Baby on hold or full speed ahead?

lilhenry89

Ok mommies and mommies to be.. My husband and I had a plan as far as when to ttc. This is because of personal female health issues that I have that the longer I wait the harder it will become for us to conceive. However our finances are not where I would like them to be before we ttc. We have most of our debt paid down and a small cushion in our savings ($3000) so not a lot. I would much rather have more saved before hand and he is not working full time yet though he makes enough monthly for us to be fine right now.
We discussed it today and I feel like he is living in a fantasy world as far as how stressful it is the first few months without added financial stress let alone with that added to it. We have insurance that is decent. 750 deductible and 80/20 coverage after that.
My concern is all of the medical bills that will rack up and continue to do so the first year. He however says we can make payments and they don't have to be made in full.
I know I can be a little too concerned with finances due to my parents and our past but I also feel like he doesn't consider everything.
I'm just out here looking for advice from people who have done it. I'm afraid to wait and miss our window of conception but I also don't want to put us under on our finances.
Please be kind in your comments I don't need discouragement just honest advice from experienced ladies.

SmileyJay

I'm really sorry you are having to rush things against a clock that your dr. set for you. I want to recommend getting a second opinion from a reproductive endocrinologist before just accepting what one doctor told you. I don't know specifics on your situation, but a second opinion when making a huge life decision should definitely be sought. I love my obgyn, but I would be getting second and third opinions if she told me something like this. 

Have you ran the numbers for what having a baby would cost you? We live in a low cost of living area and it will be about $1500/month for us plus $1500 delivery/doula costs and money to decorate the nursery ($1500 or so). That includes full time care at the best facility in our area, diapers, formula, baby insurance plan, clothes, etc. I hope to cloth diaper at home and breastfeed, but we wanted to have a high estimate when planning. We also have some family help for care and other things, but don't want to "need" it financially. The first time I looked at the numbers I cried thinking we would never afford kids... but through budgeting, cutting debt, and working on increasing our income we are now ready after years of planning. 

I think the main thing is just know the costs associated when how you want to parent (different for every one), identify the sacrifices you would need to make, and see if all of that would work for you right now. It might or it might not.

It seems the majority of people go into parenthood with the same thoughts as your husband. It isn't "wrong" and it usually does work out some way or another... but it is stressful and shapes the way you parent. I feel the way that you do, that having a baby is stressful enough without the financial worry. I hope you guys can figure this out and decide when you start your family. 

>>hugs<< 

Jags8

You should have at least 6 months of bills in your savings. I would be more comfortable having a year saved. That $3000 could potentially be drained pretty quickly with a baby. Daipers are expensive. What if you can't breastfeed, or decide you really don't like it, and you have to buy formula?There is a never a perfect time to have a baby, but there are stupid times.

I would take a harder look at where your money is going right now. Maybe you can make your coffee at home rather than pay $4 every day at Starbucks (just an example). Work more at putting money away.

SmileyJay

Also - you can get prenatal care at clinics and have the hospitals work on payment plans with you, but I think this is far from ideal. I have never done that so maybe someone else here will have info. If you don't have good insurance, you need to get it before ttc. I have excellent insurance paid through my employer with a $300 copay - delivery will still be an estimated $1K. But I get to choose my doctors and hospital and all of that. I want a doula and her fee is $500, so that is optional of course. Also, birthing classes, lactation classes, etc... most cost $$. 

Another thing - I called my insurance provider and found out that adding one child to my plan would be $700 a month. WOAH! Called BCBS and they offer single plans for just the baby at $150-$200 a month. I let out a big sigh when I heard that lol There are also low cost state programs if you qualify. It is worth looking into, I don't know your income. 

Like I said, just find out what the costs are to parent/birth the way you intend to, it is totally different for everyone.

lilhenry89

Thanks so much for the advice! I have been to several different specialist because this all started when I was 12. Which has been both a curse and a blessing. My husband and I both knew the possibilities going into it so in that regard at least we were prepared.
Thankfully we do have family close by that are more than willing to babysit so that cuts cost and I hope to breastfeed. While I think it's doable I just want to be comfortable or at least as much as we can be with a new baby lol.
If anyone has an estimated cost of pre delivery and labor costs that would be helpful.

kcisthebombdotcom

Who told you the clock is ticking? Was this a doctor that explicitly told you it was now or never or are you taking a guess because of a condition you have that other women had difficulty conceiving with? I would wait 12 months and get real serious about saving. Drastically cut your grocery budget by shopping sales, cut cable, cancel expensive cell phones and get a pay as you go phone you use sparingly, cut dinners out, etc. Bank as much as you can now, have dh get aggressive with finding a ft job and take it from there. I doubt a year is going to matter.

