November 2012 Moms

Having a bad week

So I'm having a really bad, no good week. Things with work were rough to say the least, I got to spend zero time with the baby this week which really upsets me, I've gotten zero sleep this past week due to waking up in panic attacks, and I was supposed to have dinner with a friend I haven't seen in forever, which I was really looking forward to.

Well long story short, I never heard from my friend whom I was supposed to go out with to find out she went out without me. This is the same friend that wanted me to have a baby so we could get the babies together, she has a daughter a little older than mine, and we could do more things together, and I haven't seen her since Emma was born. I don't know if I should be hurt that I'm forgotten that easily or that we grew apart that easily after having the baby. I mean the whole reason we tried was because she wanted me too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't change having Emma for the world, but I thought I would at least have a friend that I could do fun stuff with while having the kids. I don't have that many friends down here and I was really looking forward to tonight, but I should know that when she makes plans, she usually doesn't follow through with them. 

Maybe I'm reading more into this and feeling sorry for myself but I dunno. Just thought I'd share and vent. Thanks for listening.
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Re: Having a bad week

  • So I'm having a really bad, no good week. Things with work were rough to say the least, I got to spend zero time with the baby this week which really upsets me, I've gotten zero sleep this past week due to waking up in panic attacks, and I was supposed to have dinner with a friend I haven't seen in forever, which I was really looking forward to.


    Well long story short, I never heard from my friend whom I was supposed to go out with to find out she went out without me. This is the same friend that wanted me to have a baby so we could get the babies together, she has a daughter a little older than mine, and we could do more things together, and I haven't seen her since Emma was born. I don't know if I should be hurt that I'm forgotten that easily or that we grew apart that easily after having the baby. I mean the whole reason we tried was because she wanted me too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't change having Emma for the world, but I thought I would at least have a friend that I could do fun stuff with while having the kids. I don't have that many friends down here and I was really looking forward to tonight, but I should know that when she makes plans, she usually doesn't follow through with them. 

    Maybe I'm reading more into this and feeling sorry for myself but I dunno. Just thought I'd share and vent. Thanks for listening.
    Kind of hoping I'm reading this wrong. The whole reason you tried for a baby was because your friend wanted you to? I don't even know what to say to that.
    As for your friend being flakey, it happens. I have many mom friends like that. They say one thing and do another. There's always excuses to not hang out but then they always say that we should hang out. It is what it is. I wouldn't linger on it. Try to make some other mommy friends.
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  • I feel you on having a bad week (or day or month) I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

    I can make a guess that had you not had such a crappy work week and lack of sleep and all you might be able to put the friend thing in a different light and not be as upset about it all, friends flake.  (I flake sometimes too when I just don't have it in me) ... but it sounds like that once you one beacon of light for the week :(

    I can pretty much say I am sure you didn't say to your hubby "sarah wants us to have a baby so they can play together OK" and that started your childbearing adventure... but I hear you when you expected to have this community of support that isn't there... I thought me and my close friends would all raise our kids together and they would be the best of friends.... parenting seems to change all your ideals!

    I hope you can find some special times with the LO this weekend and start next week on a better foot

    A little veterinary andedote:  When I worked at the hospital in HS I lost a cat who was boarding with us for 5 hours... no one told me he knew how to open the cage doors... he hid in the supply room in the bottom of a fluorescent light box!  And one of the techs thought it would be funny to make it look like on of the cats in the freezer tried to claw out of the bag on my first solo sunday shift. 

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  • I'm sorry you had a terrible week. I can relate to friends flaking and disappearing. It sucks. Ive lost two friends who were my maids of honor at my wedding. over stupid, ridiculousness. But the reality that I'm learning is that people aren't always who you think they are.

    Try to turn your week around this weekend. Plan something special with DD and DH. Let DD smile lift your spirits and know next week can be different!
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  • So sorry. Your panic attacks concern me. Sleep is very important. Your job doesn't sound family friendly at all. Stress is terrible for your health honey. Hopefully you can make some changes. I'm so done with flakey friends . Time to make some new ones . Like @ jg1011 I no longer speak to two of my bridesmaids over stupid shit. It sucks but I got over it. Address those attacks!
  • Sorry! I hope you feel better soon. I know how hard it is with the friends, I have almost no mom friends and some flaky friends too. It hurts sometimes when I realize my LO is over one and some friends and family have to made the effort to even meet her. I agree with PPs that you should look into the panic attacks. We are here for you Ina creepy internet way!
  • So I'm having a really bad, no good week. Things with work were rough to say the least, I got to spend zero time with the baby this week which really upsets me, I've gotten zero sleep this past week due to waking up in panic attacks, and I was supposed to have dinner with a friend I haven't seen in forever, which I was really looking forward to.

