Dealing with possessive grandparents.

adamstentzel

Ever since my little girl was born my dad acts like he owns her! We visit once a week and he doesn't like to let anyone else hold her or really play with her. Whenever the great-grandparents stop by to see their only great grand baby, we will all sit and play with her, but after a while my dad will somehow get her into another room so he can have her to himself. He has told the rest of my extended family that he is the only one who is allowed to babysit (when he is actually probably the last person I like to leave her with) he always questions everything I do with her and when she was younger would always hover over me when I did things like changing her diapers because he wanted to make sure I was doing it right. It's really getting on my nerves! (So is my MIL, but that is a whole other can of worms.) whenever my friends talk about their parents, they seem like picture perfect grandparents. Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice?

adamstentzel

I didn't mean to sound like a terrible person. The point of this wasnt to tell everyOne how awful I think he is. I love my dad, but we have been through a lot of rough patches. As he likes to tell me on occasion, "I love you, but I really don't like you." he just doesn't make it a habit of listening to what other people want. I guess I was more just venting and curious if anyone else is dealing with the same thing.

ah625

If my parent spoke to me like that we'd be seeing much less of each other. That's certainly not things you want your children to overhear. I think less time together should be the first step. And be honest, tell him that he's behaving possessive of your child to the point of stunting her relationship with other family members (which he does when he takes her off to another room) and alienating other family members (which he does with the "only I can watch her!" comments).

britbratjf

I agree with PP's that you need to stand up to your Dad. If he takes your LO into another room to get her away from other family members, follow them and bring her back. Explain that others would like to spend time with their granddaughter/great-granddaughter as well and that he's not the only one that loves her/wants to spend time with her. Tell him you appreciate and love that he loves your daughter so much but that its not fair to other relatives for him to behave like that and that if he can't respect these boundaries then he won't be able to see her as much as he has been. I will say that I do not understand parents and IL's who butt in like this - I've read so many stories like this here on TB so you certainly aren't alone. It's not something that I deal with thank goodness! I'm sure there are things my MIL would love to say about my parenting - she just doesn't. So just stand up for yourself and explain your feelings to your Dad and hopefully he will be understanding of it!!

SunAndRain

TAKE your child back if you feel like your dad has spent enough time holding her. Just follow him.in to the other room and say," dad, I'm going to bring lo back to visit with the others now." And TAKE your child. 

You can't even imagine the hell someone would face from me if they didn't give my child back when I told them to. I don't care if they were my own parent. I don't care the reason. I would go bat sh¡t crazy on them.  I would be utterly, frighteningly calm. But I would get seriously mama bear.

Believe me I'm all for letting the grandparents dote over DD and I'm very hands off when they are around simply so that they can get their quality time with DD uninterrupted.. But when I go to take her back they don't refuse. I have a pretty assertive personality but I'm pretty laid back with DD.

I'm sorry to say but I think you are letting this happen because you are not standing up for yourself.

Starfish+77

Be thankful your dad wants to be so involved with your LO. My MIL lives 5 minutes away and hasn't seen or cared to see her granddaughter in over 2 months (since Xmas). It hurts that she doesn't seem to give a $hit. She only has 1 other grandchild. It is a sore subject bt me and DH so I don't even discuss with him any longer. But it must be nice that your dad actually cares :-)