was I too harsh?

rslhmg

We were visiting at dhs moms today and sil asked my due date for dd2. When I told her May, she said lo just needed to get her already.. She said the same thing weeks before I had to be induced with DD2, which I nicely reminded her and asked her not to say it again. I told her we don't want another one going through what DD did. Her response "she turned out fine". I don't know if its pregnancy hormones or if it's just having gone through everything we did with Dd, but before I could stop myself I told SIL we were almost planning a funeral instead of bringing DD home. We did nearly lose dd several times in the hospital, but I'm starting to wonder if I might have been a little harsh with sil by pointing that out. Its not something I even like to remember myself, so I'm feeling kind of like a jerk for saying it to her. I know her comment was made from a lack of understanding what dd went through, but at the same time, I don't want anyone trying to rush this lo for any reason.

KTZ17

No, you weren't too harsh. People do not understand what it's like for preemie parents and make idiotic comments. When SIL was 39 weeks pregnant she told me she wanted her boyfriend to put her out of her misery. Really? How can you refer to being full term as misery when you're talking to someone who couldn't hold her baby for 3 days or leave the hospital with her baby? Anyway, I think it was good you put a stop to her thoughtless comments. Hopefully she won't say anything like that again.

PurpleIris30

Good for you. Maybe it will make her think next time and get why that was a really insensitive thing to say.

rslhmg

Thanks ladies, I don't feel so bad about saying it now. It just kills me a little that I'm only 27w3d and she wants to rush my baby out now. As crazy as it sounds, I don't want anyone voicing those kinds of opinions, they just feel like a huge jinx. Honestly, mils opinions are the ones i like hearing, she's convinced if she says this ones going to term enough out loud thats what will happen (I hope shes right lol).

KTZ17

I hope she's right, too, and you get to be huge and uncomfortable and have a nice chubby baby!! That's my dream :-)

PhillyGal34

You asked nicely and she didn't respect it. Not only do I think what you said was ok, I don't think it was harsh enough. Wanting a baby to be doing well from the start isn't too much to ask for. I'm assuming she has no kids. She's in for a harsh reality when she's pregnant and suddenly feels the fear.

abwatts

Oh no you were totally in the right! Pp is right, ignorance is not a get out of jail free card and people need to start being more thoughtful of what they are saying in front of others. Period. Good for you for shedding some light on the harsh reality you went through!!

I'm with your mil.. Because I was carrying twins people always told me they didn't think I would make it to term and I got upset.. And my mother would go shopping and talk about how "cute" preemie clothes are... Don't put those vibes out there!

Now she goes on about how "cute" the diapers are and I remind her that we wish we didn't know how small diapers could be.. She just needs another freaking tiny dog.. Ugh

May you go over due and have to be induced!! Hugs!!

flerlgirl

I mean, just because your DD is fine now doesn't negate the experiences you went through with her. That is really ignorant of your SIL to say. I have found that now that DS is a "regular" baby, people want to sweep his NICU stay and issues under the rug. No idea why, but it's something that has happened quite a bit. But what your DD went through is part of who she is and you shouldn't have to pretend like it was okay. So I vote "not too harsh" and I hope that this LO stays put for many more weeks. 

rslhmg

PhillyGal34 said:

 I'm assuming she has no kids. She's in for a harsh reality when she's pregnant and suddenly feels the fear.

No children of her own, she's also the baby of the family and just turned 20, so it will most likely be awhile before she has kids of her own to understand from that perspective. She did stay with us the first couple weeks after DD finally came home to help out (she was actually an awesome helper), but she was ready to go home after DDs first real reflux episode at home. It leaves me a little amazed that she can see THAT (DD choking, not breathing, turning colors) and STILL say this one needs to get here now, it even had me froze in panic (DH, thank god, stepped in and took over like a pro). I guess not being the parent, its easier to selectively remember things.
Honestly, I feel like if anyone is going to have any right or reason to complain about it "taking to long", it would be me, but I don't feel like its taking too long. It's really going too fast, feels like we just found out yesterday and I'm already 27wks.  I'm just trying to figure out how to enjoy being pregnant instead of being constantly worried about what might happen.

PhillyGal34

It's like telling a cancer survivor to get over it. People don't get it.

Eta- my father is currently in remission. We found out about his cancer 1 week after ds was released from nicu. So I'm not saying this in jest.

rslhmg

That's awesome about your father! Being in remission, I mean, cancer is a very serious and frightening illness.

JuliaAndPete

If you feel bad about what you said she must feel like a piece of sh*t!