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Natural Birth
NYGirl02
member
Bradley class timing and doula issues (long)
NYGirl02
member
So, despite my best efforts to explain the role of a doula, DH is having a tough time with it emotionally. He keeps saying, "we are not letting my parents in the delivery room, why would we let an additional stranger in the room?" He also is completely convinced that they do the job he should be doing and that it means he is somehow inadequate in supporting me. Totally not the case. He is a rock star husband. He is, however beginning to come around to the idea. This is because we are staying with our current practice, who are really great, however the hospital where they deliver is not known to be the best NB hospital around here. We had planned to switch to the dr in town who is "they guy" everyone around here seems to go to for NB. Many of my friends seem to prefer him over the hospital based midwives. Unfortunately, we found out they don't take my insurance even though I double and triple checked that they did before officially choosing the plan. DH sees slightly more value in hiring a doula now, since we will be at a place where more advocacy and having the support of a doula might be even more helpful. He wants to hire whoever our Bradley instructor ends up being. (I've spoken to two, and both do offer birth doula services) He also wants to wait to make the final decision after we start classes to see how much support he thinks we really need. This would be fine, but have a couple concerns with waiting too long to hire.
1.) our first choice for the Bradley class is beginning in June and ending first week in September. I'm due 9/19. We prefer this class because it is in the summer when DH will be off work (teacher) and it is on Monday nights, and I don't work Mondays or Tuesdays, so it would be less chaotic. Also, it would be easier to find a babysitter because we could hire a teenager to come to the house and they might be more available in the summers. It's also very close, about 10-15 minutes away.
2.) the other Bradley class is starting beginning of April. It's about 25-30 minutes away and on Tuesday nights, so I would be getting home late and have to work the next morning. One pro is that I have met this instructor in person already and liked her. The class would be ending the end of June, leaving me with 2.5 months left. I also went to a full 42 weeks last time and was induced with hardly any signs of anything starting on its own. I know every pregnancy is different, but my instinct is that I am prone to long pregnancies like my mom who was 42-43 weeks with all 3 of her kids. So my guess would be I would be finishing up this class a full 3 months before delivery. This instructor does, however, allow former students to attend some of the classes in another session if they so choose. So, we could probably get some refreshers closer to delivery.
My concern is that if we take the June class, it will be late in the game when DH decides finally if he's comfortable with a doula. I think a Bradley instructor is a good choice for a doula, however, I have met a few other doulas that I think would be great also, and have more experience with my OB practice. I just want to keep an open mind. I worry that waiting might limit our options for doulas that would be the best fit simply because they could be booked up.
I'd really like DH to go to the meet the doulas event coming up because then he could meet some of them and just get a sense for their personalities. He however, is being a major grinch about that. He hates meet ups like that and dislikes anything where he feels he is being sold something. I've been to these things. There is no pressure, but he has a very broad definition of sales pitches. It's beyond aggravating!
So, would you lean towards taking the summer Bradley class knowing that my options for a doula could be slightly more limited and just hope for the best? Or, would you prefer taking the class on the early side leaving more time to hire a doula and hopefully have a bigger pool to choose from to ensure the best fit.
If you made it through all this, you deserve a cookie!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bradley class timing and doula issues (long)
As for the class options I think #2 is best. Even though you were 42+ and induced last time that is no indication that you will be the same this time. I expected to go to 41w with my first as that is the average for a FTM. I went into labor on my own at 39w4d. I think getting the classes started and having some time at the end is the way I would go.
My H felt the way yours did in the beginning when I first brought up a doula. He did not like the idea of an unknown person in the room. However, we meet and spoke with 2 of them and they made him see how they were there to help him help me. They were not going to overstep him and would stay in the background until he or I needed them. A good doula will respect your H and work with him to help you.
In my labor our doula was a life saver. We took the Bradley classes and were prepared for the normal but labor is unpredictable. I felt the urge to push when I was only 8.5 cm. I was terrified and the nurse had me fight the urge to push. My H and no idea what to do. My doula talked me through contractions and helped me not push. She knew what I was feeling and how to breathe/position myself better to resist the pushing. I also freaked out when pushing LO. She had a nuchal hand and I felt like I was being ripped open. I was terrified and frantic. My H zoned out and my doula had to step in and calm me down. My H to this day attributes our birth to her and how important she was. He was really glad we had her there to help. I suggest getting your H to meet with the doulas (as much as he does not want to). Meeting with them really helped get my H on board.
Deep inside I knew that I wanted the classes & our doula group & would do whatever it took to save the money b/c it is a heavety investment out of pocket.
My husband and I talked a lot about it, some great conversations and other heated debates. He also didn't understand the value of the investment at 1st. It wasn't until after meeting them and hearing what they do and how they do it that he was more convinced and understood why it was so important to me after some less heated discussion. He did enjoy the class with our doulas, which also gave us an opportunity to get to know them better. I was around 27 or 30 weeks when the 6 week class began. It was nice to have it then.
I had our daughter last TR and we could not have done it without our doula. This was our first birth experience and would not change a thing. My husband reflected on our experience and said , when u think u know something about NB u don't and that's why u get a doula. He also thinks that now that we've done it maybe next time it could just be us. I would still prefer to have them. ; ).
Our hospital is very NB friendly, however, she was able to advocate for us when it came to monitoring so I could move around. B/C of her experience she was able to anticipate our needs that we didn't event know existed. She was also able to provide relief through non-pharmalogical techniques and continued to keep me focus when the times got tough. B/C she was not a family member she could be objective and our hospital staff knows her doula group well. So she is respected as a birth educator and support for parents, which is also easier to take suggestions from if we're being honest.
My suggestion to you is discuss this with your H at a time that is not stressful. Consider letting him know u would like to talk about it and set aside some time or a date night. I'm sure ur H wants the best for u and this birth. Tell him that you would like to fully understand his concerns and also why it's so important to u. This will u give u both an opportunity to discuss what is important to u about this birth that is different or the same as ur precious birth. I would also discuss the importance of building your L&D team for the success of your NB. While u can do it with just ur husband, having a doula really enhances the experience that we had. I was able to receive the warmth, touch, and support of my H, while I focusing on the voice of my doula when we didn't know what to do or expect in the process. Having a doula also took pressure off my H. It allowed him to be in the process yet not panic when he didn't know What to do. Maybe even ask to speak to other dads within ur doula practice that would be willing to share with ur H. If he knows how important it is to you, he may be willing to listen more than u think but it's also crucial to share both ur concerns, fears and desires for this birth. Remember to discuss where u feel ur family fits into this process if any before, during and after. where can they be moat helpful? You know what u need to be successful. I do agree that hiring a doula after discussion with ur H is priority as they book quickly.
Sorry for the long post. I hope this is helpful. Good luck!