CP: WWYD (this happened to me on the subway today)

RedTwizzlers

While on a crowded subway car, I happened to see a woman texting in front of me. The way I was standing and her/my height put it right in my line of vision. I saw she was texting "Dr. X". The first text was from Dr. X and said "is 11 am ok? no later" and the 2nd text was from her and it said "done." She was in the process of typing another text. It was about how she wants to die, feels that life isn't worth living, nothing left to live for. And on and on, full of suicidal ideation. I was torn trying to decide if I should say something to her or not. So, WWYD? I will respond with what I did after people vote. No SS because I had to make a choice so you do too.

LaRomana09

That is really hard!  I picked that I would say something, but it's really hard to say unless you're in the situation I think.  I once had a girl hyperventilate right next to me because we were stuck in a subway car and I totally froze and couldn't do anything.

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luciddreamer106

I'd like to say that I would do something and I hope I would, but it's so hard when you're actually in that situation.

LizBlue

I'm being honest:  I'd want to do the first option but can almost guarantee I'd do the second option, so I picked #2.

mara005

I would say something if I could actually help. I'm not a doctor, I don't live in the city to tell her who to see/what to do and I wouldn't be able to meet her if she just wanted to talk sometime. So while I want to help, what could I do other than tell her not to do it?

PinkCamino

You get one chance in this situation. I would prefer to feel like I was being nosy if I knew It might help.

RedTwizzlers

Thanks for responding, it's nice to see you all think it's a difficult situation too.

At first, I decided not to say anything because she was talking to her doctor and it sounded like she was on her way there. But right after we got out of the subway (she got off at the same stop), I just had this feeling of, oh my god, what if something happened to her and I could've helped? So I changed my mind and went up to her. I said, "I saw your text on the train and I'm sorry to be nosy, but I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help." She looked at me like I was crazy at first, but then seemed grateful, and said there wasn't anything I could do, that this was a "lifelong thing." I said I hope you feel better and she said "I probably won't, but thanks."

I felt good about my decision right after, because at the very least she saw that someone cared. But then I was second-guessing myself for being nosy. But now I feel good about it again.

I should add that I was terrified she would say "No, I'm going to kill myself right now," but since we were in a big station and I had a phone I felt like I would be able to handle it if she said that.

luciddreamer106

RedTwizzlers said:

Thanks for responding, it's nice to see you all think it's a difficult situation too.

At first, I decided not to say anything because she was talking to her doctor and it sounded like she was on her way there. But right after we got out of the subway (she got off at the same stop), I just had this feeling of, oh my god, what if something happened to her and I could've helped? So I changed my mind and went up to her. I said, "I saw your text on the train and I'm sorry to be nosy, but I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help." She looked at me like I was crazy at first, but then seemed grateful, and said there wasn't anything I could do, that this was a "lifelong thing." I said I hope you feel better and she said "I probably won't, but thanks."

I felt good about my decision right after, because at the very least she saw that someone cared. But then I was second-guessing myself for being nosy. But now I feel good about it again.

I should add that I was terrified she would say "No, I'm going to kill myself right now," but since we were in a big station and I had a phone I felt like I would be able to handle it if she said that.

You should feel good about stepping up and offering help.  Even if she felt that you couldn't do anything to help, at least you made her feel like somebody cared enough to intervene.

LaRomana09

Hawkward said:

I'm proud of you for saying something. That was really hard and you did the right thing. 

This!

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RedTwizzlers

Aw thanks guys! Ok, I feel good about it again. It was a hard decision to make though.

RedTwizzlers

emily_sharp said:

I agree completely - you did the harder thing to do, but the right thing to do. And sometimes the value of that might not set in for the person until much later, and you may never have the chance to know that your brief interaction with her might be something that reminds her that there are caring people around her. I've known people (and experienced myself) the power of that one passing stranger who offered a smile, a word of encouragement, or a moment of caring concern and it ended up making a bigger difference than anyone would have predicted.

You rock, @redtwizzlers!

Right after I found out about this most recent loss, I was sitting on a bench at the hospital, crying on the phone with DH. A valet parking guy came up and gave me a tissue, rubbed my shoulder, and asked if I was ok. It was so, so sweet. Minnesotans are so nice!

uneek1323

You will never know what an impact this may have had on her. She think back on this for a long time and be grateful that you took the time to at least try.

gscoville

emily_sharp said:

I agree completely - you did the harder thing to do, but the right thing to do. And sometimes the value of that might not set in for the person until much later, and you may never have the chance to know that your brief interaction with her might be something that reminds her that there are caring people around her. I've known people (and experienced myself) the power of that one passing stranger who offered a smile, a word of encouragement, or a moment of caring concern and it ended up making a bigger difference than anyone would have predicted.

You rock, @redtwizzlers!

This exactly!  You hear so often from people with mental health issues that the smallest thing can pick them up out of a deep funk and even prevent them from making that final suicidal decision - a stranger smiling at them on the sidewalk, someone holding a door open for them, a comment on how nice they look, just some 'random act of kindness' that lets them know that there is good in the world and someone, anyone, cares even just a little.  I think it was extremely brave and caring of you to approach her, and I'm sure she will remember it for a long time to come. 

jbasore1123

You should feel very proud. I hope it makes a difference for her. Even if it doesn't, you stood up for what you thought was right, and that's hard to do

libby+nate

You rock and are very brave!

Denise91980

That was a tough decision you made but the therapist in me would've made me do the same thing. It may have made her day to feel like a stranger cared and there is some good in the world. I had to call 911 on my sister a few months ago because of a suicidal text she sent to my other sister. Thank God I did because she apparently took some pills with a bottle of wine, so essentially I saved her life. Kudos to you for being able to do that with someone you didn't even know.

RedTwizzlers

@euridycenymph - I'm so sorry you've been through that. ((hugs))

RayRay007

LizBlue said:

I'm being honest:  I'd want to do the first option but can almost guarantee I'd do the second option, so I picked #2.

Same. That's tough.

RayRay007

I'm so proud of you. I would've chickened out I'm sure, but I would bet that interaction will make a huge impact. I'm a total chicken-outer, or not-my-problem kind of person and I'm trying to change that. Thanks for the inspiration.

alm288

That was really nice of you! You should definately feel good about your decision to act!!

HollynLeana

New York subway?

RedTwizzlers

@hollynleana - yes, why?

HollynLeana

Definitely stay out of it! Ha! Thus could turn into one of those crazy L train bitches fighting like animals videos! It's so hard to remove your heart from something like that but not knowing the whole story is the variable. She could be trying to get attention or completely manic.... You never know. Safety first!