    Well long story short, I never heard from my friend whom I was supposed to go out with to find out she went out without me. This is the same friend that wanted me to have a baby so we could get the babies together, she has a daughter a little older than mine, and we could do more things together, and I haven't seen her since Emma was born. I don't know if I should be hurt that I'm forgotten that easily or that we grew apart that easily after having the baby. I mean the whole reason we tried was because she wanted me too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't change having Emma for the world, but I thought I would at least have a friend that I could do fun stuff with while having the kids. I don't have that many friends down here and I was really looking forward to tonight, but I should know that when she makes plans, she usually doesn't follow through with them. 

    Maybe I'm reading more into this and feeling sorry for myself but I dunno. Just thought I'd share and vent. Thanks for listening.
    Kind of hoping I'm reading this wrong. The whole reason you tried for a baby was because your friend wanted you to? I don't even know what to say to that. As for your friend being flakey, it happens. I have many mom friends like that. They say one thing and do another. There's always excuses to not hang out but then they always say that we should hang out. It is what it is. I wouldn't linger on it. Try to make some other mommy friends.
    I didn't explain myself quite right. DH and I were talking about trying and she had been saying for about a year prior that we should try and have a baby. Sorry that was my fault. It wasn't like one day she showed up and was like oh have a baby and I was like sure. There was planning that went into it.

    As for the panic attacks, I don't know I'm having them, I'll just sit straight up and freak out on DH, he's told me multiple times that I'm doing it and it's usually about the baby. I'm going to try melatonin and see if that helps if not I'll look into something more.

    Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts though. I really appreciate it and having the support system of this.
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  • It sounds like the crap actions of your friend and your crap work week aside, you have other things that are really bothering you. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having panic attacks. Have you been able to spend anytime examining why they might be happening? Are the stresses really apparent? If so, is there anything you can do to dial them back?

    I was once given really good advice about panic. Two good pieces of advice, actually. The first came from a really big deal scientist who studies panic and he described it as a good adaptation that is, technically, always good. He then went on to describe this scenario where I"m walking by a table and hear a tiger roar and then proceed to have a surge of adrenalin, fast heart rate, and become jumpy and reactive. Then he said, "what if there is no tiger and this happens? Is it a waste of energy? No, because the panic cost you a 100 or so calories, whereas getting eaten by a tiger - unlikely though it may be - costs 300 000 calories". The way he described that - the adaptive nature of panic - made me feel kind of chill. Don't get me wrong - I'm not arguing that panic attacks are not difficult and harmful. I'm just saying that when he said this to me, it alleviated part of my anxiety about being anxious.

     The second piece of advice I was given, and this might be more useful, was to do this little exercise whenever I was going through a super stressful time and I would find myself barking at people. Basically, I was told to grab a piece of paper anytime I panicked or got really angry or really sad and write out the scenario in little columns. First I'd write a sentence describing what I did (e.g. barked) three words describing how I felt, with percentages (60% seriously pi$$ed, 10% worried etc). Then I would write a few sentenced describing the events immediately proceeding my actions, and in the next column I would write down the thoughts that instantly came to my mind after those events happened. In the next column I would decide whether or not my actions were rational. If they were not I'd write down in the next column what I could try in the future. In the last column I'd write three words about how I felt at that minute, with percentages. Usually I felt a lot better. I did this about 30 times in total over the course of a few months and while the stresses remained, I barked a lot less.

    Of course, if your panic attacks are happening while you are half-conscious, then none of this applies to you.

    In anycase - re: your friend, someone standing you up is hurtful. It's fine to be hurt. Some people really can't manage their friendships in a responsible way when they start dating someone new, or move or start a family. I think after a hard week, with the added guilt and sadness about not getting to see your baby, your reaction to being left out is quite rational. I mean, she stood you up. The trick here, I think is figuring out three things 1) was it a malicious act? In which case, you don't need that shiz. 2) was it suitably insensitive that she is no longer worth your time? 3) short of turning back the clock, what do you honestly think would make you feel better?

    It's possibly she simply airheadedly forgot. Even if that is the case, you need to decide if she is worth your time. I mean, this really is about your time, which is very precious, and your needs as a friend. She might be a great person, but if she consistently stands you up then she is messing with your free time. You get to choose who, if anyone, gets to do that.

    Anyway - again, sorry for the crap week.

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