SmileyJay

This is going to be long...

like KC said - little changes make a huge difference in savings. We usually don't think about that the little things... for example, one latte at $4 a pop, 5 days a week... that is $80 a month. Or cable - we save $100 a month on not having tv service. We also downgraded cars and have been frugle.

Do you have insurance? If you do, call your provider and they can give you a good estimate. Usually how it works is your obgyn bills you after your delivery for all prenatal care and delivery. This is what mine does anyways. Or you may pay your co-pay and that comes off of your deductible... then at the birth/when you are billed after the birth you have to pay the remainder of your deductible plus a % of the costs above that deductible. Aetna estimates prenatal costs and delivery for one child in my area to be $11,000. So I pay my $300 deductible and then the insurance pays 90% after that, and I pay 10%. So that would be $300 + $1070 (10% of 11,000-300) = $1370 delivery costs. Then I want a doula which is $500, and to take a few birthing classes and other things... so our total cost will be like $2000, not $1500 like I said before. 

Baby's first year will be insurance costs of about $200 a month plus co-pays for visits. These are usually $20-$40. They add up fast since babies need so many visits, I would budget for paying at least 2-3 copays per month.

If you do not have insurance, call the hospital you want to deliver at and ask about their self-pay costs.They are lower than what they bill insurance. You can expect the self-pay rate to be about 30% less. So I would say $7700 for prenatal care and an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. If you need NICU care or a cesarean, these costs are higher and you will be wanting insurance badly. All public hospitals (private won't take someone without insurance) have programs to help people with low income to afford their bills and they will set up a payment plan for you. Usually the income requirements for these are very low. Several years ago my DH had some medical bills from when he was 18 and wanted to get help for them, but was declined because he was making about $25K a year then, even though he was paying for full time college as well. Some hospitals also offer a maternity plan where during your pregnancy you pay, for example, $500 every month. Then you would have the last installment at the delivery and not owe anything else. Look into programs like this if you do not have insurance.

Your cheapest option by far would be to go ahead and get insurance now before ttc/getting pregnant. It will save you a lot more than it will cost in the long run. 

Another note about childcare - I just wouldn't fully rely on someone else for childcare. Things happen and that person may not be able to care for the child, or it may be harder than they thought it would be. We have family who have told us that they would help, but we aren't willing to rely on that financially because they have their own lives to live. I just think it is risky to rely on it fully, that's all. 

Pookieson

I'd definitely call and get quotes regarding delivery so you at least have a ballpark and then revisit the topic when you have more information at hand.  I would probably definitely wait until your DH is working full time if you aren't (I can't remember if you said you were or not)

lilhenry89

Thanks for the suggestions! I have so far call my insurance company and they sent us estimate sheets with how much we would pay and how much would be covered. Assuming we get pregnant as shortly as 4 months from now (big if) our deductible would start over before the baby would be born so then we would actually end up pay our deductible again on top of the hospital deductible of 250. Total it will cost us about 4,000 for prenatal and delivery out of pocket. Can we save enough.. the answer is yes.  We have already made budget cuts and only eat out once a month now. I work full time and he is PRN (as needed) Physical Therapist Assistant. I am mostly worried about hidden costs and things that we don't necessarily think about ahead of time. I want a LO so much but I am very type A and like to have debts paid in full as soon as possible. Maybe Iam stressing about it too much and I should just make sure we can afford the 4000 and trust God to help us work out the rest when the time comes. We are believing in Him for a full time job for the hubs so through all of the advice given I have come to the realization that I have been worrying instead of believing all things will happen  in God's time.  And for the one who has asked why do we think we wont be able to conceive in the future the answer is that we have (as I wrote before) gone to many different doctors on top of the specialists I have been seeing since I was 12 and they have all came to the same conclusion. I am done seeing doctors so asking for yet another doctors opinion is out of the question.

lilhenry89

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.  It is inspiring to hear from someone who understands and had to take another (just as blessed) route and is completely ok and even thrilled with how it turned out. God really does know what's best and it has been your response that has helped me to remember exactly why I shouldn't worry. Thank you again.

kcisthebombdotcom

lilhenry89 said:

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.  It is inspiring to hear from someone who understands and had to take another (just as blessed) route and is completely ok and even thrilled with how it turned out. God really does know what's best and it has been your response that has helped me to remember exactly why I shouldn't worry. Thank you again.

