advice?

sophia225

So i am beyond nervous for court..ive never been in a situation like this before and have no idea what to expect. Ive raised my lo since birth on my own with only a little bit of financial help from my BD. Hes very spacey with how he pays, only giving little bits every once in a while. I can never expect when its going to be there.hes since locked me out of our acct online and i have no way of checking to see if there is money for our lo or not. Hes getting served the paperwork this week for child support and custody. Are there any words or wisdom from anyone that has gone through this?

AdrionsMom

I went through this with my ex husband. Be prepared for angry texts or calls once he's served his court papers. But I recorded everything he did on a calendar to bring to court with me. Just remember your doing this for your babies stability

tig594

You will probably get the angry texts and all that.  But sorry, dude, if you don't pay your child support you don't really get to see your kids.  I don't know where you live or what your child support enforcement agency is called.  In Michigan it all goes through Friend of the Court.  If you call them you can probably either get access to your account or set up your own account (if they have all that online) and see what your account status is, what payments have been made, how much he owes, etc.  I'd suggest doing that as it's SO much easier going online that spending 3 hours trying to get through to the child support office.  

As far as court goes, do you have an attorney?  If not I'd try to get one just to cover your arse.  In Michigan, once the order is set you can't get a review for 3 years unless there is a significant change in someone's pay.  And if it's his pay you'll have to be able to prove it somehow.  As far as custody, you want to make sure you get what you want NOW because it's really hard to get the custody order changed later.  If the kids are being abused you might be able to get an emergency order.  Otherwise, you have to have concrete proof that the kids are being neglected or whatever.  You can't just go in and say, "Hey, my kids aren't happy with their dad and don't want to go see him anymore."  The court doesn't care and feels both parents should have parenting time.  

If you don't have an attorney make sure your child support agency knows what you want and has all the correct job history/salary info for BOTH of you. Also provide them with correct medical info and who pays what for that and day care expenses.  But you really should have an attorney for this round.  It's the most important one.  Also, where I live both parties have 21 days to file a motion disputing the first order that's put in place.  And don't forget to figure out who claims who on taxes each year if think you're going to get 50/50 custody.  That's important.

Court wasn't really that bad.  It goes fast so make sure your ducks are all in a row.  I think we were in front of the judge for no more than 5 minutes.  

sophia225

Thank you for all your advice, I do have a lawyer who is helping me with all of this but the entire process is new to me so i wasnt sure what to expect. Once the child support is in line im going to open a separate account so that it is just in my name and i only have access to it. I think itll make things  a lot easier. As for the custody part of it, im not sure what is going to happen there. If he is granted visitation i dont know how the judge will rule..BD works out of state and is only home for a day or so a month. He never asks calls to ask how DD is doing. Im hoping i get full cusotdy for DD especially since BD  is never home and his family is unstable. I am also the one who claims her on my taxes, that was something we settled before DD was born. I cant thank you enough for taking the time to help me out!

tig594

You need to have the tax thing in your custody/support order whether you guys agreed on it or not.

eg214

Agree with tig. EVERYTHING has to be in writing...like you are dealing with an illiterate child. And I mean EVERYTHING. I am having our order drawn up in baby speak aka every detail mentioned. His proposal was very generic and I'm not risking jail time bc I chose to follow it a certain way or whatever and I'm not letting him have free reign bc he will push it to the limit.

As far as court goes, I think its nervewracking for anyone. I was sad/nervous a bit just going to fill out the PPW last week bc I knew what was coming and that I'd have to see him there in a few months...after like a year of not. For me, I think reminding myself he is prob nervous as well and that everyone has to go through this is going to help.

And yes...our hearings are 6 minutes unless trial and then God only knows.

Oh and yes on the putting everything in. Life insurance, who pays for braces, reimbursing for medical, holidays, all of it in case you can't get back to a judge.

sophia225

Thank you ladies!