... And I don't even care... I didn't call them to ask. I don't even care what's next right now... Can't even think about our wtf. I'm guessing i need more time. Do what feels right to you guys and maybe give DH a little more time to come around. This is hard and who knows what's going thru his mind now. Maybe give him a few days and then go to a nice dinner and talk about it.
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






  • This has to be hard on him... its hard on us and most of our DHs are very good at being supportive to us. You may just need to give him time and support him. I hope he comes around sooner than later, but the most important thing is that you are both on the same page. 


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Waited a long time, tried a lot of stuff, science made me a mom.
      

     
  • ((hugs)) I agree with the others about waiting for your DH to be ready and hope he will be soon.

    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.

    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!

    image

    image
  • I am so sorry. I had a similar situation with one of our fails. I know this won't be appealing to everyone, but this is what we did: I was more than ready for answers/a new plan, so I scheduled it right away. DH wasn't as ready. With my RE's permission, I audio taped our whole conversation on my phone. Then, DH listened to it down the road, when he was ready. Maybe that's an option?

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins
    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1
    : 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:
    NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN

    IVF #4: (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***
    Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

  • mm29mm29
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    member
    I am so sorry. I had a similar situation with one of our fails. I know this won't be appealing to everyone, but this is what we did: I was more than ready for answers/a new plan, so I scheduled it right away. DH wasn't as ready. With my RE's permission, I audio taped our whole conversation on my phone. Then, DH listened to it down the road, when he was ready. Maybe that's an option?
    This is what I think I'm going to do.  DH told me last night he wants to live CF.  He may just be saying this in anger.  IDK for sure. 
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
    chucktgirl
  • Biggest hugs. I am so sorry. I wish I had advice for you, but I don't think these answers are ever clear. IF sucks so bad. I think the suggestion to record the convo seems like a good middle ground because I understand your feeling that talking to the RE while the information is fresh is preferable. Again, I am so sorry you're facing this. :(

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014! 
     
     
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • Km672Km672
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    I'm so sorry for all of this. When our DE cycle failed, it was much harder for both of us than any of our previous failures. I just feel like we had such high hopes and then when it didn't work, it hurt that much more. Maybe this is part of what your DH is feeling. My DH also took it harder because we had put so much money into the cycle, so paying for a second DE cycle took some time for him to accept. Right now, it sounds like he is speaking from hurt and anger. Again, I'm so very sorry and hope he will be open to listen to your REs thoughts. I'm sure he will feel a bit better and have some direction when he hears your REs opinion.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • I'm so sorry that your DH is taking it so hard. I think it's completely normal though. After so many 'no's' it's hard on us, too. They (maybe I'm just speaking for my DH) are really good at hiding it and just carrying on. However, sometime, they have to grieve. Maybe this is just what he is doing now. I say to just let him have time to deal and, if your DH is like mine, just don't bring it up for a week or two. Let him regroup in his own mind and decide he is ready for the WTF appt. Sometimes, I forget that IF is a combined issue and not just mine. While my DH claims he doesn't really have feelings, I can't even fathom how hard all of this is for the men. They are literally just sitting back, letting crazy things happen to their wives and they have no control.

     

    BabyFruit Ticker

     ttc #2 since 2004 Me (35): Stage 3 Endo, DH (34): High DNA Frag

    IVF/ICSI #2: April 2014: BFP!!!!!!

    ET of 2 great quality embryos. + BFP on 9dp5dt. Beta #1 (10dp5dt): 257, Beta #2 (14dp5dt): 1561,

    Beta #3 (21dp5d5): 8,172. Wow. It seems this is actually working. Shocked beyond belief.

    1st u/s @6w5d: Baby A hb 124, Baby B hb 127 (Both measuring perfectly!)

    Lost baby A. Praying that baby B stays healthy. Baby B hb 175 at 11 weeks

    It's a GIRL!!!

    imageimageimage

     

     

    My Blog

  • ****sig****

    Sorry your hubby is taking it hard. Biggest hugs to you both. My hubby was also at a place if not wanting to pursue more treatment. It was our RE who changed his heart so I'm glad I waited to do our follow up several weeks until he was more receptive. Also, I felt that in that waiting time our RE did not forget the details of our cycle but actually gave it more thought and had some new options to suggest. Keep the lines of communication open, but don't push. This is so hard on emotions and can take its toll on a relationship. I wish you the very best <3

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

    mm29
  • I'm sorry you are going through this. It's so hard. My DH and I go through phases after failed cycles. Days following the BFN news, we are both usually so heartbroken and bitter that I try to let things "simmer" for a few days before moving ahead. Otherwise we end up arguing and taking our frustrations out on each other.

    A week or so later, the fog seems to clear a little bit and we're usually able to talk about what's next. Our RE generally takes about a month to get in for a WTF (our clinic is very big). At first the waiting annoyed me, but I've learned to appreciate it. A little time seems to get us back on track and fuel us for the next plan.

    Thinking of you and hoping things get easier soon.

    It's twin girls!! Born on 11-2-14!
    image
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