Children's book instead of card for shower

Lizmullen

Had my shower this weekend. 1 pack of diaper and a million children's books. It seemed like a cute idea when my shower hostess told me about it but as a first time mom I don't feel as prepared.

Lots of my family's older friends misunderstood the idea. Lots bought more than one book.

Really I felt rude that they were asked to go out of their way for books!

Not trying to sound ungrateful but just a heads up if any of you ladies showers involved this!

mrsbtobe20122

Can you exchange the books at a store that has other things? Sorry you didn't get the gifts you wanted.

Mimaloo

I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say. Are you trying to say that a book instead of a card is rude? Or everyone brought books and no other gifts so now you don't have anything? Something else entirely? 

MrsT2008

I'm confused too.  No one forced your guests to buy a book even if that was the idea.  And even so, they did it knowing that books cost money (and not much money at that, childrens' books aren't that expensive).  If they bought more than one, that's even less of your concern, IMO.  They're all grown-ups

Lizmullen

It was about 50% books and 50% other gifts.
I was vague because it could be taken the wrong way.

Just wanted to let others who might be doing that idea as well know how it turned out! And to discourage it really

FlemDance

I've been to showers before where it was done, and I thought it was cute. The invitation was very clear about it being books in lieu of cards. I actually preferred buying a book vs a card. Cards get thrown away or tucked away in a box. Books actually get used so I thought it was great!

mrsbtobe20122

Lizmullen said:

It was about 50% books and 50% other gifts.
I was vague because it could be taken the wrong way.

Just wanted to let others who might be doing that idea as well know how it turned out! And to discourage it really

You mean only 50% of your gifts were "acceptable"? I think we were taking it exactly how you meant it.

fatbarbie0226

I think OP just wanted books instead of cards, and that she needed diapers and clothes and other baby essentials as well. But her guests misunderstood and just brought books for their entire gift.

OP, you are sounding a little ungrateful. Some of us don't even get to have baby showers and buy every single diaper and wipe for our baby all on our own. Your guests were very kind to attend your shower and abide by your wishes of bringing books. I think you will learn to treasure those books more as your baby gets older. You can put alot of those away and give them to your LO for birthdays and other holidays. Books are a gift that keeps on giving.

MusicATWork

Just for the record, complaining about the gifts you got/didn't get at your shower makes you come off sounding super ungrateful... A shower is not an obligation, be grateful for what you received!

tjkdlhb

I like the idea of the book instead of a card... since cards usually get thrown away.  I think the next time I am invited to a shower, I will do this independently (instead of the card... a gift or money will be given too).  However, I wouldn't want it written on an invitation. 

At my shower for DD, the 'guest book' was a Curious George book that everybody signed.  It is a great souvenir.

IBackBevo

Maybe it is just me, but I didn't take it that she was ungrateful. I just got that she was saying that it was a bad idea, resulted in her getting a ton of books and few things she needs now and felt like it was rude asking the guests for a specific type of gift. Basically, all the reasons most of us already know that this is a bad idea.

And, personally, while I am always grateful for gifts, I admit that it annoys me a little when I get gifts for DS that we cannot use now and we just end up having to store for the next couple of years. My in laws are notorious for buying DS things that are not age appropriate. For Christmas, they probably gave him $200+ worth of toys and not a single one was age appropriate. He was 15 months at the time and all the3+ toys (including a badketball goal) are now filling up half of a bedroom that really can't be used for anything because it is full of toys.

FunSizeGrl

We had books instead of cards at our shower. It turned out really well. Actually didn't even get any repeat books which was surprising. But I can see how maybe it could be misunderstood if it weren't worded right.

Mimaloo

IBackBevo said:

Maybe it is just me, but I didn't take it that she was ungrateful. I just got that she was saying that it was a bad idea, resulted in her getting a ton of books and few things she needs now and felt like it was rude asking the guests for a specific type of gift. Basically, all the reasons most of us already know that this is a bad idea. And, personally, while I am always grateful for gifts, I admit that it annoys me a little when I get gifts for DS that we cannot use now and we just end up having to store for the next couple of years. My in laws are notorious for buying DS things that are not age appropriate. For Christmas, they probably gave him $200+ worth of toys and not a single one was age appropriate. He was 15 months at the time and all the3+ toys (including a badketball goal) are now filling up half of a bedroom that really can't be used for anything because it is full of toys.