If god magically made everything work out ok financially then the statistic that 30% of parents have difficulty affording diapers which means many kids sit in soiled diapers for hours a day would not exist. Many, many children do without proper food, clothing, and/or shelter in this country--did god forget in those cases? I would not be so naive to believe that if you have enough to cover delivery costs you'll be just fine. The first year is expensive even if everything magically goes your way and you can make parenting as cheap as possible by breastfeeding and cloth diapering. Also kids only get more expensive with age, not less.

SmileyJay

Based on my understanding from asking my obgyn, you should not pay a deductible twice. It doesn't work that way because the OB will bill you after the birth for all of your prenatal appointments and delivery. At least this is what mine does. Unless of course you change providers in the middle then they will go ahead and bill you, but it would only be for office visits.

I am not religious so I can't comment on that. I think things work out for the best with a lot of hard work and a bit of luck. I worked so hard through college and worked even harder to find a good job after. I know people who are kinder and more deserving than myself who can not find work or afford their families. I personally would never consider having a child before we had the means to at least afford the minimum like delivery costs, but obviously not everyone feels that way or there wouldn't be so many babies! 

I don't know the specific situation, but if you are thinking you could possibly get pregnant within 4 months without any fertility treatments (which are very expensive) then I can't imagine that your ability to get pregnant is just going to drop off at some date very soon. It takes perfectly healthy couples up to a year to conceive. 

I would see an RE to ask specifically about fertility preservation. I get that you don't want to see another doctor, but maybe just call one you have seen in the past to see what options are out there to help you wait a while. 

Helenahhandbasket

Medical bills will be the least of your concern, to be honest.  There are so many other expenses that just keep adding up.  Daycare, diapers, formula-- it all just keeps coming.

If you can wait another year-- I would maybe try to do that and sock away as much as possible. 

 

SmileyJay

I've spent plenty of time on the phone with my insurance and doctor's office to verify what our costs would be (for an uncomplicated delivery) so I didn't feel like I was talking about things I have no idea about. I just wanted OP to know she should call her insurance instead of just assuming that if services are over 2 calendar years she will pay 2 deductibles, it does not always work that way. Mostly it has to do with how the office bills, not the insurance so she should check with them. I am not sure if she already has done this.

In my particular case I will only owe one deductible no matter when I conceive/deliver because my ob bills after all services are rendered and I have double checked this with my provider (Aetna) that they aren't going to scrutinize the dates in their pay outs. Obviously, every provider and insurance is different. 

I agree with AFwifelife - it is as important, if not more so, to make sure you can afford the day to day costs of a baby aside from the costs of delivery. If you can't pay your delivery bills, it will end up on your credit. If you can't afford to feed or clothe your child that is a whole lot worse. I can tell she is smart and thinking about these things, we just don't have much info to go on. 

Edit: wording

Pookieson

Just another word of warning.  I'm a mom to a million dollar baby.  I had shittier insurance then and I got hit with two deductibles.  My max out of pocket was $4000 annually.  She was born @ 28 weeks in November.  I conceived in April.  However, she was discharged from the NICU Jan 4th.  In those 4 days I got hit for an additional $4000.  This is how most insurances work BUT you would need to clarify with your insurance, not your OB.  

My insurance now is one payment and luckily our insurance is fantastic and every.single.penny is picked up in regards to maternity/prenatal care.  We pay a little more for more coverage because we know my history with pregnancy.  

We calculated how much we spend to live at our current comfort level and then calculated how much a baby would cost *worse case scenario* being I can't breast feed, etc.  We also factored in a nanny, vs day care, vs working part-time, full time etc.  If you do not have to dip into your savings to afford this stuff I say you are good (and your savings is adequate).  I have friends who could only afford the baby's needs and not the medical bills and are still paying them off.  You can still have a baby, and it is more important to feed the baby than to pay medical bills but you should understand that you may be ruining your credit if you don't have a perfect $4000 delivery.

SmileyJay

I didn't carefully reread every word OP wrote before responding each time. Either way, I want the info I have to be out there in case it can help someone else. I bet there are plenty of readers who don't comment/have accounts that are uninsured. Just last year I figured all of this out for myself because we want to have a child but the healthcare costs are a big expense. 

Everyone's situation is different and many women do not pay two deductibles, many do... I shouldn't have phrased it as if everyone doesn't, but I wasn't "talking out of my ass" in sharing my situation or information that I believe to be true (regardless of if it is true in all cases). Bottom line: OP call your insurance and doctors and be prepared to pay two deductibles regardless.

