Birthday party guest list help

skibunny59

Hi Ladies,

DD's 2nd birthday party is coming up and I'm struggling with the guest list.  We had 40 people and 8 kids in our small house last year and it was super loud and chaotic.  This year I wanted to have it smaller so I dropped the guest list down to 25 adults and 8 kids.  It was super hard to decide who not to invite but we decided to only invite close friends with kids and immediate family.

We have 8 people not coming so far (DH's parents and sisters are not coming.  Poor guy.)  So I've been thinking of inviting my aunts and uncles.  It would really only be 4 extra people.  I am very close with my extended family and they really love DD to pieces.

I've also been thinking of inviting my best friend.  I originally wasn't going to invite her because she doesn't have kids and her and her DH always look super uncomfortable and bored at kid's parties.  I don't want her to feel obligated to come. But I also don't want to exclude her just because she doesn't have kids. 

I'm torn. Should I just leave the guest list how it is?  Right now we would have about 16 adults and 6 kids.  Should I add the 6 extra people?  I'm kind of scarred by last year's party.  I'm afraid of having too many people in my house.  I just feel bad excluding my family.  

laurelita42

I wouldn't worry about it. Invite the people that you- and your DD- would want to see there. We did a family party for year 1, and will do the same thing for year 2. IME, family will be pretty respectful of keeping a party generally calm for a little child and it's easier to ask them for help if you need it during the party. We will have close to the same number (15-ish total, almost all family) and I'm not worried about it. I just side-eye the early parties (ages 1, 2, sometimes 3) where the parents are inviting everyone in the day care or all the work colleagues PLUS family. Our LO's are too little for that, and I think it screams "GIVE MY KID GIFTS!" Your party size doesn't do that, and I don't think the additions you want to make are inappropriate, particularly since your BFF sounds like she might decline.

skibunny59

laurelita42 said:

I wouldn't worry about it. Invite the people that you- and your DD- would want to see there. We did a family party for year 1, and will do the same thing for year 2. IME, family will be pretty respectful of keeping a party generally calm for a little child and it's easier to ask them for help if you need it during the party. We will have close to the same number (15-ish total, almost all family) and I'm not worried about it. I just side-eye the early parties (ages 1, 2, sometimes 3) where the parents are inviting everyone in the day care or all the work colleagues PLUS family. Our LO's are too little for that, and I think it screams "GIVE MY KID GIFTS!" Your party size doesn't do that, and I don't think the additions you want to make are inappropriate, particularly since your BFF sounds like she might decline.

Part of the problem is MY family is so large.  Last year for her 1st birthday we only invited both our families and close friends and it was still too much. (40 freakin' people plus 8 kids)  My immediate family is small (just my parents, my brother and his wife) but my extended family is huge and unlike most people, I am actually very very close to my extended family and see them very frequently throughout the year.

I just really don't want to do a huge party like I did last year and my extended family is very loving and warm but they are very loud, boisterous Cuban people and DD was a little overwhelmed last year.  I really want it to be low key.  They love her so much but it was just too much for her and me.  My family is not like yours where they will keep a party calm for a child. 

Anyway, I was talking to my mom about it this morning and she basically said just to keep it how it is and not invite my extended family.  She said that it makes sense to invite our close friends with kids since they are DD's friends and they can play together.  And immediate family of course is invited.  But if I invite my extended family I'm just doing a huge party again like last year and I really wanted to stay away from that.  And I can't invite some extended family members and not others so I'm just not inviting any this year.  I'll leave them for first birthdays, christenings, communions, stuff like that.

RN2011

laurelita42 said:

I wouldn't worry about it. Invite the people that you- and your DD- would want to see there. We did a family party for year 1, and will do the same thing for year 2. IME, family will be pretty respectful of keeping a party generally calm for a little child and it's easier to ask them for help if you need it during the party. We will have close to the same number (15-ish total, almost all family) and I'm not worried about it. I just side-eye the early parties (ages 1, 2, sometimes 3) where the parents are inviting everyone in the day care or all the work colleagues PLUS family. Our LO's are too little for that, and I think it screams "GIVE MY KID GIFTS!" Your party size doesn't do that, and I don't think the additions you want to make are inappropriate, particularly since your BFF sounds like she might decline.

Part of the problem is MY family is so large.  Last year for her 1st birthday we only invited both our families and close friends and it was still too much. (40 freakin' people plus 8 kids)  My immediate family is small (just my parents, my brother and his wife) but my extended family is huge and unlike most people, I am actually very very close to my extended family and see them very frequently throughout the year.

I just really don't want to do a huge party like I did last year and my extended family is very loving and warm but they are very loud, boisterous Cuban people and DD was a little overwhelmed last year.  I really want it to be low key.  They love her so much but it was just too much for her and me.  My family is not like yours where they will keep a party calm for a child. 

Anyway, I was talking to my mom about it this morning and she basically said just to keep it how it is and not invite my extended family.  She said that it makes sense to invite our close friends with kids since they are DD's friends and they can play together.  And immediate family of course is invited.  But if I invite my extended family I'm just doing a huge party again like last year and I really wanted to stay away from that.  And I can't invite some extended family members and not others so I'm just not inviting any this year.  I'll leave them for first birthdays, christenings, communions, stuff like that.

I had to chuckle a bit because this is so me! I'm also Cuban and totally know what you are talking about. You're probably better off with just immediate and friends that have children.

usarmywifetso

2013mommy said:

If last's years party was overwhelming I'd just leave the guest list as is.

Agreed. Don't stress yourself out, you want to enjoy the party too! Plus, IMO, if someone found they were only invited because someone else declined, they may feel a bit offended. I know it would probably bother me a little bit. We did a big party like you did for 1 but 2 is only gonna be about half the size. For me, the big parties will just be for the big birthdays (1, 13, 16, etc) and everything else will be smaller.