Oh I'm guilty of this. Whenever I go to a baby shower or when buying birthday/Christmas gifts for kids, I always get something that's the next size/level/age up. I figure that everyone is already buying stuff they can play with now so I like to get things for later. I always assumed that parents would appreciate having one less thing to buy later on.

I think someone told me eons ago that this is what you should do, and it's just something that always stuck in my head. 

As for OP, I actually did take it as "ugh I got too many books and not enough 'stuff' and that sucks".  

RedInLove

When everyone is doing a book because the invite said to, and the MTB hasn't registered for books (maybe MTB doesn't know this request is being put on the invites), I can see where the chance of getting multiples of the same title is high, especially more popular titles. Then, if a lot of guests personalize the book with a note of some kind, now that book can't be exchanged for another title. That's a big reason I'm not a fan of that request being made. I think ff MTB wants books, she would register for books.

Overall, I'm just not a fan of the "bring a ______" in addition to your gift trend - books, diapers, cash, etc., I've heard several examples on these boards and sometimes more than one for the same shower. Some books cost more than cards. I can get a card for $0.99, or I can make one for pennies. So now a book is going to cost me more than the card. Also, I plan on saving all the cards I get. I saved the cards from our bridal shower and wedding as well, in addition to the guest book. They might be tucked away, but they will be saved or crafted into a keepsake of some kind.

IBackBevo

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

britab

I think the book instead of card idea sounds cute but unless you've researched baby showers lately, a lot of people don't get it. They tried to do it at a friend's shower and some people brought 10 books and others none.

I'm a teacher and kids books are often way more than I'd spent on a card. I'm a 99 cents or 2/$1 card shopper.

softservecity

LOVE the book idea! But, being a reading teacher I would :-) I want our LO to have a whole library in the room at birth. I've even considered labeling the baskets like I have in my classroom but realized that a baby/toddler would care nothing about organizing books into fiction/non-fiction. Lol! OP, if you're very concerned about what you don't have, exchange what you can. Remember that if your baby has a place to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear then you're good to go!
Edited for spelling

MrsT2008

IBackBevo said:

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

Haha, well, my DD played with and loved the basketball hoop that my parents had at their house for her last summer (at my suggestion) and she was 18-20 months last summer.

IBackBevo

MrsT2008 said:

IBackBevo said:

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

Haha, well, my DD played with and loved the basketball hoop that my parents had at their house for her last summer (at my suggestion) and she was 18-20 months last summer.

She must be more advanced than my DS because he can't even pick up a basketball. Certainly, he doesn't have the ability to throw one or make a basket. I got my first basketball and hoop when I was 8.

RachelCA29

IBackBevo said:

Maybe it is just me, but I didn't take it that she was ungrateful. I just got that she was saying that it was a bad idea, resulted in her getting a ton of books and few things she needs now and felt like it was rude asking the guests for a specific type of gift. Basically, all the reasons most of us already know that this is a bad idea. And, personally, while I am always grateful for gifts, I admit that it annoys me a little when I get gifts for DS that we cannot use now and we just end up having to store for the next couple of years. My in laws are notorious for buying DS things that are not age appropriate. For Christmas, they probably gave him $200+ worth of toys and not a single one was age appropriate. He was 15 months at the time and all the3+ toys (including a badketball goal) are now filling up half of a bedroom that really can't be used for anything because it is full of toys.

This is how I understood it to. I think @Lizmullen was kind of saying "it sounds like a cute idea, but in reality it just forces guests to get you a certain type of gift instead of picking what they might just think you want/need". I don't think she was complaining about getting the books or other gifts, but she thought it felt rude when guests were confused about the book request and might have changed their planned gift.

I don't know, just giving her the benefit of the doubt ...

ETA: I think when people say "they didn't get what they needed" as shower gifts they mean it more as in, it's nice to get gifts picked out from other moms/people with experience because they might have a better idea of what you "need" for a baby than you would as a FTM. So it's less expecting people to buy you everything you personally need for a baby, and more like, "it would have been nice if people bought me what they thought I needed".