Everything @shannon1401 said is what OP needs to hear. You should try to prepare the best you can for the unexpected. 

Mysterious_wife

Crafty you are annoying. I've said it a million times. CUT YOUR POST IN HALF! They are too long and full of bullshit.

SmileyJay

@mysterious_wife - Noted. Not being snarky - seriously, I'll work on it! Long posts are probably less helpful anyways as no one would read them...

Mysterious_wife

Honestly, I skip your replies 90% of the time. If you reply to me or in my post I glance.

usarmywifetso

DH and I were the same way but reversed. He was concerned about money and I kept saying we would be fine...and we are. My philosophy is if you wait until you can "afford" to have a baby, you will never have a baby. Kids are expensive, there's no denying it. But if it's something you truly want, believe me you will figure out how to make it work. I became a SAHM when DS was born so our finances are tight but we always get everything paid.
Your DH is right, you can make payments on your medical bills. I do it all the time and have never had a problem. Also keep in mind that if you have private insurance, you have to pay the percentage of the "allowed amount" which means if the doctor tries to charge $100 but the insurance says that procedure is only worth $50, the doctor has to accept that. Just make sure you always make sure that your provider is "in network" with your insurance plan to help keep costs down.
There are a ton of sites out there about how to "have a baby on a budget" and they are actually quite helpful. Stick with generic brands whenever possible, look for hand-me-downs (from friends/family, at second hand stores, or even online), don't buy things you don't need (like tons of toys, babies are easily entertained by household objects), and don't be afraid to seek help when needed (wic can be a great resource). You can also cut down on personal spending if need be. I stopped getting my nails done and DH and I cut down on eating out. It seems simple but it saved a lot.
Becoming a mother is by far the greatest experience of my life. IMO, if you know your time is limited, I would go full speed ahead. You don't want to miss your chance because you waited for money to be just perfect. You will always find a way to make the money work. GL!

Helenahhandbasket

This is, by far, one of the strangest threads I have read in a long time.

 

sschwege

lilhenry89 said:

Thanks for the suggestions! I have so far call my insurance company and they sent us estimate sheets with how much we would pay and how much would be covered. Assuming we get pregnant as shortly as 4 months from now (big if) our deductible would start over before the baby would be born so then we would actually end up pay our deductible again on top of the hospital deductible of 250. Total it will cost us about 4,000 for prenatal and delivery out of pocket. Can we save enough.. the answer is yes.  We have already made budget cuts and only eat out once a month now. I work full time and he is PRN (as needed) Physical Therapist Assistant. I am mostly worried about hidden costs and things that we don't necessarily think about ahead of time. I want a LO so much but I am very type A and like to have debts paid in full as soon as possible. Maybe Iam stressing about it too much and I should just make sure we can afford the 4000 and trust God to help us work out the rest when the time comes. We are believing in Him for a full time job for the hubs so through all of the advice given I have come to the realization that I have been worrying instead of believing all things will happen  in God's time.  And for the one who has asked why do we think we wont be able to conceive in the future the answer is that we have (as I wrote before) gone to many different doctors on top of the specialists I have been seeing since I was 12 and they have all came to the same conclusion. I am done seeing doctors so asking for yet another doctors opinion is out of the question.

I am a person of faith and am saying this without an ounce of snark, you say "all things will happen in God's time" well then wouldn't that be the case if you decided to wait a year until you were in a better place financially?  If God intends for you to have a baby, then wouldn't He make that happen for you?  It works both ways you see?

My Grandmother used to say, "Look at the birds in the air, God will provide."  As a person of faith I remind myself of that sometimes, but only over things I can't control.  This is something you can control.  If you have a baby tomorrow will you all starve to death?  No.  But you will struggle, perhaps a lot and for no reason!  From what you have written you are so close to being in a better spot!  

It just seems from what you have written you really have your fingers crossed over a lot.  What if you need a c-section?  What if God forbid LO needs special care?  I had a picture perfect pregnancy with DS, was healthy both before/during pregnancy, delivered without so much as an IV in my arm and without warning DS was taken from my arms almost immediately and brought to Special Care Nursery.  He stayed there for 36 hours, it was unclear whether he would be able to go home with us almost till the last minute.  Thankfully all worked out fine, but even with really good insurance it was not cheap and could have been much worse!  