MrsT2008

IBackBevo said:

MrsT2008 said:

IBackBevo said:

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

Haha, well, my DD played with and loved the basketball hoop that my parents had at their house for her last summer (at my suggestion) and she was 18-20 months last summer.

She must be more advanced than my DS because he can't even pick up a basketball. Certainly, he doesn't have the ability to throw one or make a basket. I got my first basketball and hoop when I was 8.

Are you talking about a real ball and hoop? I was talking about a little tikes one that is like 4 feet tall and a ball Taft is like the size of a softball...

Sdufort1216

I used to like the idea but I feel it is a bit rude to have guests buy a book plus a gift.... gets expensive !

IBackBevo

MrsT2008 said:

IBackBevo said:

MrsT2008 said:

IBackBevo said:

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

Haha, well, my DD played with and loved the basketball hoop that my parents had at their house for her last summer (at my suggestion) and she was 18-20 months last summer.

She must be more advanced than my DS because he can't even pick up a basketball. Certainly, he doesn't have the ability to throw one or make a basket. I got my first basketball and hoop when I was 8.

Are you talking about a real ball and hoop? I was talking about a little tikes one that is like 4 feet tall and a ball Taft is like the size of a softball...

Yeah. I don't know if it is NBA size or anything, but it is not for a toddler. He did have an old basketball out of DH'S (from high school) one time and was sort of kicking it around, but he can't really dribble it or anything. He mainly just kind of rolls it. Maybe this is where they got the idea...idk, but right now it is just taking up space. It would have been a nice present in about 2-3 years. I guess it is the thought that counts...

Allibob

@Ibackbevo My IL's always do the same, claiming DD is "advanced". I have a special box for most of their toys anyways, that only comes out when they visit. They're "special".

I dislike the idea of telling people what to bring to a shower, be it books or diapers, etc. I find it less offensive if it is a books only shower (per parent's request), or if there's an optional raffle for those who bring a pack of diapers. If OP feels the message was not clear & people felt compelled to bring only books (when that was not her intent), I can see her point in warning others to be cautious.

MrsT2008

IBackBevo said:

@Mimaloo - With my in-laws, it is not just the next size or age up. It is like stuff we can't use for two or three or more years. Literally, one of his presents was a basketball goal. For a 15 month old? Really? And they brought him this huge Lego set and then the next time they came over were asking why we didn't have it out. Ugh, maybe because he is 15 months old and right now Legos are nothing but projectiles and choking hazards. Even more annoying, I gave them suggestions for Christmas presents because they asked and I knew their tendency to not get him age appropriate toys. But, of course, they didn't follow my suggestions.

Haha, well, my DD played with and loved the basketball hoop that my parents had at their house for her last summer (at my suggestion) and she was 18-20 months last summer.

She must be more advanced than my DS because he can't even pick up a basketball. Certainly, he doesn't have the ability to throw one or make a basket. I got my first basketball and hoop when I was 8.

Are you talking about a real ball and hoop? I was talking about a little tikes one that is like 4 feet tall and a ball Taft is like the size of a softball...

Yeah. I don't know if it is NBA size or anything, but it is not for a toddler. He did have an old basketball out of DH'S (from high school) one time and was sort of kicking it around, but he can't really dribble it or anything. He mainly just kind of rolls it. Maybe this is where they got the idea...idk, but right now it is just taking up space. It would have been a nice present in about 2-3 years. I guess it is the thought that counts...

ooooh.  hahaha.  yeah, that is definitely odd.  I assumed you meant a toddler one!  I would hate that!

IBackBevo

kitchencolors said:

@IBackBevo... just you wait.  They'll probably roll up with a golf cart for him next Christmas.

I just died laughing! Probably so!

gutsysneakers

My sister is throwing my shower and she asked if I wanted books instead of cards. I told her absolutely! She made it clearly obvious as it was on a separate piece of stationary in the invitation. 

It read "Just one last request, and we hope it's not hard, please bring Baby _____ a book instead of a card. By signing your book, we will remember and share your special gift even when you're not there." 

haylo33

I understand what OP is saying. Sounds like people bought 4 or 5 books as a gift. I know gifts are an awesome bonus, but I have not purchased much because I figure I will get a lot at the shower and go from there. It would be overwhelming to realize I needed to buy a lot a few weeks before my due date. My sister put on my invitation "bring a pack of diapers if you would like a chance to win a door prize". I thought this was a good way to word it. Giving them the option

lfleming84

I agree that it is all in the wording. My girlfriends and mom are doing this for my shower. There was an insert in the invite that said something like "if you wish to bring your favorite children's book in lieu of a card, please use the enclosed book plate to write a special note to mom, dad and baby". This gave people the option if they wanted to just do a card and will also solve the possible issue of duplicate copies of the same book. The girls will paste the book plates into just one copy of the book. Any duplicates can be given to charity or go to grandmas house.

deanna1313

That's a shame that there was confusion. I have never thought of the book in lieu of a card as rude. It really stinks that you didn't get things off of your registry. It must have been worded very strangely for that to happen.

Lizmullen

Jcrewgirl85 said:

My sister is throwing my shower and she asked if I wanted books instead of cards. I told her absolutely! She made it clearly obvious as it was on a separate piece of stationary in the invitation. 

It read "Just one last request, and we hope it's not hard, please bring Baby _____ a book instead of a card. By signing your book, we will remember and share your special gift even when you're not there." 

Exact same wording my cousin who threw my shower used...

Thanks to you ladies who understood where I was coming from! I love the books people gave a lot of them are super sentimental and I even cried opening one. I'm just warning that I felt that it could be confusing and rude to guests!

Fitpreggo

My shower e-invites went out yesterday...I had no idea what they were doing for them but I got sent a copy to my email.  I opened it up and read it and I saw they had included this little quote ....I personally think it is adorable and am looking forward to getting a few books ... especially if they take the time to write a little message on the inside (which I never thought of for some reason)...   

Although cards are nice with their sentimentand prayer,
They're read once or twice then tucked awaywith care.
A book is a treasure, words and pictures unite
Read over and over to teach and delight.
So instead of a card for Baby XXXX andmother,
Please give a child's book with your thoughts in the cover.
Your book will be cherished; God will watch from above,
When it's read they will remember yourkindness and love.

MissLadyTay

All I'm going to say is that at age three, my son reads the books I got at my shower every day. We don't use any of the other stuff. Books are cool by me.

runningyogimama

I was slightly mortified that MIL did this for my shower for DD without my knowledge. I'd registered for (and already received) many books, and I felt rude requesting an additional, specific gift from people when they could see I already wanted them from my registry. Also, many people didn't feel comfortable actually writing in a book, so many people just stuck a note inside the card (I guess they felt weird forgoing the card?), so they really did buy an additional gift, and I felt guilty and rude the entire shower even though I didn't know about it ahead of time.

Christinaruth74

anyone wanna talk about diaper raffles while we're at it?

MamaPiers

I just had my shower and my mom did the book instead of card thing in the invite! We got lots of lovely books for baby's library and some people brought cards too! I was overwhelmed by my guests generosity and received most of the items on my registry. DH and I were so touched and are filled with gratitude. Our baby has so many people who love him or her already and it is such a wonderful feeling.

IBackBevo

@kitchencolors - If I was not on my mobile, I would post a dead horse gif.

Fitpreggo

I have got e-vites to quite a few baby showers and I never really thought twice about it. They are super cute and I like receiving them! each to their own I guess. I don't think there is a right vs wrong way to invite someone. If they are offended by an electronic invitation they can decline

caballo718

My sister did this for my upcoming shower. I love the idea! That sucks that people misinterpreted it.

Roufi

@ibackbevo our LO isn't here yet, and at Christmas he had already received 18 mo toys from H's family! He will be 8 months next Christmas and I'm wondering if that's when he gets the dirtbike and tattoos lol.
I think that sometimes people just get so excited imagining how cute something is/how much they would enjoy something that they might forget their audience. It's a sweet thought but this stuff will be collecting dust for a while...

MommaG1111

I am doing the book instead of card thing- my whole shower is children book themed... I figured it would be nice as my baby will get to keep all the books, and I can read them to her through the years. Cards (as we all know) are tossed and I want to have keepsakes. I also added my registry to my shower invite, however all the big items I already purchased so my registry is pretty much just fun stuff, toys, blankets, etc.