My SIL was told by our MIL that she was going to retire and watch their LO when he came.  All before they were even pregnant, she made that commitment.  Things changed, MIL decided not to retire and all of a sudden 2-3 days of daycare a week, something they hadn't factored into the cost of having a baby.  Even if you believe your family is sincere about watching LO, they might get sick, who knows!  

I could go on and on OP.  Cut back some more on spending, I'm betting you could trim a little more, maybe work weekends for a year?  Even just babysitting, you could probably earn an extra $50 a week babysitting one Saturday night.  That's over $2,500 extra in one year, so that brings your cushion up to $5,500 and any scaling back you can do on top of that!

badrianne

IMO if you and your husband are ready, don't wait. You never know who long getting pregnant will take. I wish I hadn't spent two years of our marriage waiting for the perfect time.

contourhands

I can relate w u- I too am type A and gate debt and all the uncertainties- it is hard for sure but you will be fine-God will give you the grace to surrender to having to struggle for a bit and having been thru it I cam say my son is with all the money in the world to me- when he is older and in school my dh and I can save money again but The Lord has blessed us with a happy, healthy child- go for it... You have a good career and you will be fine

Helenahhandbasket

contourhands said:

I can relate w u- I too am type A and gate debt and all the uncertainties- it is hard for sure but you will be fine-God will give you the grace to surrender to having to struggle for a bit and having been thru it I cam say my son is with all the money in the world to me- when he is older and in school my dh and I can save money again but The Lord has blessed us with a happy, healthy child- go for it... You have a good career and you will be fine

Ain't nobody said anything about God up in here.  You don't even know if the OP is a believer, so this is way out of line.

sschwege

Helenahhandbasket said:

contourhands said:

I can relate w u- I too am type A and gate debt and all the uncertainties- it is hard for sure but you will be fine-God will give you the grace to surrender to having to struggle for a bit and having been thru it I cam say my son is with all the money in the world to me- when he is older and in school my dh and I can save money again but The Lord has blessed us with a happy, healthy child- go for it... You have a good career and you will be fine

Ain't nobody said anything about God up in here.  You don't even know if the OP is a believer, so this is way out of line.

I do not agree at all with what pp Contourhands has written.  However, OP did mention God further down on the first page:

C & P from OP:

Maybe Iam stressing about it too much and I should just make sure we can afford the 4000 and trust God to help us work out the rest when the time comes. We are believing in Him for a full time job for the hubs so through all of the advice given I have come to the realization that I have been worrying instead of believing all things will happen  in God's time.

Helenahhandbasket

sschwege said:

Helenahhandbasket said:

contourhands said:

I can relate w u- I too am type A and gate debt and all the uncertainties- it is hard for sure but you will be fine-God will give you the grace to surrender to having to struggle for a bit and having been thru it I cam say my son is with all the money in the world to me- when he is older and in school my dh and I can save money again but The Lord has blessed us with a happy, healthy child- go for it... You have a good career and you will be fine

Ain't nobody said anything about God up in here.  You don't even know if the OP is a believer, so this is way out of line.

I do not agree at all with what pp Contourhands has written.  However, OP did mention God further down on the first page:

C & P from OP:

Maybe Iam stressing about it too much and I should just make sure we can afford the 4000 and trust God to help us work out the rest when the time comes. We are believing in Him for a full time job for the hubs so through all of the advice given I have come to the realization that I have been worrying instead of believing all things will happen  in God's time.

So she did.  So maybe that poster was closer than I though!

contourhands

sschwege said:

Helenahhandbasket said:

contourhands said:

I can relate w u- I too am type A and gate debt and all the uncertainties- it is hard for sure but you will be fine-God will give you the grace to surrender to having to struggle for a bit and having been thru it I cam say my son is with all the money in the world to me- when he is older and in school my dh and I can save money again but The Lord has blessed us with a happy, healthy child- go for it... You have a good career and you will be fine

Ain't nobody said anything about God up in here.  You don't even know if the OP is a believer, so this is way out of line.

I do not agree at all with what pp Contourhands has written.  However, OP did mention God further down on the first page:

C & P from OP:

Maybe Iam stressing about it too much and I should just make sure we can afford the 4000 and trust God to help us work out the rest when the time comes. We are believing in Him for a full time job for the hubs so through all of the advice given I have come to the realization that I have been worrying instead of believing all things will happen  in God's time.

I know the feeling- trust me I do! Best hopes and wishes to you.....trust me if all the stars had to be lined up in place for a child to be born no one would have kids- it is wise to make sure you can cover big stuff but it sounds like you have-;)

contourhands

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